a day in the life of a blonde from Oklahoma

Eight in the morning, I wake up to my son patting me on the head saying, "Mo-oooo-oo-meeeee." Very cute and it puts me in a patient and easy mood. That is until I try to move.
Every muscle in my back it so tight, we're talking like a 300 pound woman squeezing into a size five-tight.



Ouch...I must have been beaten' up in my sleep...when I finally got to sleep.
Anyway, so I get up and dress the children as I am waiting my coffee ( a necessity to my existence, that is if no one wants to get killed by looking at me funny) and I pop about 5 alieve hoping that it will make the soreness in my back, neck, and shoulders bearable.
The kids are wonderful and I convince them to watch TV in my bed room as I fade in and out of conciseness. I was dreading seeing the "DOCTOR" so badly, I guess my body was rebelling and making itself sick.



So about 10:30 that morning I decide I've been comatose long enough and decide to go ahead and make the kids an early lunch so I can try and get my shit together before I go to the "DOCTOR."



So, doctor time get here and Bla, bla, bla-fuckity-bla...
He takes me off of the medicine I was on...well, really he just discontinued it because I haven't been taking it since Thursday. He then suggests, oh so cautiously, that I should think about talking with a counselor.



TEARS!



Then I feel like a dumb shit because I DO NOT CRY INFRONT OF ANYONE (other than my little sister and my husband). The Doc then tells me it does NOT mean that I am crazy. Which I can't help but think is total shit but, What-EVER...Sheesh, I don't know.
Then he talks me into have some blood drawn to check out some things, namely my thyroid because if that is malfunctioning then that would explain everything...Including the weight gain I'm experiencing...And I was loosing weight damn it! Oh well, then I beg for some sleeping medicine and he gave me a really week dose (but I did sleep better than I have in a long fucking time last night and I'm feeling more like myself than I have in FOREVER!).


So I come home and cry some more when my husband asks, "So...What'd the doc say?"



Later that afternoon, I take my daughter with me to pick up the sleeping pills at the Wal-Mart Super-Center (I was told it would take at least an hour to fill so I waited almost two hours before heading that way). Before I left I instruct my husband to light the grill because he's grilling BBQ pork ribs. I thought that he had understood that meant he was a big boy and could take care of that one simple task and understood all that that task entailed (sp?). I assumed much.


I get to Wal-Mart and the pharmacist tell me, "It'll be about 10 more minutes, and I'll bump you up to the top now that you are here."
So my daughter and I check out the hand bags. After hearing that thing on the radio about Bag Borrow Steal (see my last post) I had a hankerin' for a new hand bag. Ultimately I was just window shopping as we are some broke bitches until my school money comes in tomorrow (fingers, toes, and horns crossed).
I look at my watch and see it's now been 20 minutes. Hmmm...They haven't called my name on the over head yet! Oh well, I waltz back to the pharmacy and get back in the HUGE line.
Again I reach the front and a new bitch was there.
"Sorry, but it'll be about 10 more minutes."
"Uhm..What? No, you see the 'other (bitch--cough) lady' said it would be ten minutes because she bumped me up and it's been twenty. I was also told that it would be ready an hour after I called and I waited two. So it's been two and a half hours and I'm running out of time, okay...How much longer and I need a REAL time estimate!"
She looks at me trying not to cry (I don't care) and said, "I'm sorry but we got backed up and we're going in order. I'm not really sure how much time it will take."
Then your hero and mine walks off with daughter in tow muttering (very loudly, I might add) about how stupid these bitches are and that I'm going to find a different pharmacy.


Yes, they had seats around the pharmacy area. Three to be exact but, it was a three seat bench and on each side were some (what appeared to be) downsyndrome men. This really doesn't bother me...I've worked with them for almost 10 years on and off but, I was going to let my daughter sit. It was like they attacked her when she set down. Not in a "going to kill you" way but, "OOhh, it's a cute little girl, lets pat her on the head and give her hugs" way and that FREAKED out my daughter. She wouldn't even sit on my lap between them. So we stood and we stood and we stood...RIGHT in front of the pharmacy window where I checked my watch OFTEN.


About 30 minutes later the little girl who was about to cry, called my name and apologized over and over. I just signed what I needed to sign and paid for it and then left.


So it is now 3:40 in the afternoon and I have my Micro-Biology class that starts at 5:40 and I needed to leave early so I can 'find' that particular building....But I have directions, so no worries.
And I arrive home to see my husband sitting on the couch.
"Please tell me you've got it started?!"
"I had to turn it off because it was on so damn long that it was melting parts of it."
"What, so we can't use the grill anymore?"
"No, I'll just have to light it again."
"What?!!" It was slowly dawning on me just exactly what he was saying but, I wasn't about to jump to conclusions until I knew for sure.
So I walked into the kitchen. Yup, the pork ribs are still IN THE PACKAGE and STILL IN THE SINK! I could seriously feel a anxiety attack coming on...Or a bitch fest, same thing really.


So, apparently I assumed he knew that if I was gone for too long that he should prepare the pork ribs (which is opening the package, rinsing them, and putting a little BBQ sauce on them) and put them on the grill because it takes about 40-50 minutes to grill them right...These suckers are HUGE. You think he would've thought about it seeing as I'm running out of time here.


NOPE!



So he goes back out and is getting bitchy (because he had been bitched at...Which I kinda felt guilty about later) and on top of it he now couldn't get the grill to stay lit. GREAT!



So I'm preparing the rest of the food (and the damn pork ribs because you know that was just too hard for a man to do) and he comes in pissy suggesting that we just do this tomorrow...!!!



I remind him that we can't "just do it tomorrow" because he gets home alittle after five and I have another class tomorrow at five-forty that is up in the city and I would like to eat before I got to class and pass out from lack of nourishment. And I tell him that he needs to just keep trying a few more minutes and if it should still not stay lit to bring them in here and I'll "grill" them in the fucking oven (because I'm a woman and can do that shit and I thought ahead seeing as how he was having so much trouble with the grill and turned on the oven).



So I grill them in the oven and they are GOOD. What would men do without us? And I brush my hair, look over the directions to the building I need to go to, and make sure I have everything I need for the regular class and the lab class that would follow. Yup!



The one thing that neither of us had factored in was ROAD CONSTRUCTION. And yes, there was a LOT of it. So, I had to find an area to pull off so I could look at the campus map and see if there is another way for me to go. There is but I'm not sure I understand it but, it's 5:30 and class starts in ten minutes...And we don't want to be late on the first day of class!


Damn, more freakin' road construction!...So I have to do a loopy-turn-around-go side ways-and a back flip to get back to the way I normaly get to the college and hope for the best. It's now 6:00. Damn it I'm late but I still must keep going, as I am NOT a quitter, even though sometimes I've nearly crossed that line...But I waged on with my quest!


Finally, it's 6:20 and I find the damn building! They just had to fucking hide it huh. Lets just make things more difficult on the students who don't know the entire campus yet and put it in it's own building way over by the freakin' Highway that you can't use to get there because of road construction! But, I'm okay, I found it and can PROBABLY, MOST LIKELY make it there again, now that I have the general area down.


I race into the building and then have to dig out my schedule because, I don't know the freakin' room number! Okay, room #203 and the lab room is #303...I'm chanting this as I get to the elevators. When I get to the second floor hoping that I don't have one of those professors who is going to give me a lecture on being late and I CAN'T FIND THE DAMN ROOM!


I spot a load of cleaning people and ask the nicest looking one (by that I mean the one who didn't look like they would be a complete bitch to me if I asked them something) and this little old black lady pointed to the room and said, "It's right there Hun, but you're gonna be waitin' a good long while 'cause class don't start till Wednesday."


....



I almost had a nervous breakdown and come to find out it was over nothing...NOTHING!
Let's look on the bright side though, I can now drive slowly back from where I was in semi-light out-side (because the sun is just going down). SO yeah, I know how to get to my class when I go Wednesday.



I swear things like this are always happening to me!