Weekend Astrology

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,
we love you. Happy Birthday
and may all your dreams come true!
Here’s $5. Now go get a blow job.

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
What did one Virgo say to another Virgo?
It was a trick question. You see they’re
both Virgos and there for know everything.
So they already knew what the other one
was going to say and how the other would
respond. Duh?!?

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
You sense of fashion is starting to falter.
Darling, the hair style looked great in the
book, yes, but you know you’ve got too
round of a face for that! It’s alright. Go
blow $100 and you’ll feel better.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
It looks like your moon is still stuck in the
spandex house! We’re going to have to call
in for the jaws of life! Just say no to spandex!

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
She told you it was a cock ring?? Dude, it was a
rubber band, man. Now what are you going to do
with out a dick? You really pissed her off huh?

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Way to go with the rubber band. If you ask
me, well he was asking for it. LOL…just
plead insanity and you’ll be alright. Hit the
spa this weekend and enjoy yourself.

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
A-Quar-Rius! Sorry, I’m still singing
that song. Now, all I’m seeing in my
crystal ball is a lot of smoke for you.
Hmmm…I guess you’ll be having a
good time at a crowed bar or something.
…Man I need a new crystal ball!

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
You know…you’re the “fish” sign.
Could this also be the lesbian sign?
All I’m saying is look before you
leap this weekend. Fish is pretty
good…fried.


ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
Why don’t you just have yourself
committed this weekend. Sure, it’s
not exactly like the spa, but think
of all the fun activities!

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
Anyone ever tell you, you’re hung
like a bull? I didn’t think so. I’m
in a generous mood today. Here’s
$2 get yourself a beer.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
I’m glad to see the shock therapy
is working! No more pills for you!
Get laid this weekend. Pisces and
you can try to figure out the birds
and the bees together.


CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Too much sun makes you turn
black and we don’t want Blog
Ho to eat you. Or do we?
“Munch, munch, munch!!”