Weekend Astrology

Aries (March 21-April 20)
-Happiness is a stick of gum
chewed twice. So think
about making your own
happiness this time…
No one likes sloppy seconds.

Taurus (April 21-May 20, 21)
-Relax and breath easy this
weekend. Think about using
some Vaseline this time to
avoid chafing.

Gemini (May 21, 22-June 21)
-The pills aren’t working. Seek
medical advice and remember
just because you think you’re
okay, doesn’t mean that you
are.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
-Move some furniture around
and pretend you’re somewhere
else. Remember, baby steps.

Leo (July 23-August 22, 23)
-Laughter is the best medicine
be careful not to overdose.

Virgo (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)
-Smooth and silky makes your mate wild.
Keep that in mind when you feel like
getting freaky.

Libra (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)
-Quit kidding yourself. No one cares if
your house is sparkling clean or not.
So pull up a chair and make friends with
the filth.

Scorpio (October 23, 24-November 22)
-Tits and Ass. Yeah, that pretty much
covers it and you should cover yours. We
don’t want anymore “pictures” floating
out there do we.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 21, 23)
-Yes, everyone hates you. Don’t worry though,
no one likes them either.

Capricorn (December 22, 24-January 20)
-Imaginary friends are okay. No one is
really laughing at you. They’re
laughing with you.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19)
-Looks like a trip to the library or a
dull museum is in the cards for you.
Aren’t you just full of excitement
this weekend!

Pices (February 20-March 20)
-Three words: grab, twist, and pull.
I bet that bastard doesn’t fuck with
anymore this weekend.