I Stand And I Love You

Sometimes, when we aren’t thinking about it and we aren’t concerned with it…it arrives. Sitting up last night with my wonderful husband, I realized my life couldn’t be better. So what if we’re struggling, so what if times aren’t the best, so what? In my life I have a wonderful and caring husband. In my life I have two wonderful and good children. I have a small family and a house to call my own. I’m fortunate, very fortunate.
I have to sit back and wonder what I did to deserve this…I don’t remember being an angel. It’s great that God doesn’t care about that.
I’ve run all week long, doing crap that had to get done. The weekend was supposed to be without tedious house work. Didn’t quite turn out like that. All in all, it hasn’t been that bad. The world didn’t end because the house isn’t sparkling.
Mid-terms are coming up already and I need to go enroll for the fall semester. I’m just not looking forward having to deal with those stupid counselors they have me speak with. They just frustrate me. Not only do I have to work up the courage to go down and speak with them, I also have taken to writing down any questions that I have so they won’t ignore what I ask and change the subject. How do they even get hired? Hmph! I guess I shouldn’t get so upset with them, but I usually come home with tears after having to deal with their “procedures.” …Ah, but to be out of school in two years will be reward enough! I’ll thumb my nose at them and never go back, I’ll be going to OU for my BSN and Masters. I think I’m even beginning to let myself be persuaded to go for my PhD in nursing later. We’ll see, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I needed last night, badly. It was a reaffirmation of my love for Kirk as well as my children. I guess when you’re with someone for so long it becomes difficult to remember, why. Why are we with them, again? I laugh, but it’s really not a laughing matter. You know they say the number one reason for divorce is money. And believe me it’s been tight around here, if not non-existent at times. I hope the old adage is true about families being closer due to hardships…because it’s been a struggle. There have been many tearful night while trying to figure out, how are we going to make it through the next two weeks on $80? But you know, God didn’t let me down, even when I let Him down.
This is the reason I’m going to school…for my children, for my husband, but mostly for myself. I want to offer my children a better future, small joys, the little things. I want to be on equal standing as far as my pay check and my husbands pay check (I’m for an equal income house-hold). Mostly, I just want to be able to not worry about paying the bills or putting food on the table.
Well, I guess I’ve been long-winded enough. I’m not sure what I was hoping to do by my posting this but…here it is.
Through heart ache and pain
Your tear drops like rain
I stand and I love you
My thoughts might be heavy
So many burdens we carry
Still, I stand and I love you
I know it’s been hard
Life throwing its card
Still, I stand and I love you
You never will know
The love that you sow
Sprouted roots where I stand and I love you