Fatty Fatty 2-by-4...

So, Saturday night I was down at Smokey Smurf's. We were just sitting an talking, doing the sister "thang."

Every time I go down there I have to play with her hamster (STOP IT...Don't even go there, lol). It is the fattest damn hamster I've ever seen. It borders on Guinea Pig dimensions. So, it's rather aptly named, Fatty.

Now Fatty has a whole condo to himself. There were a few others but he ate them. Yes, I said "ate them." [this is not the 1st one of Smokey Smurf's pets to show cannibalistic tendencies; we had white mice as pets when we were growing up (among many other weird pets) and her mouse Benjamin ate mine and my brother's]

Anyway, as we were sitting there, Fatty kept staring at me...

It was one of those evil stares that you can feel.

Every time I looked up, Fatty was staring at me...

It was as if he knew when I was going to look at him.

Fatty was almost too big to fit into his tunnels which lead from deck to deck and to his snack/toilet/bed area. [Yeah, the stupid thing stores his food where he craps and sleeps there. He's got a food bowl at the bottom!!! He's freakin' weird. ]
And as he is almost unable to crawl through his tunnels so he has taken to climbing the cage. That is a sight if I do say so myself. Picture the sumo-wrestler of hamsters climbing a 4 story condo. I'm surprised the damn thing doesn't have a heart attack.

And he would hang on the bars and stare at me with black empty eyes and a demonic twitching nose. I could almost hear him calling me.


"I'm coming to get you Barbara..." (-night of the living dead rip off there)


On the top of the cage are two BIG books to keep the door closed. He's broken out countless times and the lock no longer works. Probably in search of more MEAT! You know they say that once they get a taste for it that's all they crave...

And he stared at me...

I watched as he almost got stuck trying to go around the tunnels and he was constantly biting, clawing, banging on the bars. He wanted out.

And he kept staring at me...