Fortune Cookie Disaster Solved!

I am going to make fortune cookies for my next party! And damn it I am going to put in some useful fortunes! The following are examples:

1) The Rock will knock on your door at midnight, so get rid of the husband and kids

2) Ed McMan (sp?) will be stopping by your door sometime next week...so don't go anywhere

3) Over night you will magically become more beautiful and "bang-able" than any of those stupid chicks men drool over

4) Everyone will finally admit that you are, in fact, right about everything

5) Smile, because if pisses off all the other bitches

6) You will take over the world

7) By next week your significant other (husband/cough) will be house broken and you won't have to remind him/her to do the chores

8) You will be having GREAT, utterly fantastic, mind bogling sex...next Tuesday at 10pm, be ready

9) There is such a thing as prince charming and yours just got lost but, will arrive in three days

10) Go ahead and spend the rent money, you deserve to

--These are just a few ideas that I thought would be great to find in a fortune cookie!

Does anyone else have any suggestions?

[there is a link to directions on how to make yourself fortune cookies in the title bar]