"Project for the Projects"

In the middle of a break from my cleaning and organizing, I am watching the Home & Garden Network. I love this channel. I love the ideas. Something is missing though.

As you watch all of the different shows one thing becomes quite clear. All of the home owners have money. Even the “Design on a Dime” show has a budget of $500-$1000. And let’s face it…I don’t have that kind of money to through around. It would be nice.

So as I sat there sulking and getting pissed off because we’re poor, a thought came to me. I should start a design show!

I’d call it: “Project for the Projects.”

We’d have a budget of $50-$100 and there would only be one show a year (you know, when they got their taxes in).

The first day we’d spend cleaning up the cat poo and digging out the old condoms that were stuck in the couch. I’d show them how to use the vacuum or if it didn’t work I’d show them how to use a broom to get most of the nastiness up.

Seeing as how Government Housing can’t be painted, we’d have to skip that and focus on things like window treatments. After all, the sheets they have hanging over the windows are in much better condition than the ones on their couches and beds.

We’d go to Dollar General and spruce up the place. I mean, with our budget we have to make it stretch and we’d recycle things around their house to add some character. Beer bottles with melted crayon designs make for beautiful candle holders or stick-incense holders for when they’re getting high. We’d get an old cigar box and decoupage it in a matching theme for them to put their paraphernalia in.

As for organization, well we’d focus on utilizing the drawers, cabinets, and closets to put things like clothes and dishes in…I mean, instead of on the floor.

To save some more money, we’d go out one night and “find” some bargains of our own. Gosh, people just leave their garages unlocked and their filled with all kinds of shit. Like furniture and stuff. Don’t forget to get the extra thick latex gloves! We don’t want to leave finger prints.

When our project was complete we’d sit down and smoke a big fat bowl with the new bong we made from: a garden hose, a spray painted gold bucket (to match the new décor) and 1/2 a three liter bottle with stars decoupaged in stream lines while we all watched COPS.