I AM an Evil Mutha!

Moms are evil. Yes, I will admit this but, we are evil because we LOVE YOU!


Example:


My son has an affinity for corndogs. We’re talking he would just keep eating them not stop through-out the day if we let him. And both of my children are VERY picky eaters (Hmmm…could it be because their father IS also FREAKIN’ PICKY??! I mean the man doesn’t even like home-made lasagna or any lasagna or anything with tomato sauce or broccoli-cheese casserole or any VEGETABLES except corn). So I try to keep what I know ALL OF MY CHILDREN (husband included) will eat around the house. So every major trip to the store, I buy the economy box of 24 individually packaged corndogs.


My son (like his father) does not like fruit (as in it’s a waist of fucking money if I’m buying just for him) and will only eat the vegetable: corn.
My daughter (like her mother) will eat fruit and vegetables. She eats healthy snacks like 2% cheese sticks, oranges, apples, bananas, and even kiwi (and we can’t keep strawberries in the house…if she sees them, they’re gone). She is particular about what kind of meat she eats though. If I make “taco salad” we have to save some of the meat and make a couple of small patties to cook before we make the taco meat and cook it. My son won’t even eat HAMBURGERS!


Ooops, I kinda got off on a tangent, my bad.

So, the last time I went to the store (about 4 or 5 days ago) for a major shopping trip I spied with my little eye…something that LOOKED like a corn dog.
But it wasn’t; it was one of those pancake-wrapped sausages on a stick. Bells rang and I was instantly hit with an idea.
Now check the price…Just over $4, cool I can deal with that.
So I snag a box and put it in the cart with the REAL corndogs (b/c heaven forbid I should come home without that!...Thank God for gummy-vitamins, at least I know the kids are getting the necessary vitamins and minerals).


It’s been a few days. I asked, as I always do, what they wanted for lunch.

My daughter had to think for a few minutes. I mean, after all she eats more than one thing. She looks around in the cabinet and the refrigerator and then the freezer. Spying the chicken nuggets she yanks the bag out and asks if that’s okay.

Sure.

Now my son didn’t even have to think about it. You can guess what he wanted, right?
“Are you sure you don’t want some chicken nuggets with sister?” He actually likes chicken nuggets, especially from McDonalds.

Nope.

He was adamant about wanting a corndog and grabbed two out of the freezer. Sighing I take them and tell them both to give me a little bit to get everything cooked.

I’m heating up the fryer for the chicken nuggets and then it hits me.


The pancake-corndog-looking-sausage-thingies! Oh yeah, I put ONE of the corndogs back and grabbed one pancake-corndog-looking-sausage-thingies.


So I do the mandatory:
“Kids…lunch is ready!” call and await them. I am, after all, having leftover Chinese (you know, the same shit that I got the blank fortune from…evil bastards!) and I sit down at the kitchen table with both of my kiddo’s.

I watch my son through the corner of my eye, as not to give away anything. Low and behold, he picks up the Not-the-corndog-one and begins to unpeel it.

(Yes, that’s right. My son is rather odd with certain things and he’s very meticulous in nature. He HAS to peel the breading off the dog before he will it the dog. He’ll go back and eat the bread later, if he’s not full from the dog. And heaven HELP US if the ‘dog’ falls of the stick!...he has been known to cry for a ½ hour when this has happened. And yes, I’ve tried just sticking a hot dog on a stick…it DOES NOT WORK!)

….He begins unpeeling it. There is this look on his face that words cannot describe but, was so hysterical that I had to put down my fork and walk into the other room for fear of laughing at him. He “noticed” something was ODD about his “corndog.”
But he kept peeling all the same. You never know, it might just be the tip, right?

It’s completely peeled and he looks at it…Then at me…Then back at IT.

I get this “you evil bitch” look from him as he sniffs the not-the-corndog and then licks it.

I am giggling under my breath and trying to hold a straight face. But the lick never lies!


IT WAS NOT ONE OF HIS CORNDOGS!

He grabbed the “other” corndog (which was a real one but, he didn’t know that yet) and proceeds peeling it very quickly. As if he fears the same fate has befallen this one too.

Upon seeing that it is “okay” he takes hold of it and runs off.

I guess he’s hiding it from me. He still hasn’t eaten it yet. I’m afraid he’s going to save it until he’s REALLY hungry…I mean, for all he knew I used my evil bitch powers to transform his corndog into some hideous-leprosy-infected-corndog!

Man, I’m so evil…I don’t guess I’m going to do that to him again…for a while anyway.