When is it time to let go?

Talking with a friend today has made me do some reflecting. The Rogue Wit is truly my soul-mate.

Marriage is hard work…HARD work. Sometimes there is an abundance of joy and happiness and other times it’s scarce. Does that mean it’s time to call it quits?

Not hardly.

There are times in our life when every body wonders about it. We ask ourselves if this is really going to work out. Am I fooling myself?

The point is that wondering about it should re-affirm our loyalties and relationships. Cliché yes, but when you are wondering about “Us,” write down a list of good and bad. Now cross off the silly things on the bad side. Example: snoring, smacking when she/he eats, doesn’t like Hootie and the Blowfish. Then, to be fair, write down your annoying qualities too. Then look at it, really look at it. If there are major problems, can you fix them? Are you the problem? Is he/she the problem? Are they really problems or just annoyances? Can you change something and make things better? Do you want to make things better? Does he/she want to make things better?

It sounds very silly, but the truth is it works.

My friend who I spoke with today was asking for an outside opinion. She knows I’m her friend, but she also knows that I can step back from her situation and look at it objectively. We’ve been friends for a short time, in the grand scheme of things, but we’ve got a friendship where we’re not afraid to tell each other if one of us is fucking up. So, I had her make one of those lists and call me back.

She has some very well founded and serious problems. It was an eye opening experience for her. To place all of that down on paper and look at it…well, let’s just say it made the picture a lot more clear to her. She really needs to leave him. She wants to leave him, but sometimes that’s hard especially if you have kids. I’ve spoken of this friend here before. Her husband was the one who opened a separate bank account with out her knowledge or consent. It’s the things he’s doing that are just odd and the fact that he doesn’t want to see a marriage counselor with her…It’s time to admit that it’s over.

It sounds like it’s been over for a long time…though neither one of them would admit it.