Little Miss Muffet

I was in the middle of commenting on one of your blogs when I felt the disturbance.

It was slight at first, but it was unmistakably evil. Years of experience has taught me to listen to this feeling of mine. I sat perfectly still and tried to discern what was trying to attack me.

It was lurking as I sat in the dark room. Not even the curtain had been opened yet as is my usual custom. Some days I feel dark and surround myself in it. This was not that morning, but a lazy morning.

Then I notice the slight movement to my right.

I thought maybe I had imagined it at first as the shadows played across my right hand as it maneuvered the mouse.

Then I felt a touch and retrieved my hand from dangers way.

In one movement I stood up and switched on the lights, backing away from my desk.

There....with one long leg on my mouse....was a huge spider.

No, unfortunately, I am not exaggerating.
The spider was about 2 1/2 inches from leg to leg and it's body wasn't very small.
I think it was a wolf-spider. I'm not sure.
I know it wasn't a fiddle back.

I stared at the spider for an enternity and it watched me back.
It was hesitant to move now that the light was on.
Until my daughter came in to see what was wrong I was frozen and unable to move.
I could only stare, but then my motherly instincts kicked in.

I grabbed her and raced from the room.
Not knowing exactly what the spider would do in battle, I grabbed a variety of weapons:
a bottle of windex
a fly-swatter
a paper-towel
a heavy shoe

(Yeah, I know..."why windex?" I was out of hair spray is why.)

I crept back in the room to see my enemy now completely on top of my mouse.
It was if he was trying to claim his victory over my space, my desk, my woman-hood.
I was not going to give up that easy. I am a WOMAN!
(and there was no man in the house old enough to slay the evil beast for me...)

So I went into action.

In a dive closely resembling something out of Rambo, I flew into the room with my spray bottle of windex on stream. I assaulted the beast with the scent of sparkling windows.

Then the beast glared at me and lifted his legs in an evil posture that was surely taught to him by satan...and he let out a growl that was more fierce than any lion. (cough..no really...okay, well...I can write what I want. Nee-nee-nee-nee!)

The giant spider then took off with a speed of evil spiderness and I followed.
You see, though I may be timid, I have fought the evil that is spiders before.
I knew that if I watched and waited I would get my chance.

Just as the spider was about to run behind my desk I threw the shoe blocking it's way.
Yes, it pissed off the spider and gave me the moment I was waiting for.
The spider turned to run across the open room...at me.
That's when I hit it with my fly-swatter.

The first hit was just a flesh wound and he kept coming at me.
I swung my mighty saber at him again.
This time it was maiming and I went in for the kill.

As he sat there unable to jump or run I saw the sadness in his beady eyes as they stared back at me. I would be his killer. Yes, he was going to die and he saw it coming. I held my gaze steady.
Taking out the paper-towel form my pocket I folded it several times. Then, like the grim reaper strolling leisurely towards his charge I made my way to the fallen spider and dropped the paper towel over him. I then retrieved my shoe from the corner and donned it. The bottom of my shoe flattened to paper-towel to the hard floor, crushing whatever bit of life the spider may have had left.

Death is always hard even when it's your victory.

I feel somewhat sad for his death as I'm sure another will try to attack at a later date.
There is no regret.
Just a feeling of unease as I know now that my castle has been breached.
I feel less secure in my holding and turn on each light as I wander from room to room.
My sanctuary is now not so easy anymore.

I'm sure there are spies about.

I can't help but cringe every time I feel the brush of something on my arm.
Looking down there is nothing there, but I feel it all the same.
I know have the dreaded, "Heebee-jeebees."

suffice it to say that I am writing this from the lap top.
I had another post written and saved on my desk top, but the battle is still to fresh in my mind.
I cannot go near it for the moment.

My most sacred of all places, my desk, was defiled by that evil beast and it sits bitter in my stomach.