Me and my vampire

Made In China

2007-10-31T13:08:00.000-05:00

...more recalls on the news. How about we stop buying shit that says, "made in China?"

Just a thought.

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

2005-08-19T10:57:00.000-05:00

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

Congratulations on your weddingday!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you
I've changed my mind.

I must admit,
you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

Happy birthday!
You look greatfor your age.
Almost Lifelike!

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it' s time you kept your promise.

We have been friends for a verylong time
..let's say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

Your friends and I wanted to dosomething special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

(thanks jp these are hysterical!)

[I have ten more readers to do and then I'll post it tonight ;) ;]

Shakespeare Anyone?

2005-08-18T18:15:00.000-05:00

SONNET 4
Unthrifty loveliness, why dost thou spend
Upon thyself thy beauty's legacy?
Nature's bequest gives nothing but doth lend,
And being frank she lends to those are free.
Then, beauteous niggard, why dost thou abuse
The bounteous largess given thee to give?
Profitless usurer, why dost thou use
So great a sum of sums, yet canst not live?
For having traffic with thyself alone,
Thou of thyself thy sweet self dost deceive.
Then how, when nature calls thee to be gone,
What acceptable audit canst thou leave?
Thy unused beauty must be tomb'd with thee,
Which, used, lives th' executor to be.

Hold Me, Love Me, Give all that you've got!

2005-08-18T11:29:00.000-05:00

To let everyone know I am still doing the readers appritiation week. I will have a big post tomorrow for everyone. LOL, I got tired of sticking a couple in here and there.

I haven't had any hotties of the week for a while so that's what I'm focusing on today.

So ladies, give me a shout out!

WOW! I need me some of that!

...and no, it doesn't go any lower. I keep trying to look down for more too, but it hasn't helped.

The guy to the right there...He's thinking of me. Really. I'm serious. I've screwed him...just last night!

Okay, so maybe it was a dream I had brought on by the sex deprivation I am going through this week. Maybe it was just wishful thinking in my subconscience.

But it sure as HELL was a good dream!!

I'm so ready for the week end. I want to get a hold of my friend and go out dancing before I start school next week. Her time is pretty much filled with work and she starts school with me next week.

They all love me. Can't you see it? Once you've had a woman like me...

No one matches up.

"Tssssss."

Alright, I'm done with drooling over these hotties. I'm going to go fix my hair and put on my face because I'm going to torment my husband till he's as tormented as I am!

He will love it, Oh yes, He WILL LOVE IT!

(or esle, lol)

FYI

2005-08-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

Never sniff a man's boxers to check if they need to be washed. If it's on the floor throw it in the laundry basket.

Body Bouncer

2005-08-17T03:00:00.000-05:00

I want one. The Rogue Wit said okay but, being that I take care of the money and budget...I'll be buying myself one, with his money. Ah, some times being a woman is awesome...AWESOME!

I'm adding this to my links.
Look for it in the *Shopping* section.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Are women off limits when they're having their Monthly Meltdown?

And

Should they be?

Criminal Lawyers Award

2005-08-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

"A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued...and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest."

To find this story and others click HERE.

I AM ZOOT

2005-08-16T10:51:00.000-05:00

Take the quiz: "Which Holy Grail Character Are You?"

Zoot
Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen- and- a- half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish...

2005-08-16T08:13:00.000-05:00

Jammin' out to John Mayer! You guys are lucky. I was very tempted to post me singing to him today. Thank God I came to my senses!

And I don't know where you went when you left me but
Says here in the water you must be gone by now
I can tell somehow
One hand on the trigger of a telephone
Wondering when the call comes
Where you say it's alright
You got your heart right

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on the porch 'til you come back home
Oh, right
I can't find a flight
We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

All you need is love is a lie cause
We had love but we still said goodbye
Now we're tired, battered fighters
And it stings when it's nobody's fault
Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
It's only the air you took and the breath you left

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on the porch 'til you come back home
Oh, right
I can't find a flight
So I'll check the weather where ever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

I calledBecause
I justNeed to feel you on the line
Don't hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day
Don't let me get away
Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way that I used to be
There's no substitute for time
Or for the sadness
Split screen sadness
We share the sadness

I guess we've all felt like that at leat once in our life. Beautiful lyrics! I'm becoming pretty boring as of late. I've got an itch to drag out my elf deck and tweek it a little. HERE's a link for pitch4kman. I can't remember the name of my elf avatar and I can't find any of the new elf lords!

The Heedles One!
That's right.
I need a couple of those...maybe four:)

Maybe I should combine the elves and the wizards. Hmmm...

Okay, my DORK FACTOR just went up like 8 degrees I'm sure. I'm sorry! That bastard got me hooked on Magic. I don't get to play anymore anyway but, what the Hell. I'll have Sundays off. Can't wait for ya'll to be closer.

Alright. Here's a hot guy for the ladies!!!

Yes, yes, yes....I need me something hot and dark!

And I'm not talking about my coffee ;)

SWEET GOODNESS, I'm getting hot. I only wish that I could've found a naked picture of him. I'll keep searching.

Diligence! Diligence!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Two For Tuesday!

2005-08-16T00:01:00.000-05:00

Moments are like rain drops landing in a stream.

As you have now read that, so have you lost another moment of your life…

I will be taking my sweet, precious, innocent baby girl to school today. Last night we rearranged her room with the bed now being the focal point of the room. It’s beautiful. Courtesy, of her great grandmother, my daughter has a beautiful picture of a ballerina. A very lovely portrait and it is stunning on her wall, I must say. I am going to repaint the trim in her room to match the frame. The picture itself is perfect in her theme. The frame is purple in a faux finish with pink interior. Truly I hate pink but, it’s a soft pink leaning towards purple…not so bad. What matters more is that the room is for my daughter who loves…LOVES pink. The walls are sage green and will remain that color. As it so happens this picture has some of the green in it. I’m raising a girly-girl.

Who in this moment, the span of a day, half of a fly’s life…will be on the road to adult-hood.

I cannot get this moment back. EVER. My daughter is growing up. Adara is growing up. She’s growing up. (One more for emphasis…)
My BABY girl is GROWING UP!!!!!!!!

This message brought to you by PMS…making the moments.

This is really funny in a cosmic sort of way.

It rained all day yesterday. That was the one plus of my day. I enjoy the rain, immensely. There are so many found memories I have of the rain. Being out in it, smelling of rain, there’s really only two kind of people in the world, those who love the rain and those who hate it.

I had been seeing the Rogue Wit for a while. Bad guys were my preference but, the Rogue Wit was a good man. He was somewhat wild but, domesticated. Being the lady that I am, I held out. I had already discussed the time frame of “how long to wait before you sleep with a new guy.” I had meant to hold out a little longer but, I couldn’t.

All night we had driven around to hang out with his friends. We found ourselves out in, I think Purcell (which for those who don’t know the Okla state, it’s in BFN [bum fuck nowhere]) when there was a tornado warning (or was it watch?). With it pouring down rain and my urge to sleep in my own bed I told him I wanted to go home. His friend was bid us good night and he headed for bed. Yeah, I was younger…so the time was about 1-3 am. Walking out in the storm we were drenched two feet out of the door. I was rather scantily clad and ran to the car. (sigh) As much as I’d like to get rid of that damned old Mustang muscle car that my husband holds onto…I do love it just for this. The hood height is perfect.
When I reached the car I knew I had to have him…right there in the middle of the storm, in the rain, on the car. I loved the way his neck tasted in the rain. The thunder in the background and rain all around us…it was like magic.

That’s when I think we both knew we were meant for each other. We met at a psychic fair for goodness sake. Fate?

I like to watch him sleep some times. It helps to relax me when I’m in a bout of insomnia. I like to wake up with his arms clasp around me and his chin nuzzled in my neck like pieces of a puzzle popping together.

That’s what I think relationships are, giant puzzles. So many relationships don’t work out and why? It is really that simple. The pieces of our lives, personality, want…just don’t fit.

Babs- You are so funny sometimes I can’t stand it. Some of your posts I have had to reread even. Though, I wish you no more woes in your life filled with them…I do find your talent of turning a woe into a very good laugh. Seriously, you should get published.

Poemster- What can I say about the man who started all of this. If not for you coming to my site I would not have met Sarah and Peg and several others who lead me to others and so forth. You are a very intelligent man and wonderful father to your children. LOL, you were my first (blushing) and now I’m a blog nympho.

Peg- You are a lady full of wonderful surprises and are full of goodness. I look up to you. You’re a giver! I can only hope to become such a wonderful woman…such a wonderful poet and author!

8zero8- I got hooked on your site when you did the family feud game. LOL, you had such wonderful and funny posts. I miss your site as well.

2005-08-15T15:26:00.000-05:00

Dear God,

Please don't let me kill my children. Don't let me maim anyone today either. Please heal the stupid people before I make them stupid and crippled. Help me to calm down and please...TAKE AWAY THIS HORRIBLE HEAD-ACHE.
Which is probably why I'm thinking about going on a murder spree.

Just Another Man Named, Monday

2005-08-15T09:26:00.000-05:00

"I wish it was Sunday, 'cause that's my fun day..." -sorry, lol

UGH!

I woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning but, then my little boy hopped up on me and gave me a big kiss.
"Wake up Mama!"
How can I stay cranky after that?

LOL, trust me I can but, with a lot of practice I have learned to keep it to myself. I only like mornings when I've been a wake for a while. If that makes sense...

Can't stay long because we have to head back out and run some errands. YAY ERRANDS! Let me see. I have to finish getting school supplies (for myself as well as my daughter), stop by the bank, stop by the other elementary where they do the "speech therapy" because I need to enroll Aiden in it. [side note about my son...I can't get over how red his hair is! Both of the kids have my hair color but, when they go outside Adara's is more blonde and Aiden's is really bright red. Weird huh?]

Let me see...I know I missed something. Ah, that's right. Tonight is "Back to School Night" and I have to go get my Math text book...better call first though...I can't afford to waste the gas to head up to Rose State just for Bill and Ted to tell me, "Uhm, yeah. Well, it's not in yet. Why don't you check back tomorrow?"

Bastards, lol.

Smokey Smurf- Girl, you know you're closer than just a sister to me. You're strong even when you don't think you are and you always come out on top. I'm really proud of you. (Oops, sorry. I can't help being the older sister.) I love you but, you need to update your blog more often :)

Rogue Wit- What can I say? You're one of my favorite readers...and other things ;)

Pitch4kman- Well, you're a pretty good bitch, sometimes. I can't wait for you move closer so we can bust out our magic decks again. I'm kinda excited about this 9th edition stuff. I'll have to bring out my EVIL ELF DECK!!! Though my wizards are getting better. I need to get another avatar for my elves though and then you're in trouble!

Andrea- Girl, I'll go easy on you and we'll team up against the men, LOL.

Man in the Middle- You always had something interesting for me to check out. I miss your blog.

Rathwel- I hope you find what you've been looking for because all of your old readers still miss you. You need to get that book published so that I can finish it. I was caught up in it! We miss you.

jp- LOL, girl...I'm going to have to call you soon!

Okay...I'll hit some more of my readers tomorrow. It's the week of reader appritiation!!!
(sorry spell check didn't know how to spell appritiation either:)

That's Just My Baby's Daddy

2005-08-14T12:39:00.000-05:00

“Go away Daddy, I’m talking to my ‘baby’s Daddy.’”
My daughter is so funny. Let me just say that she’s already got herself a boyfriend and when she told her Daddy this I had to call her boyfriends Mother and let her know the skinny. LOL, there had better not be any baby Daddies in the future or her Daddy is going to go hunting…highlander style.
[Damn it, I must beat my addiction to Blog Ho’s site. All I can think of is, “There can be only Juan and my name is Juan.” LOL]

So Blog Ho, This part is for you.

You are like…Monty Python on crack.
You are like…the white Carlos Mencia.
You are like…the straightest gay man alive.
You are like…the gayest straight man alive and the best highlander around.
You are also like that wreck that we all stare at in disbelief, horror…because we can’t take our eyes off of it.
You’re the stuff they put in with McDonalds fries that makes them addictive.

Maybe I’ll just do a post for my readers this week.

Yes, that is the theme for this week as I will surely be needing to get my mind off of my baby girl starting school. *gasp*

Sarah Laughs A Lot-

Aside from her laughing a lot she makes others laugh as well.
Not to mention you get more action than I do but, I’m trying to catch up.
Does self-service count?
Sarah, you are a woman who knows what she wants, when, where, and how you want it.
*clapping*
Everyone give it up for Miss Laughs A Lot!
Now you can just move your little butt down here so we can hang out watching horror movies and doing buttery nipple shots!
“Bottoms up!”

Jerzee Girl-

As women I think we owe it too ourselves to befriend each other.
I’m rather picky about my friends and you are one of them.
She’s taken crap and flung the poo back.
Bravery isn’t measured by lack of fear but, by how much of that we over come.
;)

Personal Note: My husband is subjecting me to Star Trek rock bands on the Movie Trekkies Two. Send help! So when is the Star Trek CSI supposed to start?
“What is it Spok?”
“Well, Captain, I found this hair on the cadets red shirt. It appears it is not human. I will have the Doc put a rush on this.”
-ROTF…okay, so I’m the only one who appreciates my humor.

This is the last week before I go to school. Sorry, I always get a little more serious when school arrives. Got a new hair-do by the way, two tone. I kinda look like that one spice girl now, you know “old spice.” LOL

Well, I’ll post about three more readers tomorrow but, I’ve got to get off of the lap top and scream. Why? Why the HELL not? It seems my son thinks he can throw a fit because I said “No.” So I’m going to show him what a REAL fit looks like right before I pop him on the butt. TOODLES!

I'm In LOVE

2005-08-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm in love...
All over again.

With whom?

Rogue Wit!

Last night after I had been stressing and obsessing over things I don't really need to worry about (breath), my husband was joking around with me. The bastard, lol. Don't men realize women do not want to be bothered when we're having a woman moment? Really, guys.

Well, after he annoyed the crap out of me and poked and teased (okay, so I liked...LOVE it) he handed me a sheet of paper.

It was a flyer with scantily clad women on it. Upon further inspection I realized that they were belly-dancers. I had taken a few courses in it before and I practice some with the tapes I have here at home. (My daughter does them with me, she likes the belly dances...Interestingly enough my son likes to 2-step with me, he's getting really good at the cotton-eye-Joe.)

UH-hm...

Well, I jokingly said, "So what? Are you trying to tell me I'm fat?"

"Of course not, dear." I love a trained man.

Then he went on to explain. He knows this girl at work who does the classes. We've actually both seen her before at the medieval Fair. She told Rogue Wit that if he set her up with a website for her classes and maintained it that she'd give me free lessons! FREE!

Isn't that the shit!

My husband is always doing things like that for me. He's the most wonderful man in the world and I've got him. Sorry ladies but, he only has eyes for me.

It's the way he says my name. He never basterdizes it by shortening it. He looks me in the eyes and I can see how much he loves me. Hell, I feel it across the room. The gifts that he gives to me are so precious and sweet. He knows me so well.

I know I'm hard on him but, he doesn't mind. He still loves me and all of my faults. He is my prince charming (though he will tell you he is no knight in shining armor for his armor is battle scared and tarnished). He loves me when I run around the house singing and annoying everyone in general. He loves me when I give him a zerbert on the ass-cheek in his sleep (though he says he hates it, I know he really loves it, LOL). Okay, so I fibbed. I don't really do that...while he sleeps. ;)

Have I told you I love you today? I love you, baby.
[ps, if you're bored...check out the new FOAMY cartoon or some of the old ones!]

Weekend Astrology

2005-08-12T08:32:00.000-05:00

As I look into my crystal ball I see...
Some stank man feet in the weekend forecast. Dang man, scrub that shit off!
Seek some guidance from your friendly (or overly friendly) Geminis around Saturday.
Happy Birthday Leo's!

Dude, I pulled the honey card out on the first draw. Spice it up with some Zesty Italian salad dressing. Mmmm...nothing is as sexy as a man in the kitchen cooking (did I mention you should try cooking nude...uhm, well, baking...not frying.)

It's okay. Everybody has known for a while and I think this weekend is the right time to come out. Man, everyone knows all male Libra's are gay. It's like science or something. DON'T ARGUE WITH MADAM BOABHAN! I know all. That and the moon is in the Uranus house over the weekend.

You must be stuck in an 80's time loop because I still see spandex in your weekend forecast. Damn, girl. Maybe you should check out the sex shops. Yes, I've just had a premonition of the best night of sex in your life and it revolves around lots of spandex. So it is said, so shall it be...

Yeah, that dick surgery is taking longer than you thought. Shouldn't have pissed her off and she wouldn't have "rubber banded" your dong. Try a strap on this weekend. This time it'll be you pretending to get off and not her.

I see a freak sex accident involving a foot and some weird toe STD in store for the weekend. Stay inside this weekend and don't think about sex. Don't think about sex. Don't think about sex.

A-Quar-I-us...Damn it that's the best song. I'll have to down load it off Kazaa. Nope, you're not getting laid this weekend unless you send me money. Email me for the detail ;)

I wonder if they need to change the name from Pisces to Pissies. LOL, doubt that will happen until 2303. Not that I had a vision or anything...
In other news: I'll be sending you an email with your cut of the money as soon as I hear from Aquarius. Damn they're so gullible, hehehe.

Oh, sweet, Lord...you've gotten even hotter! You will get a LOT of HOT booty this weekend. Call me!

My crystal ball is foggin up again...no wait, I see...
You smoking crack and sucking dick for your next fix. Damn man. *shaking head* You could've eaten me out for the money and now you're gay. This is not going to be your weekend.

Okay, so the shock therapy you tried only succeeded in singe-ing all of your body hair off. The shaved/bald look kinda suits you. Call your doctor today and ask about our new pill: Siykotrips. The only side effect is vaginal and dick bleeding but, you're not getting laid anyway...so why not?

Dude, this weekend you will be giving Blog Ho some cancer. I know, I know..."that's not a prediction." It's an order dumb-ass. I don't get any giant shlong until some one gives him cancer! After that I see you going to jail because apparently it's "illegal" to "give" people cancer. Maybe next weekend will be better.

Shaken Mommy Syndrome

2005-08-11T07:29:00.000-05:00

My daughter's teacher called today.

No, she's not started school yet. She doesn't start until Tuesday the 16th. I will not cry until I return home from dropping her off. Then I will drive home hug my little 3 year old as I let go of one into the worlds claws.

Of course I may be over reacting. This is a possibility but, it does nothing to ease this ache in my stomach when I think about sending my daughter out into the public school system. She's ready. She wants to go and wants me to stay home. My daughter is very out going. I know she will do well. Still, I fear for her...Mommy fears. Who will kiss her boo-boos when she scrapes a knee? Who will keep her from being taken advantage of? Who will keep her from being bullied...or from bullying other children? It will be a woman I don't know but, we just talked on the phone Wednesday. She seemed a very nice lady. Isn't that what they say about all of those child molesters or murders?

Yeah, I'm over reacting. But they're my babies and I am their protector. Don't mess with a Momma lioness. She'll rip you to pieces before you knew you had done something wrong.

I guess my fears about how I developed as a teen and pre-teen are popping up. I was watching these guys and getting high while laughing with my friends, "Uh-hu-hu-hu...Uh-hu-hu-hu."

God, how do we keep our children from making the same mistakes and from ending up with the same fears we developed? How do we change who we are in the name of our children's future? Why did any of us ever have children with all of the stresses that arise from them?

When my children tell me they love me. When my daughter says, "You came into check on me to see if I was alright, huh?" "Yes, Baby girl. I am coming to check on you to make sure you were alright." When my son walks up to me and gives me a bear hug followed by a heart felt, "Uv Ooo Mama." "Love you too, Baby boy." When I lay my head on my husbands broad shoulders and feel him hold me close and know that I don't bare this burden alone...That's why.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

2005-08-10T11:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I realized I had to get my school books for this semester. Well, it’s really a lot of trouble when one only has one car in a two car family. Rogue Wit was kind enough to waste his lunch hour by driving home so I could drop him back off to work and run my errands. I was originally going to do this today but, Rogue Wit needs the car today.

Well, being that this was a spur of the moment decision, I had to scramble to gather all of my things together. That doesn’t even include dressing the children and packing an “oops bag” just in case.

But Devona, shouldn’t the kids already be dressed?

Yes, and they were but, the night before they went to that birthday party and got all sorts of candy from a piñata. My son was several shades of red and green from different candies he had “tasted” and decided he didn’t like. I hate taking them places when they look like they’ve been left to run around without parental supervision. Isn’t it policy to allow your kids to get sugared up the day after a party? Like Halloween, don’t lie and tell me that you don’t allow your kids to eat all of their goodies the next day. They bring home the candy, you send them to bed, look over the candy to make sure it wasn’t tampered with, and take out a couple of your favorites (hey, those who walk with the children deserve some kind of reward).

Hmmm…Wait; okay…I remember what I was talking about.

So after washing off the children, putting on my makeup, doing my hair, and packing their bag, I sit down to make myself a list of things to get done.

List:
*speak with financial aid and make sure my grants are in
*if grants are in pick up school books
*refill Rogue Wit’s B/P medicine (@ Wal-mart)
*pick up new parking permit for the college
*stop by the elementary school and get my son in speech therapy
*go to the store (not Wal-mart)
*pick up Rogue Wit from work

Seems rather simple doesn’t it? Well, keep in mind I didn’t receive the car until noon. Then it was straight to the college. I actually was able to park close to the admissions building. Then I drag my little ones with me up there to ask admissions about my parking permit. They tell me I’ll have to ask at the student center.

No problem. I’ve got to go over there to ask some questions about my financial aid and grants anyway. Plus, I’ve got to get a print out of my classes because my printer here at the house only prints it out half way.

So I drag the kids two buildings over. I ask the lady at the student counsel desk to print me off a schedule. The lady was busy and told me it’d be ten minutes or so. No problem. I will go up stairs and talk with the financial aid.

My grants are in and I can go get my books! YAY! So, I go back down stairs and pick up my print off. Then I ask the lady about the parking permit to which she replies, “Honey, you get that at the admissions building.”
“Uhm, I was over there and they told me to come here.”
“Were you in the cashiers’ line?”
“Uhm, no. I was in the admissions and information line but, they told me to come here. They didn’t say anything about the cashiers’ line.”

It kind of pisses me off because the admissions line and the cashiers’ line are in the same hall. This is no shit. You walk through the double doors and to your right are the admissions and information windows and to your left are the cashiers’ windows. You’d think being that they can just call across the hallway they’d know what was going on…you’d think.

Well, I was closer to the book store so I dragged the kids over one more building to get my books and supplies. Of course I get there and have to wait. I hate students help in the book store. It was a bunch of nineteen-twenty year olds fresh out of high school and one old horny woman who giggled as much as they did. When they got around to me it took them a good twenty minutes of “looking” for the books. Wasting all of this time only to find three out of the four books I need and all the while my children are telling me that they’re hungry.

“Okay, so when can I come back and get my math book?”
“Probably on Monday but, you should call first.”

Thank you Bill and Ted. Bastards! So I drag my children back three buildings to the admissions building and to my joy there was no line at the cashier window. So I get up there and fill out the thing only I can’t remember the tag of the mini-van. I’m a woman; okay…we don’t remember shit like that. No problem though. She tells me to take it out to my car and bring it back.

So I get out to my car and say fuck it. It’s 1:15 and the kids haven’t had lunch and I’ve still got a lot to do left on my list. I’ll bring it back next week. After all she didn’t say “when” to bring it back.

So we stop at Pizza Hut about 1:40. My daughter realizes that it’s not Mazzio’s and gets upset.

“Pizza Hut is just as good if not better…now eat your pizza.”
“I wanna go to the better one, Mama.”
“EAT.”

As we’re finishing I realize my left leg is wet. I look down and realize my son had an accident and I’m sharing in his humility. DAMN. So I strip him in the car only to realize that I only packed extra pull-ups and a shirt. What was I thinking? I don’t know. So I had to put new pull-ups on him and back on with the wet shorts. I can’t very well take him in to get him enrolled in nothing but a shirt and pull-ups.

So I dropped the script off at Wal-mart because I can do a million things in the time it takes them to fill a script even when they say it will only be 20 minutes. Then I race to the school. I get there and find out that I have everything but, proof of residence and his birth certificate. DAMN IT.

Well, it’s now 3:00 and I wouldn’t be able to make it back home, find the documents, and get back there in time. So, I run to Crest and do my shopping that I neglected this weekend. It was 3:30. I race back to Wal-mart and pick up the script, which I had to wait an extra 15 minutes for and then by 4:00 I was on my way to pick up the Rogue Wit who gets off at 4:45. It takes me a good 30-40 minutes to get up there. This time it only took me 15 minutes. DAMN. So at 4:15 I call and leave a message for Rogue Wit telling him I was there and would just wait it out.

So all in all I got most of the stuff done. It just sucks that now I have to go back again next week. Next week (on Tuesday) my daughter starts school. Sigh.

This is what happens when I'm rushed, LOL.

Happy Birthday to Pitch4k's two oldest daughters!

2005-08-09T11:27:00.000-05:00

We went to a birthday party last night for a 6 and an 8 year old.

God, there were like 6 kids there!

Dang it, too many children. My son was overwhelmed by it all. He's kinda anti-social.

Anyway, my old man wrote THIS last night...it's cute and being that I'm running everywhere today I thought I'd share.

Let It Rain

2005-08-08T07:33:00.000-05:00

Coming home from Tracy’s Sunday afternoon I just missed a good 20 minute down poor. I love the rain and so far all of the good rains the last two months have missed us every time. I was disappointed and jokingly I said to my husband, “God must just hate me.”

Not even two full hours later another storm popped up and came straight to here. It was like God was telling me, “That hurt.”

I’m sorry.

......

You know it's beautiful when the rain pools and bubbles on the sidewalk. Yes, let it rain!

The trees are always a little more beautiful in the rain. The thunder's roar is almost like a mother's heart beat to her new born babe. It isn't a wonder these stormy days make us want to sleep. It's so soothing to the soul...it puts me in a better mood.

My daughter is stepping out in the rain and spinning in it. I remember doing that. I remember that I always felt a little better when it rained. Like somebody was crying for me/with me.

Not only is it soothing but, it sets an exciting mood. Sunshine doesn't make for a very good setting in a scary movie. All the really good old scary movies started out in the rain. There's always that edge of apprehension. You have to worry whether it will knock out the power leaving you alone in pitch black with only occasional flashes of lightening to light the way. Who knows which boogy man lies in wait just behind you?

I think it's that edge of excitement that I love with a good storm. I get the urge to crawl up next to an open window with a drink and a good book.

Matter of fact...

I think I need to pull out that new John Saul book I bought the other day.

After all I only have next week before school starts.

So, I promise to post once a day.

I'm going to put myself on a routine and make myself keep it.

:)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(: :)(:

Ya'll gonna make me loose my mind...

2005-08-07T16:10:00.000-05:00

I know it's wrong but, I just couldn't help myself.
I had to share this; it made me giggle.

Hope your weekend is going great!

Yeah, it's very wrong but, I blame Ho and his bad influence on me. LOL

Or it might be the decline of my generation.

Up-Date

2005-08-06T10:10:00.000-05:00

My Mother-in-law is doing better. They kept her over night to make sure she was okay. We're going to drop by and check on her later this afternoon/evening.

That's as exciting as I'm getting today.

Enjoy your weekend!

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie-roll tootsie-pop?"

Freaky Friday

2005-08-05T11:49:00.000-05:00

No astrology today. The crystal ball is on the Fritz. So instead, I'm going to do the forecast:

It will rain, be sunny, be humid, be hot, and there will be some wind in the states today.

...but not all in the same place.

Sorry, I just have a lot to do today. I've got to take my son over and get registered for speech therapy. My husband has a doctors appointment. I have to go up to the college to make sure all my grants and things are all in line and I'm all set for fall.

Sunday I'm going to down to Tecumseh with the kids to see my best friend and her new baby. I went to the hospital night before last and got my fill of holding Dustin for a while. He's SO CUTE! Eh, I can't help it. I never imagined in my wildest dreams the joy I experience having my children play with my best friends children. It's incredible!

Well, tonight I'm going to enjoy some Weird Travels on the Travel Channel. I love the haunted hotels they do. I can't get enough of the spooky stuff. My house is all decorated for Halloween.

My friends haven't said anything about it. They know me too well. Even my husband hasn't given me any grief over it. The old rule was I couldn't put up the decorations until the end of August but, I won't have time to do so then. I'll be at the end of my fast tract class and taking the finals for it.

So what is everyone going to be for Halloween this year?

If you all aren't decided, click on the grave email at the All Halloween Blog and send your pic in. The others and myself will look it over and post a photo-shopped version of your ideal Halloween costume.

I'm so excited about Halloween coming this year, I can hardly control myself.

In other news, my Mother-in-law has gallstones and is having surgery today to remove them. Keep her in your prayers. She is a wonderful lady and I hate to see her in pain.

Also, if anyone gets bored enough and wants to contribute. I think I will do a "palm reading Tuesday" next week but, in order to do so I will need some palm pictures.

Come on...
Anyone??
????

Guess That's Why They Call It THe Blues-Elton John

2005-08-04T11:42:00.000-05:00

Don't wish it away

Don't look at it like it's forever

Between you and me

I could honestly say

That things can only get better

*
And while I'm away

Dust out the demons inside

And it won't be long

Before you and me run

To the place in our hearts

Where we hide

*
And I guess that's why

They call it the blues

Time on my hands

Could be time spent with you

Laughing like children

Living like lovers

Rolling like thunder under the covers

And I guess that's why

They call it the blues

*
Just stare into space

Picture my face in your hands

Live for each second

Without hesitation

And never forget I'm your man
Without me girl

Cry in the night if it helps

But more than ever I simply love you

More than I love life itself

*
And I guess that's why

They call it the blues

Time on my hands

Could be time spent with you

Laughing like children

Living like lovers

Rolling like thunder under the covers

And I guess that's why

They call it the blues

*
Wait on me girl

Cry in the night if it helps

But more than ever I simply love you

More than I love life itself

*
And I guess that's why

They call it the blues

Time on my hands

Could be time spent with you

Laughing like children

Living like lovers

Rolling like thunder under the covers

And I guess that's why

They call it the blues

Did I mention I hate the sound of my own voice??

2005-08-04T09:30:00.000-05:00

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

2005-08-03T12:29:00.000-05:00

20 things I lie about

1) My hair color. I’m blonde, but I like to pretend to be a red-head sometimes.

2) Giving head. I never admit to it…SHIT, I guess I just did. Damn!

3) Buying things. I guess it isn’t bad because if I told my husband what I got him for his birthday/Christmas when I bought it…it wouldn’t be much fun.

4) My height. I’m only about 5’6” maybe 7” on a good day but, I like to say I’m about 5’8” or 9”. I can’t help it, my little sister is taller than I am and it drives me nuts not to be tall. Damn it, I have to keep a step-stool in about every room.

5) Liking food. I always try new dishes unless it’s got more than three foods I hate in it. So, I have been known to say I like it as to not hurt someone’s feelings…when really I can’t wait to go home and puke.

6) Family. I lie about not being related to some people, but I can’t change who I’m related to. So I pretend that I am not related to them and if anyone finds out otherwise they totally understand why and they help to keep my secret.

7) Where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. I haven’t done this sense I was 20 but, I feel it’s worth the mention. Why? Because I had several boyfriends at that time…that’s why. So I was always lying about where I’d been and what I’d been doing. I remember one time I forgot and wore shorts to my other boyfriend’s house and I had a giant hicky on my inner thigh. I lied and said it was a bruise I got from work. LOL…he believed me. That was even funnier because, my best friend (who, btw, just had her second baby today!) was there laughing her ass off at me because she knew. The bitch almost gave me away! LOL, love you girl.

8) Knowing how to do things. There is a lot I know. Let me get that out there but, sometimes I feel as if I know I could do something as long as I have directions. Isn’t that what the web is for helping liars convince others of their superiority? …I thought so.

9) Sex. I don’t even want to hear a woman say that they have never faked and O. We all have from time to time. If we didn’t then our men would loose their giant ego and we’d either loose them to some other bitch who is better at faking an O or they don’t even try to please us anymore. Neither of which is acceptable to me.

10) Shaving. No one wants to see hairy legs or pits. If I’m wearing a long sleeved shirt and pants/jeans no one really knows if I have shaved or not. So if anyone asks…of course I’m going to say, “Yeah, I shaved last night.” I’m not stupid. LOL

11) Farting. I’m a lady and I do not fart, break wind, toot, pass gas, poot, flatuate, or anything else of a stinky nature. Okay, so that was another lie…see??!! I lie about farting all the time. It’s one of those women’s rights things. But, in reality, I can compete with my husband in a contest.

12) Smoking pot. Okay, I was a pot head. I have to admit that and go on. It’s illegal and I have kids so I quit when I got pregnant with my daughter. Is it hard to avoid? Yeah, but I’d rather be sober than loose my babies. Besides, drinking is legal and it’s more fun to have a few drinks with a friend at a bar than hiding in your house and being stoned because you don’t want to get thrown in jail. But yes, I did inhale...DID being the key word. Would I do it again if it were legal? No…okay, so I lied again…It would be a maybe. I was really stupid when I was a pot head so I don’t know that I would want to be dumb again.

13) Being afraid. I lie about not being afraid of certain things. It’s not until you know me that you learn I am deathly afraid of the dark and clowns and heights. I lie about this mostly to my children so they don’t decide to be afraid just because Mommy is and I want them to think I’m “Super-Mom.”

14) Ghosts. Whether it’s right or not, I tell my daughter there is no such things as ghosts. Why? Well, when she wakes up and is crying in the middle of the night because she thinks a ghost is going to get her…the only way to ease the fright is by reassuring her that there are no such things. Really, how would it sound to say, “Yeah, it could’ve been a ghost but, don’t worry most ghosts don’t like to scare little girls.”? I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep if my Mom told me that. So I tell this little white lie and she sleeps better at night.

15) Santa Clause. Yes, my kids believe in it. It was ruined for me when I was about 4 because my older brother spoiled the whole fantasy. “That’s really Dad, you know. Santa isn’t real.” So I play along with the whole Santa thing because, it’s really harmless and the kids get a kick out of it.

16) Time. I lie about how long certain things take to do. I can clean my entire house in a matter of hours (about 8) when really I pretend that it takes days. The reality is I would rather play with the kids, blog, and paint than clean for about 8 hours straight. That doesn’t make me bad. It just means I know how to prioritize, LOL.

17) Being excited about college. It’s really not that I’m lying about it but, more that I am fickle and when I’ve got a lot of work to do I don’t like college. When I get good grades and don’t have that much work to do I really like it.

18) Being a published author. I lie about just wanting to be a published author. Really, I want to be as well known as Stephen King when I become published.

19) Accidents. I have stated that I have never had an accident in my pants as an adult. That is a falsehood. While I was pregnant I was at the store and sneezed. Before I knew what had happened I had peed myself. I was mortified and left the basket full of groceries and drove straight home. I didn’t go anywhere for a few days.

20) Mowing the grass. I know I’ve said that I like it but, I only pretend to. I mow because I know I will get it done and my husband is more of a procrastinator than I am. Hard to believe, I know. LOL, I love you, baby ;)

Willy-Wonky-Wednessday

2005-08-03T09:02:00.000-05:00

A few things...

First, my best-friend since third grade is having her second and last baby. Yup, she gets her tubes tied today as soon as they cut the little devil out of her. I don't have all of the gory details yet, but I will share them as soon as they're made known.

UPDATE: Dustin Allan Ballard was just born at a wopping 8 lbs!
Congradulation girl!!
I'll be seeing you this evening!!!!

Second, my Mother-in-law (a super fantasticly wonderful woman) is having gallbladder problems. For the story click HERE.

Third, I joing the All Halloween Blog. I have not yet put up a link to it so you have to click HERE to visit. Sorry, guys...it was too much of a temptation.

What's that?

No no no...don't worry. I'm not deleting this blog nor shall I stop blogging here. I'm just going to post most of my Halloween stuff over there. I'll save the really naughty posts for over here though. I know how you all love the naughty.

Not much else interresting at this moment.

One little monkey jumping on the bed...

2005-08-02T11:37:00.000-05:00

I LOVE this. I'm actually thinking about getting that same tattoo. Only, maybe it should be a gay man...just so I wouldn't be accused of copying someone else.

Brass Monkey, that funky monkey!

Get this monkey off my back.

Monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Ass monkey!

Monkey business.

Uhm...that's all I can think of.

Can anyone esle think of other monkey sayings or songs about monkey?

Lemon-Limericks

2005-08-01T20:17:00.000-05:00

No one can tell about Myrtle
Whether she's sterile or fertile.
If anyone tries
To tickle her thighs
She closes them tight like a turtle.

A certain young sheik I'm not namin'
Asked a flapper he thought he was tamin',
"Have you your maidenhead?"
"Don't be foolish," she said,
"But I still have the box that it came in."

Quoth the coroner's jury in Preston,
"The verdict is rectal congestion."
They found an eight-ball
On a shoemaker's awl
Halfway up the major's intestine.

All the lady-apes ran from King Kong
For his dong was unspeakably long.
But a friendly giraffe
Quaffed his yard and a half,
And ecstatically burst into song.

There was a young man from Dallas
Who had an exceptional phallus.
He couldn't find room
In any girl's womb
Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.

There was a young man of Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes.
His tool, when at ease,
Hung down to his knees,
Oh, what must it be when it rises!

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Was four fifths of five eights of fuck-all.

The Monday Blues

2005-08-01T07:34:00.000-05:00

I was up most of the night. The insomnia never fails to resume it's corner of my life.

It' has been brought to my attention that my site is a little over the top and somewhat vulgar.

Yeah, I can admit that this summer while I've been off I've played with this site like a giddy teenage girl. Should I act more my age? I'll be twenty-seven on October 17th. How does a 27 year old mother of two and full time college student who works part time cleaning houses act?

At first my feelings were really hurt over this and I considered deleting this blog. I thought about it for a while. This blog is too much a part of me and I've got too many blogging buddies to just throw it all away. I think I'm just a little moody as of late. The other night my husband made a comment about my being afraid of the dark and I broke down in tears.

Now don't go getting mad at the Rogue Wit. I am terrified of the dark and I sleep with a night light. I'm not ashamed, but it hurts to have every man that I've been with hold that against me. When the Rogue Wit made mention of it I was overly emotional and thought that he was doing the same thing. Poor Rogue Wit. He was a little caught off guard. I'm not the crying type.

Stress is just mounting over here again. I think I'm a little more worried about my baby girl starting school than I thought. Then, on top of that, my husband is very unhappy with his job. So I'm stressing over that.

This being a Monday I thought I'd open up the floor. What do you guys want to talk about this morning? It's Open Mic Monday!!! Go ahead and get that thing off of your chest!

Maybe if we all bitch (because bitchery loves company) we'll all feel better and I can sleep tonight. That and special thanks to Rogue Wit who found the benedryl so I can dope up on those and get a few more hours of sleep tonight.

"Have a good day baby, I love you."

Got This From Melanie's Site

2005-07-31T20:58:00.000-05:00

What Icons are for you?(Thank you for #1!! Please check out my other Memes!!) by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Nick(-nack-patty-wack) Names

2005-07-30T06:40:00.000-05:00

What is your weirdest nick name and how'd you get it?
***
If you don't have one go HERE, but don't forget to tell us how you got it.
(yes, if you had to generate a name then you have to make up a story too)
***
I'm going to wait until I have a few comments before I tell you how I got to be called "spread-eagle." So PLEASE COMMENT!!! You know I'm addicted to them. :)

What is your name number?

2005-07-29T09:36:00.000-05:00

To find out what you name number is and it's meaning click HERE.

Weekend Astrology

2005-07-29T08:51:00.000-05:00

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,
we love you. Happy Birthday
and may all your dreams come true!
Here’s $5. Now go get a blow job.

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
What did one Virgo say to another Virgo?
It was a trick question. You see they’re
both Virgos and there for know everything.
So they already knew what the other one
was going to say and how the other would
respond. Duh?!?

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
You sense of fashion is starting to falter.
Darling, the hair style looked great in the
book, yes, but you know you’ve got too
round of a face for that! It’s alright. Go
blow $100 and you’ll feel better.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
It looks like your moon is still stuck in the
spandex house! We’re going to have to call
in for the jaws of life! Just say no to spandex!

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
She told you it was a cock ring?? Dude, it was a
rubber band, man. Now what are you going to do
with out a dick? You really pissed her off huh?

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Way to go with the rubber band. If you ask
me, well he was asking for it. LOL…just
plead insanity and you’ll be alright. Hit the
spa this weekend and enjoy yourself.

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
A-Quar-Rius! Sorry, I’m still singing
that song. Now, all I’m seeing in my
crystal ball is a lot of smoke for you.
Hmmm…I guess you’ll be having a
good time at a crowed bar or something.
…Man I need a new crystal ball!

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
You know…you’re the “fish” sign.
Could this also be the lesbian sign?
All I’m saying is look before you
leap this weekend. Fish is pretty
good…fried.

ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
Why don’t you just have yourself
committed this weekend. Sure, it’s
not exactly like the spa, but think
of all the fun activities!

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
Anyone ever tell you, you’re hung
like a bull? I didn’t think so. I’m
in a generous mood today. Here’s
$2 get yourself a beer.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
I’m glad to see the shock therapy
is working! No more pills for you!
Get laid this weekend. Pisces and
you can try to figure out the birds
and the bees together.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Too much sun makes you turn
black and we don’t want Blog
Ho to eat you. Or do we?
“Munch, munch, munch!!”

To My Dear Wife

2005-07-28T12:15:00.000-05:00

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

=====================================================

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Sigh...

2005-07-27T22:06:00.000-05:00

I really don't have anything to post today...

I'm working on several things and haven't been at the computer much. I know you are so upset.
It's okay.

There is a story on the news today about a little four year old who has been badly abused. The mother had even given the kid green rubbing alcohol and told him to drink it. She pretended that it was cool-aide! They locked this poor kid in the closet and made him hold bricks for long periods of time until he dropped them on his feet. He had bruises all over his body and I'm sure much deeper ones that are unable to be seen.

I can't even describe to you the sick feeling in my stomach when I hear about these things.

I believe in the death penatly and I think that mothers who abuse their children to this degree need to be killed. Slow and painfully, that's if I had my way. I'd show them what abuse was all about. Psycho, evil, filthy, stupid, EVIL, fucked up bitches!!!

If I had the money, I would take that baby in. My eyes are tearing up right now thinking about that poor baby.

Does anyone watch The Mind of Mencia?

At the beginning of the show tonight he asked, "I wonder if gay men stop giving oral sex when they get married too?"

I've got to do some more cleaning tomorrow...
So I won't be on much, if at all either.
And by tomorrow, I mean Thursday...because....

Damn it, LOL....

Can't think, I'll finish this post tomorrow....

Sorry, I guess it didn't have much of a point.

So...

He're a pic.

Holy Hormones Bat Man!!

2005-07-27T07:25:00.000-05:00

He's got a nice ass, but I see a man boob.

What The Hell??

I mean if you're going to have such a fantastic body everywhere else...

Shouldn't you have a manly chest.

And by that I mean less chest and more man.

Oh, well...I'm running out of pictures to post.

I'm going to have to spend some time of the web soon searching for more HOT HALF-NAKED MEN!!!

He needs to do something about the buldging veins on his arms too. (cringe)

Although, I bet I could get a good stick in that one on his hand. Practice makes perfect!!!

"My, what good veins you have...the better for me to practice starting an IV with!!"

I Only Have Eyes....For You...

2005-07-26T07:07:00.000-05:00

I'm wondering what in the HELL!
Is this shit for real?
If it is...How does one find out that they can do such a thing?
Really...

Is this what happens when men spend time with their buddies on a weekend with no women and an endless supplie of beer?

I'm beginning to understand the "Prohibition."

God, my eyes hurt from looking at this.

On to other things...
I've been feeling out of shape of sorts (though certainly not litterally as in that above picture).
I wonder if it's nerves. I do start school in a few weeks and then I will most likely not be posting as frequently. I've got to take a couple of fast track courses so I can start the program in the spring.

I will be in class Monday-Saturday.

"Ugh!"

It'll be worth it though, right? I have to keep reminding myself how proud I will be when I dance down the isle...and I will be dancing! Make no mistake about that.

I'll likely be crying too. I'm not the "boo-hoo" type, but damn...graduating from college will be a BIG thing in my life. It's like the Holy Grail of my existance.

Hidden deep inside
Is a being that
I hide, from myself.

He slips out of my
Prison, only to
Cause me: doubt, hurt, tears.

I cannot kill him.
He is part of me.
The part that I hate.

He cannot be freed,
Lest he should kill me.
And so, I hide him
I hide him away...
Away from my heart.

MY CAT....MY CAT...MY CAT!!!!!

2005-07-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

My Cat CAME BACK!!!!

Half asleep in my husbands arms I hear a meow.
My husband heard it too.

So I get up and go open up the front door...

"DEZ!!!"

It's been close to a month and I'd honestly decided that he had been hit by a car or something.

He's back, but he's so skinny...

My cat is back!

The Name Game!!

2005-07-25T09:53:00.000-05:00

The rules are to make a sentence by using the lettersof your name, in order!
****
Devona
Does evil violate our nature always?

****

(Don't forget to post your sentence in the comments!!)

Slumber Parties Massacre!!!

2005-07-24T18:17:00.000-05:00

I had two older brothers. I was the fourth of five children (No it was not the Brady Bunch, by any means, LOL). What I'm trying to get at...is that I am not your typical "girly-girl."

Hell, I didn't even start trying to act like a female until highschool (when I realized that the boys liked that-Woo-Hoo!!). Even still, the only reason why I knew what I knew/know was because my best-friend (who was gay) fixed my hair and went shopping with me. Man, do I miss him! He and I played with make-up, hair care products, and fashion. I must remind you that this was in high-school.

Well, my daughter is a "girly-girl." I'm not upset with that. If it's who she is then I love her for that. My problem has now become...I am not sure how to be "girly" with a five year old.

She's having a slumber party on Friday and I want to make it special for her. If it were my slumber party, I would be taking her on a ghost hunt in a cemetery (yes, I am a little twisted, but I am who I am, lol...and you like me that way). Don't get me wrong, I am totally going to take her on a ghost hunt and scare the "drama queen" out of her...but not until she's older. I'm a good Mom (or at least I try to be) and I am pretty sure she's already going to need therapy when she grows up because of her crazy parents. I just don't want to add to it, LOL.

I talked with Smokey Smurf, but she's in the same position as I am. LOL...we're sisters after all and everything I went through so did she. Smokey Smurf is the fifth of five children AND they thought she was going to be retarded when Mom found out she was pregnant with her. The jury is still out on that one (Smokey is going to kick my ass for that one, LOL).

So, my faithful female readers...
What did you do at the slumber parties you went to?
Any ideas?
What do girls like to do at a normal slumber party?
(She's too young for Horror movies and ghost stories...)

Hit Me Baby One More Time

2005-07-23T10:51:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've felt I'm being neglectful to my male readers.

So here you go...

Now don't get to happy because she's not going to strip for you guys. LOL...it's art!

Can't you men look at a naked woman without reverting back to horny teenagers?

LOL...I didn't think so.

Well, at least I have bigger boobs than she...and I bet she's not even a blonde...I mean not a real blonde, anyway.

I like the paint texture though.

It's like something I saw off of the Home and Garden Network...the paint technique, not the naked woman. Are you men following at all??!

That's okay. You can ignore me for a minute, because this one's for the ladies...

Sweet Dreams Are Made of THIS!

2005-07-22T23:56:00.000-05:00

Midnight is calling
Darkness is falling
I hear the singing
Of rain.

Love and hold me
Kiss and scold me
And I will be
Out of pain.

Sometimes we have to look back on our lives.
I suppose it’s just the mood. I feel overwhelmed.
I’m running out of time, sweet blissful time!

My heart is heavy with it. My mind…heavy with it.
Yet, I will not be unsettled. I will not allow myself
to be disturbed by whatever fouls the air around me.

I’m going to focus on more pleasant things. Halloween is only a short time from now. I know you’re saying, “God, she’s nuts!”
Yes, I am, but I have good reason for getting ready for Halloween in July as opposed to September. You see, I will be in school doing a fast track course for eight weeks (four weeks? I’ll have to look back at my schedule…I can’t remember.) I always do Halloween arts and crafts and this year will be no exception. I’ll just have to do it now rather than later.

Other news…
My best friend Tracy is going to have her baby on August 3rd. She’s not actually due until August eleventh, but she’s been sick through the entire pregnancy and has been in the hospital twice. She doesn’t do well with her pregnancies and so after the birth of her second son and while they’ve got her cut open they are going to cut her tubes. I’m glad for her, because who knows whether or not the next child would kill her! I’ve know Tracy for most of my life and would crumble if I didn’t have her to talk with. I’m lucky to have such a close friend as her. We’re like family! We’re closer than family. It’s always been Smokey Smurf, Tracy, and I.
I think my friend from school may be starting a blog soon. I’ve almost got her talked into it. She will get her internet set up in about a week or so before school starts. She’s going to be taking some online classes like I do.
We may be getting a second car soon. I will be so excited I won’t be able to think straight I’m sure. They don’t run the busses to pick up pre-schoolers…and though we only live three blocks from the school, the Rogue Wit has reminded me that I’m screwed if it snows or gets too hot. My little boy has asthma now and I can’t take a chance of him having and attack on the way to school. We’ll walk on the nice days and drive on the bad. That and I hate…HATE…H-A-T-E!!! being stuck here during the day while Rogue Wit is at work.

It’s as if I have this cloud of angst that is hovering over my chest. Sometimes I have to wonder if I’m just fooling myself…thinking that I can live my dreams.

Does anyone else ever feel like that?

WEEKEND ASTROLOGY!!!

2005-07-22T07:00:00.000-05:00

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Enjoy Friday because Saturday
and Sunday are Leo’s day to
shine.

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Happy Birthday Leo’s!!!
I’m sure you’re going to get
everything that you asked for.
(Or rather that you told people
to buy for you, LOL)

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
You’ve had a hard time of it as of late. This
weekend is your time to shine and relax.
Get you stuff done early and be lazy for the
rest of the weekend. :)

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
You’re starting to feel excitement in the air.
Go ahead and start on your Halloween décor.
Fuck what everybody else says. Halloween is
only a few months away.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
Stay away from latex this weekend. Your moon
is in the spandex house which could cause
problems. I would suggest a healthy dose of
leather.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
Your war like tendencies are likely to start a fight
this weekend. Pretend to be gay and things will
work themselves out.

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Three words: Mail Order Brides (or grooms)
Hey, sex is really over rated anyway…and most
marriages end in divorce anyway. Roll one up
and have some ice cream. Then suck it up already!
Hehehe

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
Aquarius…Aquar-ius…
Isn’t that a song or something?

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
I’m not even going to tell you what
lies a head for your weekend. You
already know don’t you, you FREAKY
FREAK! LOL, pick me up at 9 sharp!

ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
So…how’d you get the rug burn?
Uh-hu. I know it all, baby…and
the crystal ball doesn’t lie!

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
You’re going to do what you want
to anyway. You don’t need my
advice. Fine! Fine! (Runs off
crying…)

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
The weekend is looking great for
you. Stay away from the Pisces
this weekend though. They’re
FREAKS!!

help!!

2005-07-21T20:23:00.000-05:00

Alright ya'll...

You know it's serious when I'm using my favorite word.

I need you guys to defend my honor.

Go to THIS site and leave your best insult.

Pretty pretty please...

Ha! Take that Andy!

Enima Queen

2005-07-21T17:36:00.000-05:00

...Rar!!!!!

The force is strong with you my son.
Now come here and take care of Daddy!

My Scorpion Story

2005-07-21T16:14:00.000-05:00

Shortly after my parents divorced when I was nineteen, I moved in with a friend just outside of town. Shawnee is a rather large town that kinda overlaps with some smaller ones: Meeker, Tecumseh, and Bethel.

Anyway, this place was technically in Meeker, but had a Shawnee P.O. Box and phone number. Needless to say it we were in the sticks.

Don’t get me wrong the place was beautiful! She lived on a few acres of gorgeous land. I remember many a day when I would go exploring with the dogs by my side. We gathered fire wood during the summer and fall because the only source of heat was a wood burning stove in the center of the house. Yes, there was electricity, but that was it…no A/C, no heater…just good old ceiling fans and windows.

The front porch was even set way back from the gravel road that swung by the house and the view of the house was blocked from the road by several tall bushes and trees. Keep in mind I was nineteen and a major pot head. I remember many a day/night/afternoon that we sat on the porch swing and hit our water bong. Ah, the good ole days…I kinda miss ‘em…but mostly I’m just glad I survived my stupidity.

So, where was I? Yes, I remember this post was just for Man in the Middle.

Okay, so being a girl I hate spiders and bugs and anything small and icky like that. Well, I’m from Oklahoma…born and raised here. The girl I lived with wasn’t. This was her house though and she’d lived there for many years (she was a good 15years older than I). It still makes me giggle remembering this story.

One night after I came home from work and burned a few trees I told her I was going to bed. It had been a long night and I had had a fight with my boyfriend (again) and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. I had to pass meds that night like always AND I had to do the aids work. You see, nursing homes suck and everyone who works there hates their job because they’re over worked and under paid. You never get benefits or time off because you’re always being called in to fill in for the fuck-ups who work there.

Okay, so I’m a little bitter…just a little.

….Oh, I was going to bed. I guess I had been a sleep for a few hours when I awoke to this blood-chilling scream. I was out of bed like a bat out of Hell and I ran to my friends bedroom. She was sitting on the side of her bed holding her foot and sobbing.

“Girl, what’s wrong?!”
“Oh, Devona…I don’t think the ambulance will get here on time!”
“WHAT AMBULANCE!? What happned?”
“…I just want you to know you were closer to me than my daughter…”

She kept sobbing. After about ten minutes she showed me her foot and then explained that she was bit by a scorpion and was going to die.
“Okay….”

I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself, literally. She didn’t find it funny that I was laughing at her while she was slowly dying from a scorpion bite. It was then I had to explain to her that the scorpions here in Oklahoma aren’t poisonous.

The ambulance arrived and they had a good laugh too.

So…that’s my scorpion story…and I’m sticking to it, LOL.

Hot Booty!!

2005-07-21T08:22:00.000-05:00

Smack That Ass!! (pardon my French)

"Interview With A Vampire" -this vampire

2005-07-21T07:39:00.000-05:00

The rules:
1) Leave me a comment saying interview me please.
2) I will respond by asking you five questions. ( not the same as you see here.)
3) You will update your blog/site with the interview questions.
4) You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

~So without further ado...these are my answers from my interview by the Queen~

1) When did you decide to become an RN? And why?

I have been a certified nursing assistant for almost ten years now.
When it was just my husband, myself, and my daughter we were doing pretty well for ourselves. I had a nice job that paid $12 an hour and my husband made above minimum wage.
Then I found out I was pregnant and we bought our house.
It wasn’t until I started a new job that I realized I could be a nurse.
My charge nurse and several of the nurses on my floor told me that I would do very well in school and would make a great nurse.
That and one of my friends showed me her paycheck for working just part time and she was a brand new nurse.
It was then I decided that I could do it.
I decided that the few years it would take to get through school was worth the hardship if it meant a better life for my babies and myself.
I want the “American Dream.”

2) Where did you meet Rogue? Did you know when you met him that he would be your husband?

Interestingly enough, I met the Rogue Wit at a psychic fair.
I was living in Shawnee and he in Norman.
The lady I lived with was into Wicca (I’m not a fan of it, but I’m not here to judge and we were friends) she got me into the psychic fair with her.
She read runes for people and we made things to sell.
I sculpt so I made fairies and sold them.
I put stones in all of my fairies and would get about $15-$25 for each.
(I wish I still had the time to devote to making them)
The Rogue Wit came up to our booth and kept picking up my fairies and looking at them.
He would glance up and smile at me and then pick another one up.
After a little while, I finally told him to either buy one or take me out on a date.
Like the smooth talker he was…he whipped out a card with his phone # on it and told me to call him anytime.
Then we were dating.

I think I did know, but I had issues.
LOL…when I say issues I mean I had just left my stalker of an X-boyfriend and was not about to hand over my heart on a crystal platter only to have him stomp on it.
The thing is that I had a dream about him while we were dating.
In the dream I kept picking up crystals and crushing them in my hands and he would take the shattered pieces and mold them into what appeared to be a unicorn.
One of the venders who was supposedly a “dream expert” wanted one of my fairies and said he would interpret something for me for one of my “love fairies.”
When he did the reading for me he told me that it meant with him (the rogue wit) I would be creating a beautiful life with if I was willing to give him control over my shattered heart…because he could make something beautiful out of it.
What was weird is that he was so right.

3) If you were to create a new flower what would it look like, smell like, and what would you name it? Would it have thorns? What color would it be or colors? Describe it fully.

I think I would create a flower that had petals like a rose but a big center like a sunflower.
I love sunflower seeds!
So they would have seeds similar but that tasted better (if that’s possible).
The outer petals would be dark blood red and get lighter towards the center with a vivid bright red.
They would grow on vines and bloom only at night.
I’d name them “vampflowers.”
LOL…they’d be so beautiful and with double thorns that looked like fangs.

4) If you could be a magic spell, what would it be, how would it work?

If I could be a magic spell it would be a truth spell.
I would stop people from being able to say anything if they started to tell a lie.
Then good or bad at least we would all be on the same page.
I think we would have a lot less stress that way.

5) If you where a fairy, a vampire, or an ogre what would your name be for each?

If I were a fairy or a vampire I would still go by my name, Devona.
I used to hate it only because everyone wanted to pronounce it wrong.
They want to pronounce it Dev-on (as in on and not off)-uh.
When it’s pronounced Dev-un-uh…like Devon with an uh.
I’ve gotten used to it and even the miss-pronouncing.
The truth is I love my name, Devona…It means brave girl and I believe that’s what I am.
Brave.
I think it would be a suiting name for any fairy or vampire.
As for an ogre…well, I would need a name that was powerful and commanding…
something that would strike fear into anyone who ran across my path.
Bedu (bay-doo)…it means warrior princess.
I like it!!!

I hope that this wasn’t too boring.
I really enjoyed these questions and I did quite a bit of thinking about my answers.
Now, who wants to be interviewed???

Rogue Wit

2005-07-20T12:03:00.000-05:00

I feel it's important to say how much I love my husband.

Some people never find their soul mate.
I'm one of the very fortunate to have found mine.

I truly truly hope that he should never feel taken for granted.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Never doubt that, my love.
I am yours for all time.

When I look into your eyes I still see the same man I fell in love with.
I see more too.
I see the love you have for me shining there in your beautiful eyes.

I don't regret anything where you're concerned.
You are my love. You are my life.
You gave me two beautiful children who only add to the love I feel for you.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

......I just needed to say it.

What Would You Do?

2005-07-20T09:03:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I’m shirking my blogging responsibilities. You can give me the lecture later.

I feel like a rant…not just any rant, but a personal one.
When do you officially call it quits?
When do you admit that it’s over?
When do you leave?

I have a friend (I’m not going to mention names, but she’ll know who I’m talking about when she reads this) who is going through some ruff times. The man she loves and has married is shirking his responsibilities as a husband. No he’s not cheating on her. He’s being a total ass.

I know, now you’re saying, “So what? All men are assess!”

Yes, yes, she knows that and I am certainly aware. All men are an ass to one degree to another, but this man has taken it to the next level.

I’ll try to be brief.

When you ask the man that you love completely and totally with all of your heart and he tells you that he only loves you half as much as he used to…what do you do?

When you’ve given the relationship 110% and he only puts in about 30%...what is the last straw?

Marriage is for better and worse, but when they’re not willing to go through the worse times with you…does that mean that you should cut your losses?

When the man you love cuts your self-esteem down to a tiny sliver…Do you stay with them?

When this has all been discussed and they decided that they were in the wrong and will make some changes, but then when you go back…not even two weeks later they do it again…is it safe to say that he’s not going to change?

When do you decide that you deserve better than what you’ve got and go…when that part that still loves him has your stomach in knots?

I say to go and cut your losses now. If he thinks it’s worth saving then he needs to make the effort because you’ve drained yourself dry from giving without receiving anything in return. No man is worth your self-esteem. It’s not worth walking around on egg shells waiting for him to snap again.

Yet, I am not the person to make this decision and it’s a hard one to make.

Yeah, if it were me, even with my kids…I’d kick him to the curb.

Desperately seeking advice…what would you do?

2005-07-18T19:37:00.000-05:00

Sing To Me!!

Little Miss Muffet

2005-07-18T10:41:00.000-05:00

I was in the middle of commenting on one of your blogs when I felt the disturbance.

It was slight at first, but it was unmistakably evil. Years of experience has taught me to listen to this feeling of mine. I sat perfectly still and tried to discern what was trying to attack me.

It was lurking as I sat in the dark room. Not even the curtain had been opened yet as is my usual custom. Some days I feel dark and surround myself in it. This was not that morning, but a lazy morning.

Then I notice the slight movement to my right.

I thought maybe I had imagined it at first as the shadows played across my right hand as it maneuvered the mouse.

Then I felt a touch and retrieved my hand from dangers way.

In one movement I stood up and switched on the lights, backing away from my desk.

There....with one long leg on my mouse....was a huge spider.

No, unfortunately, I am not exaggerating.
The spider was about 2 1/2 inches from leg to leg and it's body wasn't very small.
I think it was a wolf-spider. I'm not sure.
I know it wasn't a fiddle back.

I stared at the spider for an enternity and it watched me back.
It was hesitant to move now that the light was on.
Until my daughter came in to see what was wrong I was frozen and unable to move.
I could only stare, but then my motherly instincts kicked in.

I grabbed her and raced from the room.
Not knowing exactly what the spider would do in battle, I grabbed a variety of weapons:
a bottle of windex
a fly-swatter
a paper-towel
a heavy shoe

(Yeah, I know..."why windex?" I was out of hair spray is why.)

I crept back in the room to see my enemy now completely on top of my mouse.
It was if he was trying to claim his victory over my space, my desk, my woman-hood.
I was not going to give up that easy. I am a WOMAN!
(and there was no man in the house old enough to slay the evil beast for me...)

So I went into action.

In a dive closely resembling something out of Rambo, I flew into the room with my spray bottle of windex on stream. I assaulted the beast with the scent of sparkling windows.

Then the beast glared at me and lifted his legs in an evil posture that was surely taught to him by satan...and he let out a growl that was more fierce than any lion. (cough..no really...okay, well...I can write what I want. Nee-nee-nee-nee!)

The giant spider then took off with a speed of evil spiderness and I followed.
You see, though I may be timid, I have fought the evil that is spiders before.
I knew that if I watched and waited I would get my chance.

Just as the spider was about to run behind my desk I threw the shoe blocking it's way.
Yes, it pissed off the spider and gave me the moment I was waiting for.
The spider turned to run across the open room...at me.
That's when I hit it with my fly-swatter.

The first hit was just a flesh wound and he kept coming at me.
I swung my mighty saber at him again.
This time it was maiming and I went in for the kill.

As he sat there unable to jump or run I saw the sadness in his beady eyes as they stared back at me. I would be his killer. Yes, he was going to die and he saw it coming. I held my gaze steady.
Taking out the paper-towel form my pocket I folded it several times. Then, like the grim reaper strolling leisurely towards his charge I made my way to the fallen spider and dropped the paper towel over him. I then retrieved my shoe from the corner and donned it. The bottom of my shoe flattened to paper-towel to the hard floor, crushing whatever bit of life the spider may have had left.

Death is always hard even when it's your victory.

I feel somewhat sad for his death as I'm sure another will try to attack at a later date.
There is no regret.
Just a feeling of unease as I know now that my castle has been breached.
I feel less secure in my holding and turn on each light as I wander from room to room.
My sanctuary is now not so easy anymore.

I'm sure there are spies about.

I can't help but cringe every time I feel the brush of something on my arm.
Looking down there is nothing there, but I feel it all the same.
I know have the dreaded, "Heebee-jeebees."

suffice it to say that I am writing this from the lap top.
I had another post written and saved on my desk top, but the battle is still to fresh in my mind.
I cannot go near it for the moment.

My most sacred of all places, my desk, was defiled by that evil beast and it sits bitter in my stomach.

2005-07-17T10:03:00.000-05:00

LOL!!!

2005-07-17T10:02:00.000-05:00

Here's another one for the men. Yeah, she's hot, but she might kill you if you can't satisfy her.

WEEKEND ASTROLOGY

2005-07-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Happy Birthday Cancers!
Yup, that’s all. Come on, I’m
not a miracle worker.

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Maybe you should go ahead
and buy that new vibrator now.
We know your birthday is coming,
but friends don’t buy friends
vibrators.

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
Bla-bla-bla…Damn it. Why do I continue to
ask Mr. (Mrs.) Know-it-all stupid questions?
It’s re-fucking-toricle! We’re all aware you
know EVERYTHING.

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
Two Libras decide what to do this weekend:
“So…What do you want to do this weekend?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”
“No…Really, what do you want to do?”
(sigh) I’d suggest flipping a coin today, but
you have to have choices before you can
decide between them.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
Just because the rash is gone doesn’t mean
that it can’t still spread. Practice safe sex
this weekend. Use your hand.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
(Rolling my eyes and making jack-off motions)
Yeah, I’ve heard that pick-up line before. Keep
Practicing though and maybe you’ll find your
groove before you go out this weekend.

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Sorry about the advice last weekend. Maybe
this one you should stay away from the
Sagittarius’s. You should’ve used your own
judgment…Come on, they’re all assholes.
(lol)

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
Nobody wants to be your friend. Well,
boo-fucking-hoo princess! No one likes
a goody-goody. So do something notty
this weekend. What’s that you said
about peer pressure? Shut-up. (lmao)

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
So your sign is supposed to be one
of the best lovers…Let’s find out
this weekend if it’s true.

ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
You’re the life of the party, but
all of the CPR in the world can’t
resurrect the dead. So go ahead
and ditch your friend’s party.
Really, they’ll understand that
you have to maintain your rep
as “the party guy.” But maybe
you shouldn’t have told your
friend he was lame. Try and be
tactful.

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
Hmmm….Nope. I’ve got nothing.
Maybe if you didn’t butt head with
everyone I might give a shit. (LOL)
Okay, okay…here’s one: don’t rock
the boat. Tee-hee.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
So you’re cured, eh? Okay.
No, really! I believe you. But…
Well, you’re drooling, a LOT.
Just saying…

Doggy Style!

2005-07-14T07:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, so you're helping to write the next Kama-Sutra book.

What is going to be the "new move" on page 69?

(name and description)

2005-07-14T07:19:00.000-05:00

For the Guys...

Too Cute!! Really too cute!!

2005-07-13T17:00:00.000-05:00

My daughter has a new game she likes to play.

Whilst in the midst of “House Bitchery” I was strolling down the hall singing in the back of my mind, I’m too sexy for a Mom, when I heard my daughter singing.

So like any good Mom, I’m nosey and decide to check it out. I glide down the runway…I mean, hallway to peek in. I get just close enough to peek inside and listen, but far enough back that she can’t see me.

She was sitting on the steps to her bunk bed, half-way up and singing.

What?
I don’t know because she was singing in the little girl voice that only other Mothers of little girls can relate to. I was sure the dogs next door were going crazy it was so high.
As if that weren’t cute enough I look down and notice that all 34 of her Barbies are seated on the floor around her ladder facing her.

Just then her little brother comes running in her room giggling. He stayed long enough to kick the Barbies and then zipped away as if he’d never been.

Well, my daughter was pissed! She yelled at him, “Shooo! Go away Aiden! I’m doing a show!”

Yes, my 3 year old son torments his sister to no end. This is not to say that it is not reciprocated on her behalf, only his are much funnier.

God, I love my kids.

Creepy, Sexy, Tool!

2005-07-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that's kinda what my dreams are like...

Half-Naked Hottie!!!

2005-07-13T09:05:00.000-05:00

Oh Yeah!

I have a lot to say, but I'll have to catch everybody up later...

Knock Three Times by Tony Orlando

2005-07-13T09:03:00.000-05:00

Hey girl whatcha doin down there
Dancing alone every night while I live right above you
I can hear your music playin'
I can feel your body swayin'
One floor below me you don't even know me
I love you

CHORUS
Oh my darlin'
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness
Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

If you look out your window tonight
Pulling the string with the note thats attached to my heart
Read how many times I saw you
How in my silence I adored you
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come apart

CHORUS
Oh my darlin'
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness
Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

Oh I can hear the music playin'
I can feel your body swayin '
One floor below me you don't even know me
I love you

CHORUS
Oh my darlin'
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness
Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

You'll Always Be In My Heart! [sniff]

2005-07-11T23:08:00.000-05:00

Yea fare reader…

I hate to have to break the news to everyone. Ach, it’s hard to even type this.
But…
I will not be blogging after this post.

I know it’s hard to believe. I can hardly believe it myself, but I must. I MUST.

Yes, you’ve heard right. Today (and not the today as in when I posted this, but the today as in Tuesday which will be null and void on Wednesday and any other day proceeding that) there is nothing and I must stay away. I repeat must for some things have been brought to my attention and I must deal with these in all haste.

My bathroom has turned sour with all of the dirty bums that have touched their cheeks to my porcelain bull’s eye. I may not return from this journey into the lower regions of Hell.

Alas…fear not. As I shall return on the day which is after this (and by this I mean not when I posted this, but as in…okay, you I can see you’re following along).

I bid thee farewell and I will see thee two nights from now.

Until then, I beg of thee. Pray tell me what is your favorite way to be stupid?

EVERY BODY IS DOING IT!!!

2005-07-11T21:29:00.000-05:00

Support Your Vampire!

I have added this to my website on the side bar.

I figure if everybody else is doing it...then so can I.

How To Trap My Husband Into An Affair...

2005-07-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

Should I be flattered or what? Someone got to my site from Ask Jeeves in a search on “How to trap my husband into an afair.” (notice the misspelling, maybe that’s why it found my site…maybe anytime some one misspells something in the search bar it will bring my site up…I think I’m the queen of spelling errors, lol)

What is interesting is that I’m the top listing! Uhm, I’m so confused about this because I have never posted anything about trapping my husband in an affair or an afair.

Hmmm…
But, hey…At least I was #1 right?

Also, I love it that you can do a google search for either "enimas" or "coffee enimas" and I'm one of the top results.

YOU GOTTA LOVE GOOGLE!!

"Beauty School Drop-Out..."

2005-07-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

I wonder what he really aspired to be growing up? LOL, okay so I don't really give a shit about that, but I had to throw it out there.

I've not got much time to be on here today.

I hope everyone had a better weekend than I did.

Hot Man-ness!

2005-07-11T08:07:00.000-05:00

I bet I could bounce a quarter off of THAT!

DOOTY MAN

2005-07-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

This is an awesome way to kill time, but...

It's kinda sick too.

"You were warned."

[hehehehehe]

I am the DEATH CARD!!! (evil laughter in the background)

2005-07-10T01:20:00.000-05:00

You are the Death card. Death is a stage in the
cycle of life. Without death, there would be no
room for new things to grow. When you receive
the Death card in a tarot reading, fear not;
Death is only an indication that transformation
is about to occur. Death allows us all to
evolve by removing that which is no longer
needed. The end of one cycle makes way for a
new one. Old behaviours and patterns which have
tied us down are released. Death cleans house
so that we don't have needless drains on our
energy. In Death's ruthless destruction there
lies compassion. Image from: Danielle Sylvie
Taylor
http://members.limitless.org/~morpheum/gallery.html

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

WEEKEND ASTROLOGY!! (the day late version)

2005-07-09T08:02:00.000-05:00

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Happy Birthday Cancers! Let’s
get wild and crazy!

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
You better start reminding
everyone about your up-coming
birthday. As if anyone would…
COULD forget with you around.
(lol)

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
Your wife is happy. So you can relax some
this weekend. But first…I have a few things
I need you to do real quick…

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
Your work is never done. Know that after
this weekend you must relax and not lift a
finger for three weeks until school starts.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
You’re going to have to wait for the rash
to go away. So, no sex this weekend. It
should be gone by next weekend though.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
“Head out on the highway…” This is a great
weekend for you to consider going on a road
trip. But, don’t go too far! Gas is expensive.

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Make a date with a Sagittarius this weekend.
A road trip is the way to go.

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
You too….
Road trip!
And you can only pack one suit case.
Sheesh! You won’t need 8 extra pairs
of underware. I promise…

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
Relax this weekend and try to put
last weekend out of your mind.

ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
Being around people may be
a bad thing today. Stay home
and get drunk instead.

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
We know how you love to clean,
but when you start thinking about
waxing the wall…
Well, it’s time to put it down.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
Those new pills aren’t working
out for you. Make an appointment
to see you’re doctor first thing
Monday. Yes, you really do
need them.

My Bad

2005-07-08T13:32:00.000-05:00

I forgot today was Friday and I hadn't previously prepared the "WEEKEND ASTROLOGY."

So, I will work on it today and have it posted by tomorrow.

Bad Boabhan Sith, Bad!!!

"I sorry..." sniff sniff

Also, just in case you're interrested...

Chapter Three of Legeneds in complete.

...And remember...

"I'll love you more today than yesterday....but not as much as tomorrow..."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POPS!!

2005-07-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

Today is my Father's-in-law birthday.
I'll refreign from mentioning his age, lol, as I don't want him to spit in my food. (Hehehe)

Pops has been the best Father-in-law I could've ever asked for.
Not to mention, he's a great grampa.
Just ask my daughter, LOL...she'll let you know.
After getting off of work and I'm sure very tired, he still plays "come find me" with my daughter.
Yes, that's right. It's not hide and seek that they play.
That would be too easy, or harder maybe is the word I'm looking for.
LOL, it just wouldn't be as much fun.
"Come find me" is a game similar to hide and seek.
My daughter pulls you with her to a hiding spot and then yells:

"Come and find me...I'm in the closet...hiding with pops!"

LOL, what do you expect? She's not quite five yet.

So here's to you Pops!
For raising your son to be one of the more like-able assess...
Uhm, wait...
Let me try this again.

So here's to you POPS!
For raising your son to be a responsible man who loves his children.
Because your son has given me the two most precious gifts anyone could have ever asked for...
My daughter, Adara Jade and my son, Aiden Wallace.

Pops has his own blog but hasn't updated it in a good while.
So if you all have time, stop by and wish him a happy birthday and mention to him that he needs to post again. :)

2005-07-07T08:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, I am seriously pissed off here. I added some stuff yesterday and apparently it caused pop-ups on my blog. So I promptly removed the vile thing and now I'm still getting pop-ups!!

Bare with me and I will skin whatever mutha-f*#^a who's to blame.

THE BEST POSITION!!

2005-07-07T06:33:00.000-05:00

WHAT'S YOUR MOST COMFORTABLE POSITION IN BED?
...and by that I mean, sleeping position...

I sleep primarily on my right side with my right arm tucked under that pillow.
My left hand is clenched between my legs to keep it from flopping about, I guess.
It's just how I get comfortable.

So, how do you sleep?

Big Harry Dildos of Clay!

2005-07-06T18:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm a little bit disheartened (if that's a word).
I used to get about 90 hits a day. Used to being the key words here.
Now I'm only about 30-50 depending on my week.
What can I say, I'm an attention whore.

Mayhap it is my succumbing to the little "d" that I so loath.
Or maybe it's just that I say things like that and ya'll don't get it.
LOL, it's my hick accent isn't it?

Or could it be that the title of this blog implies a lot more HOT VAMPIRE ACTION!!

I'd be down with that. Oh, yeah....

One question though:
If you have a really hot vampire and he's putting the moves on you.
...Nibbling your neck and suckling your breasts...
If he's a vampire, he's technically dead.

Is it necrophilia?

How does blood get down there for an undead-hard-on-from-hell?

These are just questions I think of in my off time.

Now, on to the title of my post...

My best friend Tracy and I were always doing something dorky.
We were of course, the two biggest dorks in Shawnee for years.
Okay, well, maybe not the biggest dorks, but damn close.
Here's proof of our "Dorkdom":

My Dad tried several million times to get me into some type of extra-curricular activity.
It wasn't happening. I took swimming for a little while. Once I learned how to swim...well, why did I need to take more lessons?
He took me to gymnastics once and I never went back. Lets get this straight, I don't do tights and spandex [...anywhere but the bed room (and then only on special occasions)].
We had an ugly piano he tried to make us learn how to play.
Then there was the keyboards. Nope, still not a go.

Well, then one idea kinda took...kinda.
Though, probably not how he intended it.
He took us to a lady who makes and paints pottery and little ceramic cats and things.
I took a few lessons from her and that was it.
I must say that I learned what I felt like I needed and then I was done with it.
But...I was really into the paint thing.

Then my Dad thought, "Why don't you paint what you SCULPT?"
BRILLIANT!!
I was then introduced to several varieties of clay and mediums.

Well, you know you can only sculpt so many things before they get boring.
So with my best friend, a tub of clay, some paint, and some teenage know how we went out to make our mark in the art world!!

So what did we make?
I made a tiny penis paper weight.
Tracy made a nice take off of a doggy dropping.
I think there was some badly done ash trays and a crappy coffee mug.

That penis was wonderful though.
We kept it in my sock drawer.
If was great for tormenting people with.
And some times we just laughed that we'd made and painted a penis.
It even had pubes!

I wish I still had that tiny penis.
It's proof that it's not the size that matters, but the memories that lie within.

2005-07-06T08:01:00.000-05:00

My nephew will be here soon. I'm feeling a little better, thank you guys. Sometimes everything creeps up on me and I'm swallowed whole. Other times I'm just lost.

There's a lot of stuff going on and I can't even put words to it. Maybe it's just me. A woman that I am, I am prone to bits and fits and moods and such. I wish it were just PMS, but no, not yet.

Am I the only one who gets these bouts of depression?

Sometimes I cannot think past, "Man, have I screwed up my life."
Then I look at my children and think, "Maybe not so much."
My children (little hellions [sp?] that they are) are precious and dear to me.

My son is doing better with his asthma medicine. He does NOT like it, but I think he is realizing that he breathes better after taking it. I was so worried about him Sunday. We stayed in on the 4th so we wouldn't aggravate his breathing problems. He's such a good little boy, albeit, a stubborn one.

I guess what my problem is now, is that I no longer have transportation while the Rogue Wit is at work. These last two weeks had been SWEET! Now, I'm stuck here again. I know, Boo-fucking-hoo.

I guess that burn on my back really was pretty bad, because it's been almost three weeks and I'm still pealing. It doesn't really hurt anymore, but it itches like a bitch.

I'm anxious to start school in the fall once more.
I needed this summer off more than I'm willing to admit, but I'm ready to get the show back on the road. Moving forward is much preferable to stilling still. Hell, sometimes moving in any direction whether it be forward, back, or to one side is preferable to the stillness. No one likes stagnate waters. There's leeches and mosquito's breeding in there.

I so miss the days of two vehicles!
...and of having friends who lived closer.

Sad Eyes

2005-07-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a little lower than "bla" today.
Don't feel like much.
Sometimes I feel myself sinking into this state of mind, but not this time.
It attacked me and I was helpless to defend myself against it's power.
I'm overwhelmed to the breaking point of my mind. I'm lonely, but don't feel like company.
I know I'm not making any sense.
I cannot help but worry. Worry is who I am.
I feel dread creepy up behind to take advantage of my condition.

Sometimes, a cute smile doesn't matter

2005-07-05T09:22:00.000-05:00

He must be happy to see me..

Go ahead...click it!!

2005-07-05T06:15:00.000-05:00

(4th of July gifs)

2005-07-04T10:37:00.000-05:00

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!

!!

2005-07-03T13:03:00.000-05:00

Please keep your fingers crossed...
Smokey Smurf is on her way to take me and my sick little boy to the ER.

Which goddess are you?

2005-07-03T09:44:00.000-05:00

The Goddess of Flora and Sadness. You are a natural
dreamer. Always loyal and tranquil, you can
make anyone feel safe and you are exceptionally
thoughtful. You are a delicate beauty.

Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I am rain

2005-07-03T09:37:00.000-05:00

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and
unique. You are quite distant from emotion and
people, but you have been made this way by one
thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail
to see it, and are quite creative be it in art,
music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in
now you don't even bother to try having been
hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude
is that you don't need anyone but yourself,
people are just trouble waiting to happen. But
you really do want to trust someone no matter
if you see it or not, deep down your waiting
for someone to come and set you free. This kind
of depression can turn dangerous, don't let
them get to you. Not everyone in the world will
hurt you, humans are humans and are not
perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll
meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps
your shell will eventually disappear.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

What a cute wittle bunny wunny...

2005-07-03T09:35:00.000-05:00

Awww, a widdle bunny waaaabbit. You're gonna hug
him and squeeze him and then you're gonna
molest him. Chicka-wah-chicka-wah-wah. Just
do me a favour and don't send me the video,
it'll put me off my rabbit stew..

Like games or roleplay? Here's a great one that
has nothing to do with beastiality:

www.life-blood.vze.com

What animal would you have sex with (If you had to)?
brought to you by Quizilla

Brooding...

2005-07-03T03:00:00.000-05:00

Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.

What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

1978, Baby...yeah!

2005-07-02T23:30:00.000-05:00

You were born in the year of The Great Milenko.
Which means you are different from what people
may think.
Relevant Years:
1954, 1960, 1966, 1972, 1978, 1984, 1990, 1996,
2002. Most Compatible with Carnival of Carnage.

The Juggalo Zodiac Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

vampires

2005-07-02T23:26:00.000-05:00

Your connection with darkness is through your
interest in vampires. Theese occult beings
fascinates you. Their lives are just something
you would kill for, and if you would have the
opportunity to be sired, you would. Living a
mortal kind of life is just so ordinary and
boring. You aren't necessarly evil just because
of this interest/obsession, you just can
connect with them and their lifestyles. Though
people have a hard time understanding this and
chances are you're a social outcast. Perhaps
you hate your life and therefor developed this
interest, to escape reality.

What is your connection with darkness? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Fear

2005-07-02T23:23:00.000-05:00

You are sad because of your fear

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla

Hold Me, Love Me, Give Me All That You've Got...

2005-07-02T23:07:00.000-05:00

You need love.
You are a pretty normal, well-rounded person
that just craves that fairy tale love where you
will be swept off your feet and live happily
ever after. Chances are that you fantasize or
dream about it so much that you either see all
the guys/girls as unromantic or you tell
yourself that anyone could be your soulmate.
You long to have someone by your side and you
want to give back on the romance part too, not
just get.

What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Autumn Fairy

2005-07-02T22:58:00.000-05:00

your the autumn fairy. your not the brightest
crayon in the bunch butyou got a lot of style.

what type of fairy are you? with beautiful pix, music, and a stunning background!!!!
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday Post Early

2005-07-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

So, this is my official Happy 4th of July post.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!

I hope that we remember our troups this weekend.
I hope we remember why we love our country this weekend too.

Have a good time, but don't drink and drive.
Sometimes it's more fun to be the Designated Driver.

Remember one last thing...

Where there is fire there must be water...just in case.

A+ Johnny Depp

2005-07-02T12:15:00.000-05:00

SWEET LORD, HE IS HOT!!

"I'll have to pencil you in."

2005-07-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

Some days are just more beautiful than others.
At 72 degrees with a nice cool wind today is a wonderful day.

We took the kids to see Shark boy and Lava girl yesterday.
It was neat because I haven't gone to a 3-D movie in a long long time.
The kids have been wanting to see the movie ever sinse they saw the previews.

Got a lot of stuff to do today...so I'll catch up tonight.

Weekend Astrology

2005-07-01T10:08:00.000-05:00

Aries (March 21-April 20)
-Happiness is a stick of gum
chewed twice. So think
about making your own
happiness this time…
No one likes sloppy seconds.

Taurus (April 21-May 20, 21)
-Relax and breath easy this
weekend. Think about using
some Vaseline this time to
avoid chafing.

Gemini (May 21, 22-June 21)
-The pills aren’t working. Seek
medical advice and remember
just because you think you’re
okay, doesn’t mean that you
are.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
-Move some furniture around
and pretend you’re somewhere
else. Remember, baby steps.

Leo (July 23-August 22, 23)
-Laughter is the best medicine
be careful not to overdose.

Virgo (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)
-Smooth and silky makes your mate wild.
Keep that in mind when you feel like
getting freaky.

Libra (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)
-Quit kidding yourself. No one cares if
your house is sparkling clean or not.
So pull up a chair and make friends with
the filth.

Scorpio (October 23, 24-November 22)
-Tits and Ass. Yeah, that pretty much
covers it and you should cover yours. We
don’t want anymore “pictures” floating
out there do we.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 21, 23)
-Yes, everyone hates you. Don’t worry though,
no one likes them either.

Capricorn (December 22, 24-January 20)
-Imaginary friends are okay. No one is
really laughing at you. They’re
laughing with you.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19)
-Looks like a trip to the library or a
dull museum is in the cards for you.
Aren’t you just full of excitement
this weekend!

Pices (February 20-March 20)
-Three words: grab, twist, and pull.
I bet that bastard doesn’t fuck with
anymore this weekend.

WEEeeeeee!!!

2005-07-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I promise to get caught up again with everybody sometime this weekend. It's the last part of my husbands vacation and we just got paid so we're trying to make the most of it. We're debating right now about what to do today. We had a plan and then switched to plan B b/c of the heat index, but it's raining now so it's all up in the air. ONE way or another, we're going to do something F-U-N today!

"F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, N is for anywhere or anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea." ~courtesy of Spongebob Squarepants

Here...Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!

2005-06-30T21:07:00.000-05:00

Has anyone seen my cat?
He's been gone for days now.

...And my frog died...

Sheesh...what a day...

"Baby...don't forget my number"

2005-06-30T06:04:00.000-05:00

1-A,J,S
2-B,K,T
3-C,L,U
4-D,M,V
5-E,N,W
6-F,O,X
7-G,P,Y
8-H,Q,Z
9-I,R

Example: Jane S. Doe
j-a-n-e=12
s=1
d-o-e=15

12 + 1 + 15 = 28

(28)-> 2 + 8 = 10

(10)-> 1 + 0 = 1

~your number is 1~

1-You have a very strong will and are independent by nature. You are either very giving or very stingy depending on your moods.

2-You show a great deal of sympathy and are very gentle. Your creative energies spill out into your work and love life. Sometimes you put too much into your love life and neglect other important matters.

3-You're full of good energy and have the ability to charm others. Once you set your mind to something you will plan it out and get it done.

4-You're very praticle by nature and sometimes appear to be rude when you don't mean to be. You get what you want by sheer stuborness of will and a touch of caution.

5-You're a fickle one who likes excitement. You're always on the move and need to be entertained.

6-You're the sweet-heart. You enjoy the simple pleasures and see art and beauty in everything. This is sometimes your down fall because you can be overly trusting.

7-You're the smart and shy one. Everything has a place and you try to keep there. You're not one to follow, but are good at leading and sometimes you don't want to do either so you run alone.

8-You are such a vivid soul. You're charming, dynamic, successful, and are overwhelmed by your passions. The one thing you need is spiritualness.

9-You're the realist. You keep your hopes and dreams to yourself because you're afraid to be let down. Follow your heart for the answers you're always seeking.

Worried

2005-06-29T12:51:00.000-05:00

Sunday my Dad and Step-Mom came over to get some patio bricks.

My Dad had to stop several times because he was out of breath and having chest pains.
That is not a good sign.
Dad has always been fit.
I remember him picking us up from school when he got off work and taking us home.
He'd change clothes, have a snack, and work out for a few hours until my mother came home.
My Dad used to teach martial arts.
Smokey Smurf and I can count the number of times he's missed work on one hand.
The times he did miss work were because he scheduled a day off or he was so sick he couldn't get out of bed. Dad just didn't miss work.

Well, my step-Mom, bless her soul, takes good care of my Dad and has made him take off more.
He's got sick leave, so he might as well use it.
He had a bout with "prostate cancer" last year, I think.
(I may have been the year before that, not sure.)
And then when all of that crap was in the news about the "peg-tube lady" he and my step-Mom went and got a living will.
My Dad doesn't want any life saving measures taken.

Lately, Dad's been talking about how much he loves me and how he's so proud of me and what I'm doing not only for my family, but for myself. That's not like my Dad.

And Sunday he made sure that I gave him a hug.
He said, "Because...when my Mother died I always wished that I could have hugged her just one more time..."

Smokey and I were talking and she brings up a very good point.
I think my Dad is preparing to die or is afraid he will.
I'm too much of a pussy to ask him that for fear I will start blubbering like a little girl...his little girl. My eyes tear up every time I think about it, including now as I'm typing.
Smokey has asked him to get more tests done to see what the problem is, but Dad is refusing.
I can't loose my Dad, not now.
It's taken me most of my life to build a good relationship with him and now...

My kids need their "Pa-pa."

2005-06-29T08:20:00.000-05:00

*PANTING*

Enimas, Vaginas, Boobs, & Coffee!!

2005-06-29T07:05:00.000-05:00

We're all curious by nature and most of us are in one way of another attention whores.
Then it would be no surprise that I check my site meter from time to time to see just who visits my site. I've got to say that some of it is just hysterical.

I'm #2 on a search for "enima coffee boil."

I'm #1 on a search for "adult notty pleasures."

And I'm the only result for "boobs and vaginas."

I'm just here to please folks. I can only spread the love one search at a time...

Midnight masturbation

2005-06-28T08:50:00.000-05:00

Men spank their monkeys, jack off, whack it, choke their chicken, and stretch out the snake...

They have a million and one sayings for it.

What I want to know is what do they call it when a girl masturbates?

I mean other than "touching herself."