Crap

Well...

This has been a crap day so far. For that matter, it's been a crap week so far.

My bank is doing "up-dates" and so until midnight tonight I have no idea what I have in the account and I can't use my ATM/debit card.

It's crap I tell you, crap.

My husband gets paid once a month...the last day of the month and we're pretty broke by then. I can't send off any bills until I can check the balance and check it against what I have. I love direct deposit, but this sucks monkey-ass!

Then I get online to check my grades and see about doing my financial aid online.

Low and behold! I have to do it today.

Yippidi-fuckin-doo-da.

In order to fill out the FAFSA form I have to have a degree in "government jargon," because they make them extremely difficult to fill out.
HELLO!
I don't do my own taxes and yet I'm supposed to be able to find all of that shit on the tax paper work of last year to fill out my financial aid crap for this coming fall.

Well, it'll just have to be late.

Honestly, my husband fills out all of my paper work, explains them to me, and shows me where to sign.
Yes, he loves me that much and he knows that I have no...Absolutely NO patience or clue when it comes to filling out paper work of this kind of nature.

It feels like I have this heavy weight on my chest because I'm worrying about this so much.

It's like no matter how hard I try things don't work for me. I can't handle the pressure of certain things.
I can perform CPR and have done so.
I can handle life or death situations that I have been in while working for hospitals and nursing homes...

Why is it then, that I can't manage to keep my cool with this whole college thing?

It feels like half of everybody are waiting for me to fuck up.
The other half are expecting extraordinary things from me.

...I'm not sure I can be extraordinary.

I can only be me, worry-wart Devona.

I really feel like having a good cry, but...to whom do I cry too?

I'm stuck here, alone.
Only this blog and the phone keep me in touch with the real world most of the time.