Weekend Astrology

ARIES (March 21-April 20)
-You may be thinking about
starting your own cult.
This is not your weekend.
Try Tuesday when the moon
is full. That’s when all the
crazies come out.

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)
-Quit worrying about your debt
this weekend. It will still be there
on Monday and not even collection
agencies call on Sundays. Go
ahead and spend your paycheck.
What’s a little more debt?

GEMINI (May 20,21-June 21)
-Don’t forget to take your
Bi-Polar medication with you
where ever you my find yourself
this weekend.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)
-Quit being a home-body or your
wife is going to dump your ass
like a dead body in a ditch.

LEO (July 23-Aug 22,23)
-You are not the only person
on the stage of life and if you
have any desirer to get laid
this weekend, you’ll take into
consideration what others
want to do.

VIRGO (Aug 22,23-Sept 22,23)
-You don’t know everything and
should listen to what your wife
tells you.

LIBRA (Sept 22,23-Oct 22,23)
-Relax this weekend and work
on balancing your soul. You’re
perfect and deserve a break.

SCORPIO (Oct 22,23-Nov 22)
-You can’t have it your way
all of the time, but you will
always at least get laid one
way or another.

SAGGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 21,23)
-Once again your weekend will be
full of fighting because you have
more of an interest in what your
friends want than your boyfriend.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22,24-Jan 20)
-Stop listening to the voices this
weekend. Instead try meditating
to some Yanni for about an hour
or two, naked.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19)
-Sex on the first date is great,
but will you still respect them
in the morning? Be considerate
and ask for the blow job instead.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20)
-Stop being so prude and
make your man smile this
weekend…Before you turn
him gay.