My Scorpion Story

Shortly after my parents divorced when I was nineteen, I moved in with a friend just outside of town. Shawnee is a rather large town that kinda overlaps with some smaller ones: Meeker, Tecumseh, and Bethel.

Anyway, this place was technically in Meeker, but had a Shawnee P.O. Box and phone number. Needless to say it we were in the sticks.

Don’t get me wrong the place was beautiful! She lived on a few acres of gorgeous land. I remember many a day when I would go exploring with the dogs by my side. We gathered fire wood during the summer and fall because the only source of heat was a wood burning stove in the center of the house. Yes, there was electricity, but that was it…no A/C, no heater…just good old ceiling fans and windows.

The front porch was even set way back from the gravel road that swung by the house and the view of the house was blocked from the road by several tall bushes and trees. Keep in mind I was nineteen and a major pot head. I remember many a day/night/afternoon that we sat on the porch swing and hit our water bong. Ah, the good ole days…I kinda miss ‘em…but mostly I’m just glad I survived my stupidity.

So, where was I? Yes, I remember this post was just for Man in the Middle.

Okay, so being a girl I hate spiders and bugs and anything small and icky like that. Well, I’m from Oklahoma…born and raised here. The girl I lived with wasn’t. This was her house though and she’d lived there for many years (she was a good 15years older than I). It still makes me giggle remembering this story.

One night after I came home from work and burned a few trees I told her I was going to bed. It had been a long night and I had had a fight with my boyfriend (again) and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. I had to pass meds that night like always AND I had to do the aids work. You see, nursing homes suck and everyone who works there hates their job because they’re over worked and under paid. You never get benefits or time off because you’re always being called in to fill in for the fuck-ups who work there.

Okay, so I’m a little bitter…just a little.

….Oh, I was going to bed. I guess I had been a sleep for a few hours when I awoke to this blood-chilling scream. I was out of bed like a bat out of Hell and I ran to my friends bedroom. She was sitting on the side of her bed holding her foot and sobbing.

“Girl, what’s wrong?!”
“Oh, Devona…I don’t think the ambulance will get here on time!”
“WHAT AMBULANCE!? What happned?”
“…I just want you to know you were closer to me than my daughter…”

She kept sobbing. After about ten minutes she showed me her foot and then explained that she was bit by a scorpion and was going to die.
“Okay….”

I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself, literally. She didn’t find it funny that I was laughing at her while she was slowly dying from a scorpion bite. It was then I had to explain to her that the scorpions here in Oklahoma aren’t poisonous.

The ambulance arrived and they had a good laugh too.

So…that’s my scorpion story…and I’m sticking to it, LOL.