Woes of Mother-hood

Yesterday I watched my nephew, Alex.
He's a cute little boy with a flat top head.
It's one of those heads that you just have to pat and kiss because it's so strangely shaped. LOL

Alex had a bad day yesterday.
He was gassy and like babies do, he tensed up thus preventing himself a good fart.
Poor thing.
I still enjoy a good fart from time to time.
"It's one of life's simple pleasures."

While tending to the air bubble baby I had to rangle my son and daughter around.
They're good kids, really.
I know I post some of the more..."exciting" goings-on on my blog, but really I am blessed with two kind hearted children.
Yet, they are also ~MY~ children and therefore are doomed to be a pain in the ass.
It's genetic I think and mixed with my husbands genes...well, I think so far I've gotten off easy.

Now as you may or may not know, I am in the middle of potty training my 3 year old son.
No...it is not going well.
I asked for patience once a long time ago and God gave me my son.
...to teach me patience.
...or test it, I'm not quite sure.

I didn't use pull-ups with my daughter.
Everyone told me they don't help because the kid can't feel if they're wet or not.
Since I was a potty training virgin, I took their advice.
I spent a good seven months on my knees for that.
Servicing? ...yes
My husband? ...no
Like my husband would really get on his knees and scrub the floor.
NIGGA PLEASE!
(I think only women think about those kind of things...oops, off on a tangent again)

Potty training my son was been momentful at best.
I am using pull-ups with him.
Oh, yes!
After a week of carpet burned knees I decided it was best.

Well, yesterday I was taught humor...or maybe it was that I was too over-whelmed and upset to do anything but laugh.

I was burping and consoling a crying nephew-type baby when my son walked by.
I got a whiff of something close to death.
We had just gone to the bathroom about ten minutes before and he did nothing!
So I'm calling to my son to get his stinky-butt over here...
And the fartknocker ran off.

Now I could've put the crying baby down and gone and beat his ass, but I was getting close to having my nephew calmed down.
So with a vow to beat my son's ass and change him the minute either:
A-he comes back in here
B-the baby stops crying,
I continued my rocking and back patting.

Much like any other Mother about ten minutes went by and I'd forgotten my vow of justice.
Then I see my son waddling down the hallway and it all came back to me.

After cleaning him up and making sure everything was hunky-dory I decide I should take this chance to go to the bathroom in peace.
Everything always happens while on my the pot.

A short time later I am walking down the hallway and I see my son on my kitchen counter!
My son was drinking my food coloring.
Thank God it's non-toxic (I keep all of the deadly shit under lock and key!).
So I get pissed off and speed up my journey.
I'm about to the kitchen when....
SQUISH!

WTF??!

[Okay, I must remind people that my carpet is a shit brown color.]

I look down at the bottom of my foot and am furious to see I stepped on a turd ball!!!
So now I'm having to hop-scotch into the kitchen, clean up Easter-egg boy, and the turd ball off of my foot.
He was in more trouble than before.
...and I had to go make sure there were no more "land mines" laying around the carpet anywhere.

In hind sight...I should've put the crying baby down and dealt with "his royal marble maker" when I was thinking about it.