...black empty eyes...(shivers) 

Fatty Fatty 2-by-4...

So, Saturday night I was down at Smokey Smurf's. We were just sitting an talking, doing the sister "thang."

Every time I go down there I have to play with her hamster (STOP IT...Don't even go there, lol). It is the fattest damn hamster I've ever seen. It borders on Guinea Pig dimensions. So, it's rather aptly named, Fatty.

Now Fatty has a whole condo to himself. There were a few others but he ate them. Yes, I said "ate them." [this is not the 1st one of Smokey Smurf's pets to show cannibalistic tendencies; we had white mice as pets when we were growing up (among many other weird pets) and her mouse Benjamin ate mine and my brother's]

Anyway, as we were sitting there, Fatty kept staring at me...

It was one of those evil stares that you can feel.

Every time I looked up, Fatty was staring at me...

It was as if he knew when I was going to look at him.

Fatty was almost too big to fit into his tunnels which lead from deck to deck and to his snack/toilet/bed area. [Yeah, the stupid thing stores his food where he craps and sleeps there. He's got a food bowl at the bottom!!! He's freakin' weird. ]
And as he is almost unable to crawl through his tunnels so he has taken to climbing the cage. That is a sight if I do say so myself. Picture the sumo-wrestler of hamsters climbing a 4 story condo. I'm surprised the damn thing doesn't have a heart attack.

And he would hang on the bars and stare at me with black empty eyes and a demonic twitching nose. I could almost hear him calling me.


"I'm coming to get you Barbara..." (-night of the living dead rip off there)


On the top of the cage are two BIG books to keep the door closed. He's broken out countless times and the lock no longer works. Probably in search of more MEAT! You know they say that once they get a taste for it that's all they crave...

And he stared at me...

I watched as he almost got stuck trying to go around the tunnels and he was constantly biting, clawing, banging on the bars. He wanted out.

And he kept staring at me...

..so why don't you kill me...

According to the "Which Big Lebowski character are you?" quiz:

Why don't you check it out? Or we cut of your Johnson!

Busy busy busy

Don't you hate having 400,000,000,000 things to do in one week.

Okay, so maybe I'm exagerating but, only by about a 1000 (hehehe). Yesterday morning we got up and I took my son to the doctor. I swore it looked like he had pink eye and I was not going to have the whole house infected again. I'd never had that until I had kids and it sucks MAJOR ASS!

They told me it was just REALLY REALLY BAD allergies. Whoo-hoo...no pink eye...but, damn, now he's got to be medicated 'round the clock. He is a handful when it comes to giving him medicine of any kind. I have to sit on the floor, wrap my one leg around his two, grab his hands with my left and get him in sort of a head-lock so that I can administer the medicine with my right hand. MAN, I hate it when he's got to take medicine...I feel like I'm abusing the poor child.

After the good news of "No PINK EYE!" I then had to go clean. Which actually wasn't that bad. My son thought he was in heaven. He doesn't usually get to go with me when I clean but, yesterdat he did and sister staid at home.

Then I had to stop by the store and get the medicine for my son and some cough supresent. I grabbed him a few snacky things too because, well, that's what you do for sick kids right? Bribe them to be good and hope that that makes them happy for a while.
--yeah, I didn't think I was the only one.

So I come home and Rogue Wit with the help of my daughter (half-wit?...LOL) had pulled up my son's carpet. YAY! SO...this morning when I get the son up he is looking so much better. It's amazing what getting rid of a nasty carpet can do. I'm also glad because now I don't have to scrub that fucker once a week anymore. YES!

Kuddo's My Love...GOOD JOB!

Then I go spend about an hour with my little sister, Smokey Smurf. Her hamster was giving me death threats...I swear it. (I'll post about that later)

So, today...we're finishing the study (as in pulling down the shelves and then slapping on the first coat of color! OOOOOh...I'm excited!

Then I've got two tests tomorrow so I'm going to do some reveiwing...it's really not going to be hard. The one I'm worried about is the one for this coming Saturday that I have to take. That one is going to require a lot more studying. But, I'm going to be optimistic...as in...I AM going to PASS that test!


Damn it though...it's cold! It was in the 60's the other day and the very next day it snowed then yesterday wasn't bad but today it's 32*! Just goes to show ya, when you live in Oklahoma if you don't like the weather...wait a minute.

also...duh

You're a sporty tom boy. That's not a bad thing.
You're friendly, competitive, athletic, and you
love to have fun. You attract a lot of guy
friends and make many girls jealous. Don't pay
attention to them. A lot of boys might think
you are aggressive and might be intimidated.
Don't worry, show them the other side of you
that makes people so attracted to your fun
personality. You also are a profectionist. You
have to be good at everything. But please don't
stress yourself out. You're just fine the way
you are.


What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

duh

Nemesis


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

This was an email from my Mother-in-law...the caption said, "You know it's almost spring when the girls start showing their belly button." 

(Visual)

Seeing as how everyone else has written a steamy story...Here's mine...(uhm, it may or may not be true)

Rathwel and Blog Ho slowly undressed each other and were careful not to rip their clothes. After all they didn’t want Ho’s wife to find out about their excursions.

It started the day that Blog Ho went to the doctor to have his gayness tested. He noticed the handsome Rathwel reading the Oprah magazine in the waiting room. Ho couldn’t help himself envisioning that long dark hair curled between his fingers as he pumped in and out of that sumptuous mouth…





(I’ll be hiding for a few days…For fear of my life, now…LOL)

Cold and White

Dandruff on the earths head

*
Falling thick as mud

*
Biting chills and shivers

*
Blankets wrapping 'round

*
Hot cocoa sipping down

*
Lazy in the cold

*
Memories of winters

*
old; I smile around

*
Noticing my children

*
Staring at the ground

Yes-and-No Actually I hung out with a prep, a nerd, a couple of geeks, some jocks (sp?), and a bunch of dorks just like me

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

I mean does that look gay to you? .........................LOL!

Attacks on Squarepants!

Okay, I have had it!

I LOVE Spongebob Squarepants and so do my children. Can people just let cartoons be cartoons? Isn't it the job of the parents to screen the shows that our children watch anyway? So what's the fucking problem?!

If they are going to imply that Spongebob is gay then does that mean that Bugs Bunny was a transvestite?

What about the smurfs? I mean, come on, Vanity had to be gay. And Smurfet, did she promote unwedmothers? Where the Hell did those kids and that baby come from?

And the care bears, man...I think everyone is a little more gay after watching them.

Spongebob is not gay...he's more like the retarded boy that the whole town has to watch out for. He's just a cute little retarded boy! Just leave him a lone....why does it always have to be something?

Don't drink and go to a theme park...This was taken about 4 years ago. That's Smokey Smurf doing the chicken right there and don't ask me what kind of face I'm making because I had about three frozen drink while there...still had it in my hand even. Ah, good times, good times... 

See...spoiled, I tell ya! 

Yes my skink, Rhodugune, is spoiled.  

It Smells Like Rain Today

Mmmm...I love the rain!
Yet, it's just cold enough to make it not quite as enjoyable. I've had the windows cracked for an hour but, it's 37* outside and my piggies are already getting cold.

I talked on the phone with a friend yesterday. We did our usuall thing and bitched about things going on right now. LOL...It must be a woman thing. And we got on the subject of family. She said her younger brother's girlfriend is pregnant. So I asked if it was a good thing b/c the tone she used didn't sound as if she was happy.

"All we can do is just be supportive at this point."--my friend said

Turns out that he's a recovering addict and is in rehab for alcoholism right now as we speak. I do feel for her. I suppose I should feel for her brother too but, I don't.

Yeah, I'm a bitch.

I have a brother who is an addict/alcoholic/Satanist and is proud of it. He's not allowed to be around my kids much...And I don't go visit him. I don't want to have to explain to my children why "Uncle Crack-Head" is slurring his speech or hitting on their Aunt Smokey Smurf (Yes, we know it's disgusting but, that's what happens when he drinks).

So my friend and I were comparing notes. I know that most people believe alcoholism is a disease but, it's not. It's an addiction. No one forces you to take that first drink...peer-pressure is BS. I had peer-pressure and a lot of it but, I did what I wanted to do whether it be what my friends thought was or wasn't cool.
They don't consider heroine addictions a disease...Even though that one is much harder to break and more devastating. An addict is an addict is an addict. I have seen way to many of them working in hospitals. It's all the same. There are just different degrees of devastation. They waste away their lives in order to feed their addiction and it's the only thing that matters to them.
It can even screw up their minds...I know my brother's is. I know I kinda joke about it but, I swear Crack-Head is possessed! Or at least he has a split personality and it is Satan. His eyes change and he is just different...As in that "not my brother" different. It makes the hair on the back of you neck stand up. I used to stop by his place before I had my kids. It was so uncomfortable to be there. He kept all of his Satanist/BS every where. Crack-Head even had a couple of small alters about the place for when he had to bleed himself for some kind of spell. Man, you just DO NOT FUCK AROUND WITH THAT SHIT! So when I say he's possessed I mean it and I am not the only one in my family who feels this way.

You see a disease is something you don't have much control over and it may or may not have a cure. It's something that starts inside and moves out as it spreads it's disease.

An addiction is something that you do have control over in the beginning. You don't have to take the first drink, first hit, or bump...Or whatever. You don't have to take the 2nd or 30th or 100th time either. There is still some control you have over it but, let's face it by that point you just don't want to, don't care, or feel as if you have no control. Because any addiction leads to depression which numbs your will-power. An addiction starts on the outside and inside. The drugs or alcohol have to be ingested but, something isn't right on the inside for you to be wanting or trying them in the first place. But there is always a cure for this--be it hard or not, there is a cure.

I used to be a pot head and I drank and I still have a drink every now and then...Like a few times a year. But, I know I have addictive tendencies and that is why I choose not to do certain things. Pot wasn't really hard to give up; it was just a question of priorities and morals. I've never had to give up drinking b/c I have known too many drunks even as a teenager and I swore to never allow myself to become a drunk. EVER! That is why I only drink a few times a year or on occasion I have a wine cooler before bed.

It tastes good and it's legal...So beware!

Okay, so that's my rant. It is just my opinion but, it's a damn good one, LOL.

What I just do not understand is why people, like my brother, think that others will only like them if they're drunk?
Excuse me but, no one likes you when you ARE drunk either!

Have fun studying with me!

-Bear Fat-

*water repellant for leather skins
*used to cook with (ain't got nothing on pam)
*misquito repellant
*hair gel



-Dear Brains-

*were used to soften the skins for wearing




-5 things that helped make for an integrated society-

1) hunting, fishing (food suply and demonstrates skill and bravery)
2) gathering (using the natural resources: acorns, roots, herbs, honey, salt, berries...)
3) agriculture (they believed in communal land that was share w/in their tribe, public storage house for grains and foods, planted: tobacco, melons, and the 3 sisters)
4) trade (barter: if you respected their ways and customes then you were treated well; among their own peoples there were some who held their own class/positions as a "profesional baterer")
5) plunder...uhm, I'm pretty sure I know what this means but, we will have to pick up with it on Thursday


The Dark Side Of The Anasazi


Ohhh....I'm really really liking this class!

Interesting....

-3 ways that native americans would kill a buffalo with out (before they had) guns-

1) disguise: wearing an animal skin (wolf, buffalo, bear) they would creep as close to the buffalo as possible and the shoot it with an arrow or spear

2) stampede: surround a group of buffalo and cause them to stampede off of a cliff

3) fire: buffalos are fearful of fire (like most animals) and the native americans would make a ring of fire around a buffalo and then they were free to attack it from outside the ring with arrows and spears, maybe even rocks

Did anyone ever have a doubt?!

Incubus


Which Demon Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blinded by The Moon

Scratching, biting, clawing

Though the blanket that is the night

Screaming, fighting, gnawing

In the absence of solar light

*

*

*

I am afraid of the darkness

I am weary of the night

I dare not dwell in darkness

I pray for retrieval of my sight

*

*

*

Blank, alone, and longing

In the darkness of the night

No vision of this evil thing

Sleep is waiting for the light

*

*

*

My hope is holding to me

Yet escapes me in my fright

For my age I know it's silly

To fear the darkening bite

*

*

*

Yet I do not have a say

Over my phobias during the night

How can we try to pray

In the bleakness that lacks all light

*

*

*

So grabbing up the cover

I tuck myself in tight

Holding onto my lover

May we sleep through the black of the night

I love these emails

THE TWELVE FACTS OF LIFE
12. Life is sexually transmitted.

11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die....

10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich...

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

8. Some people are like Slinkies . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs....

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in hospitals dying of nothing...

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism...

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first...

1. Never take life seriously.....nobody gets out alive anyway.

What's your vote?

Turtle-neck or Mushroom head?

FUN WITH SWABS

Guess what I did in my Micro-Biology class?

We got sent out with three dishes and three swabs. Our mission was to swab three people/places/things...Our preference.

My partner wanted to go into the bathroom. That sounded like a great idea but, I didn't want to get the same results. I decided I would go into uncharted territory. I ventured into the "MEN'S BATHROOM."

Gloved and armed with my swabs I charged in.

Knock knock!

"Hello!" Okay, so I didn't charge into the bathroom. I did however go into the grossest stall and swabbed it. Let me just say, you men are NASTY!

Would it kill you to pick up your used toilet paper and put it in the trash?

Ugh!

So, after I ran from the bathroom, I swabbed the mouth piece of the drinking fountain. (also very gross...I'm not drinking from one of them again unless I'm near dehydration)

Then I decided to just swab the bottom of my shoe. It's been about a year and a half since I've given them a GOOD cleaning. They were my old work shoes. And my last job was as a nurses aid at a rehab hospital. MARSA runs rampant around those places and I'm sure there is probably still some residue of something really nasty. I used to wipe them down with Microbial-disinfecting wipes when I left work. But...

We'll see what my swabs grow in a week!

Good stuff, Maynard.

a couple of questions for you

Can anyone tell me why some people spend their whole life trying to be the biggest bitch, EVER?

Case in point:

I have two sisters. Smokey Smurf who is two years younger than me and (Fuck-it...her name is Maria, I don't even care to conseal her identity) my older sister who is 14 years older than I am.
Now Smokey and I have the same Dad (even though Maria was raised by 'our' dad) and we went through the same shit together. Even though we rivalled WWF when we were growing up, we're now tight, very close (but not THAT close you sick twisted bastards...LOL).

Saturday I went down to Norman to do my cleaning and I was asked to give my Grandma a bath. So since I was already in Norman I said sure. It was for my Grandma, after all and I did say I'd help out. But-and I mean but-I let them know in no uncertain terms that I couldn't do it every Saturday. I have way too much on my plate already.

Mom assured me that they understood.

So, I stop by and was told that the home health aid had given her a bath the night before.

Okay...(bye?)

Oh no, it couldn't have stopped there right? My mom had changed all of the plans. Now instead of giving her a shower I am going to help them transport her to a beauty shop for a perm. (Which I was going to do but, we had planned it for some time next week during the week and in the morning...STICK WITH THE FUCKING PLAN)

I said, "Okay...how are we going to do it? I can't get her into your vehicle or mine. Also, mom, I can't be here all day. I still have several things to do."

Well, she had talked to Smokey Smurf and she was supposed to come over (some time) and help. That's great. Uhm, now why wasn't I called and told of the change of plans again?
The thing of it is...Smokey Smurf works nights, Mon-Fri. So she had worked the night before and needed some sleep Saturday morning. I totally understand. I worked nights.

So, mom drags me back to her room so she can smoke. (WHICH SHE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AFTER HAVING A STINT PUT IN HER HEART! But, whatever! I don't care. I've come to terms that she is going to die--SOON--and apparently that's what she wants. Fine, her and Crack-head need to run off and have a suicide pact type thing. That way we'll get both of the biggest drama majors gone at once.) I sit and listen to her go on about her being nervous and bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla....(yeah, we're all long winded). We were being quiet.

You see my older sister's room is across from my mother's and I know she works nights. Yeah, and I'm a curtious bitch-there for I made it a point to keep my voice low. But, here is yet another thing, her and my mother are fighting. Yup, hard to believe isn't it. (We've all lived with my mother at least once in our adult lives...we know how it is...she knew this going into it)

So as I'm sitting there listening to my mother go on and on and on and on and on (she was also keeping her voice down)...my older sister pops in looking hagid and tells us,

"Could you please keep it down, THANK YOU."

Then she leaves and goes back to her room for probably a couple of hits so she can go to sleep. I'm past it, I past that stage a long time ago...Mostly b/c I didn't/don't want to loose my kids. How can you be 40 years old and still be a pot head?
More over, how can you be a pot head and be so up-fucking-tight all the damn time?

I don 't know. Don't care. I just laughed and then left. What she wanted or meant to accomplish by getting onto us or whatever, I don't know. It's just really pathetic. Her life really sucks right now and she wants it too. You see she is one of those people who wants to be a martyr (sp?).

I wonder if it chaps her hide that I don't give a shit anymore?

If you're going to be a martyr, be a respectible one!

LOL

You can talk the talk but, can you walk the walk?


Anyone else know anybody like that?

My Weekend...Nothing spectacular, yet--it was

I finally got to see it. RUN DOWN I think is the name of it. Does it really matter? Come on, it’s got The Rock in it! Names don’t matter when you get to stare at the lovely manliness of The Rock! Damn, him and Triple H are why I watch “wrestling.”

Dwayne, Dwayne, Dwayne…why’d you get married? I was waiting for you! But, if you and The Rogue Wit want to fight over me…that’d be okay too (or who has to even fight…ya’ll could definitely share me! Oh yeah, baby!). *cough*

So—the movie WAS very good. Rogue Wit even enjoyed it. It was so very funny but, I wish The Rock hadn’t got his ass kicked by those monkeys (although, I nearly wet myself it was so hysterical). If any of you haven’t seen it, you definitely need to check it out.

Anyway, I didn’t do much this weekend. Well, that’s not completely true. I did a lot and got did a lot; the house is even nice and shiny from the dual cleaning effort. So, I can sit and sip my coffee this morning and do the little everyday chores that must be done.

I had planned on getting up before the butt-crack of dawn (to head to the gym) but, as I am out of sleeping pills…I was awake on and off ALL last night. I hate staring at the ceiling for nearly an hour. Oh, well…I see the doc tomorrow and I’m going to be sure and tell him about it. You can guarantee it!

I did get the back study “kilzed” so that this weekend we can do the base coat of Jupiter Orange and then do the cloth-sponge finish in Burning Orange. I LOVE ORANGE! Everything is going to be in my colors! Sage green and soft oranges, I believe it’s going to be very rich and warm. Yes, I know I’m crazy. I took psychology (made “A’s” in all of them—high school and college) and I know what that’s supposed to say about a person. I think it’s hog-wash though. LOL, because I am not now, nor have I ever been completely crazy…just slightly.
We’ve also mapped out the desk that Rogue Wit and his Dad are going to build in there. It’s going to cover two walls and meet in the corner, with stair-step shelves that go down into the corner and three floating shelves IN the corner. I know it’s hard to envision but, it’s actually going to be really beautiful. It will be a WONDERFUL feature when we decide to sell this house and build our own (in about 10 years).
Building it is going to be cheaper and better. His Dad is an awesome carpenter and came up last night to take some measurements. It’s going to have to be done in a couple of stages. As long as I have an actual desk to use when I start the actual nursing program in the Fall (fingers crossed). The desk has got to be able to house both of our computers, Rogue Wit’s swords, my Bur-Bur Skink, my class books, the two printers, and all of that other crap that the Rogue Wit has acquired over the years. We also want it to look nice. Not only that but, it has to be affordable. Thank God, we’ll be getting our taxes done in a few weeks and we’re poor w/kids so we should get a good size back. After we pay off the AC unit and get a new fridge (before ours dies) then we’re using the rest of it to finish that room! LOL, that’s the plan anyway. We’ll see, we’ll see…You gotta have a plan, right?

-nothing exciting happening this weekend-

I've not had much time to do much this weekend. Don't really have a lot of time to write, so I'm posting some pics. I'll try to be more exciting tomorrow.

My two kids with all of their cousins. Damn and just think, neither Smokey Smurf nor Crack-head have have spawned any of their own children yet. (I'm not counting crack-head's step-kids until we know if this is a semi-permanent thing.)  

My best friend Jeremy and Smokey Smurf...taken about 3 years ago. I'll have to get a newer pic of him when he comes through Oklahoma next. 

My baby girl at 6 months and me...yeah it's fuzzy, I know...I had accidently put the disposible camera in the freezer when unpacking the groceries. I love this picture... 

It's so true! 

It's from a couple of years ago but, we haven't taken any "Valentine" pictures since...Isn't she beautiful!? 

Happy Birthday! (I think)

Uhm...I believe this is my Step-Brother's birthday, today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

J!

Knock 3 time...on the ceiling if you want me...

During my teenage years my house was a hang out for MANY. I had about five or six close friends who were always over at one time or another. The two that were over most often though were my best friend Jeremy and my best friend Tracy.

Now Tracy and I had our fare share of crazy antics but, this story will be about Jeremy and my little sister Smokey Smurf.

BACKGROUND:
Our house was as close to being white trash/borderline ghetto as you could get in our small town. We had three bed rooms, a small bathroom, a descent sized kitchen, a living room, and a dinning room that were opened into each other. I’m going to spare you the details of “how” the rooms looked. Just know that they were the victims of home improvement. Yes, I did say victims.
We also had a couch that was older than dirt and rather than our parents spending $50 on one from good will they spent closer to $100 on an ugly-ass polyester couch cover.

YES, it was embarrassing.

The thing about it was that so many people who came over didn’t care. There was little supervision around and we could come and go as we pleased. It was every teen’s heaven (unless you had to live there). My mom always kept the kitchen well stocked with junk food and a whole lot of other crap that wasn’t part of the major food groups.

Now, my friend, Jeremy, came over when he wanted to and left when he felt like it as well. I remember many a time when “we” would be gone and then come home to find him sitting on our couch eating something.

“I was wondering when you’d be back?”

No one thought anything about it. He was just like having another brother. Only one who you could have fun with and call at 4 AM knowing that he’d answer the phone and talk with you until we both had to get up and go to school. And he was the only boy who my parents let us have in our rooms behind closed doors. (Probably because we spent so much time dressing him up like a girl…or having him do my hair and burn me on the leg with my curling iron because I wasn’t cooperating.)


THE STORY:
Well, we were sitting in the living room watching the Exorcist for the 300th time one night. Smokey Smurf had been wandering around the neighbor hood and my Dad was pissed. After “the lecture” she stormed into her room. Her room’s door was right behind the front door in the living room. [It also opened up into my room but, you had to use a giant pair of scissors to turn the “knob” (well, where the knob used to be)…remember I said borderline ghetto]
At any rate, she didn’t mind that fact because when our brother moved out and up to Norman she was just happy to have her own room (ME TOO!). And she could just secure the chain latch if she didn’t want to be bothered.

And she didn’t want to be bothered that night.

Jeremy was kinda like the “mediator” in a since and was “going to go talk some since into her” or some other crap. Hell, it’s been too long.

I tell him, being the wise older sister that I have always been [:)], tell him…to leave her alone and let her sulk it out of her system. It had hurt her pride to get in trouble in front of company—even if it was only Jeremy.

Do you think he listened? NOPE! As a matter of fact, I hurt his manhood by my implying he couldn’t make things better and he stormed across the room to gain entry to Smokey’s room.

Would he knock? No.

He merely threw his arm in front of him to open the door and kept going.
The thing of the matter is…she had the chain lock in place.

So when he threw his arm in front of him and kept going, the door didn’t. As a matter of fact, it rebounded right into his nose. HARD! So hard in fact, that he flopped on his butt and I had to get up and make sure he wasn’t bleeding.

Now, I know it’s not what he intended but, he did accomplish what he set out to do, only in a different manner. As Smokey was set on staying in her room and sulking, the “door fiasco” had gotten her attention. As in, she (and I) was laughing so hard at what had happened that she decided to placate him and join us for some horror flicks. I mean, after all, he cared enough about us that he nearly broke his nose to try and make things better.

Hell, even my mom was laughing so hard that she had to leave the room.

...And "we three dorks," watched horror flicks the rest of the evening; Smokey and I took turns at getting Jeremy more ice for his nose; and we reminded him for weeks and weeks afterwards when he came over…on the importance of knocking on a girls door.

Even then, every time he knocked on her door…our hysterical laughter erupted into incoherent cackling…But he DID knock, on her door at least.

Chocolate!

And not just any chocolate!

Sorry Kimberly, how could I forget to mention the chocolate once more.

Every girl LOVES chocolate!

My favorite is milk-chocolate or white chocolate!

DAMN...and if you add caramel it's THE BOMB!

(have some more chocolate, girl...the links in the title)

101.7*

GOD I'M SICK!

I've got whatever my kids have and I think I'm going to crawl into a hole and hide from everybody.

Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery.

One More Time (before Valentine's Day)

I posted this before (TWICE) but I feel the need to share it once again. Valentine's day IS getting closer, am I right (just nod yes, men)?!

Rose Colors Decoded
(taken from a local paper)


red- Love, desire, courage, good job

dark red- Unconscious beauty

pink-Perfect happiness, admiration

dark pink- Appreciation, gratitude

light pink- Admiration, sympathy; grace joy

yellow- Joy, Friendship, delight, gladness

coral/orange- Desire, enthusiasm

black- Death

lavender- Love at first sight, enchantment

peach- Let's get together, closing of the deal

white- Purity, innocence, secrecy, silence

pink and white- I will always love you

red and yellow- Passionate thoughts

white and red- Unity


Many of you (and when I say you...I am speaking towards the men, ladies don't need to be told this) are asking yourself,...

"Great, so how does that help me pick the right colors?"

I'm going to tell you. There are some in which you won't want to get your lady.


Peach- Let's get together, closing of the deal --this is not very appropriate as women don't want flowers for "the closing of the deal" if you know what I mean...And getting together to us should still involve love and passion...Those types of things.
So, NO peach!

Black- Death --even if someone dies....NEVER send a girl/woman black flowers! (Unless you're dating a Goth chick and then by all means send them, just don't forget to get her those custom fangs she's been wanting for so long.)

Yellow- Joy, Friendship, delight, gladness --We DO NOT want to be remembered or thought of in terms of friends on Valentine's Day. Even if that's all we are...You could be more creative and send, oh, say...Any shade of pink or even white.

Note: Anything that says something about secrecy, sympathy, or silence should also be accompanied by a card so that your lady will KNOW FOR SURE why you are sending her that particular rose color. You see we know that they mean more than one thing and we want to make sure of which one you are referring too.

Just remember: KISS

K-keep

I-it

S-simple

S-stupid

Your simple, basic reds or lavender are sure to win your ladie's heart (unless she doesn't like roses and then it's just hopeless, K).

You think he learned his lesson?

This Smells Odd

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

(the title of this post takes you to more funny stories...damn just when you think people can't get any dumber...)

That's a Baby-Blanket Sub!

She Was Brave (7th Part)

Not a good sign. Don’s car wasn’t in the drive way or the garage. Traci was desperately trying not to panic. Would he have run off with the kids? It seemed highly unlikely. Something was wrong though…she could feel it. Almost touch it.

Who knows, maybe he had taken the kids to his mother’s house to try and scare her. That was just as unlikely as the first thought. Don was, if nothing else, a creature of habit and he didn’t like other people breaking his routine. Fighting had become fairly routine for them and it wasn’t like him to run off to avoid one.

The door was locked and all of the lights were out. So they hadn’t been home yet or one of the kids would have left their room lights on. Maybe he had gone to his Mother’s house. Well, at least she knew that the kids would get a decent meal over there. Traci had an average relationship with her In-laws. As in, the grandchildren were their world, their son could do no wrong, and they made polite conversation with her. Still, it was more of a family than she had ever known.

Traci hung up her coat and keys then strolled up the stairs to her bedroom. A shower…or better yet, a hot bath! That’s what she needed. A nice, long, hot bath. God, what she wouldn’t do to be able to have the opportunity more often!

She glanced at the phone and thought about checking the voice mail but, decided that whatever Don had to say could be heard after her bath. There was a feeling of drastic change that she couldn’t shake. The thought of a bath gave her hope that she could rinse away that feeling…that foreboding ache. With that thought, Traci headed towards the bathroom. They did after all have a huge tub. Why didn’t she use it more often? God only knows she has enough bathe-salt to start her own store.

The water felt so good. Traci sat there letting the conditioning treatment set in her hair and thinking. Yes, this was the end. There would be no more them…no more Don. No more excuses and silly explanations to the children about why their father couldn’t (more over wouldn’t) make it to their important events. It would be sad for her babies but, together they would work through it. Her babies were strong and smart. They deserved better too.

Time had passed so quickly that Traci hadn’t even notice her bath had gone cold. Toweling off and throwing on some PJ’s she stole up her strength and picked up the phone.





The sun had only been down for a few hours now but, Devyn had been up far longer. He’d felt it again. That strange ache and loneliness and something else. It was so strong that he dressed and headed out in the daylight.

Lore had it that a vampire could not go out in the sun without meeting their deaths. This was not so and yet it is. During the day they are like mortals and are depleted of their strength. The young ones can indeed meet their deaths in the suns rays for they have no strength to spare. It is only the older and more powerful of their kind whom can walk in the light. Not such a gift though as they were comparably likened to an old man! Though given his powers and abilities Devyn was pretty sure he was more comparable to a thirty to forty year old. Not so many vampires could boast as much.

The feeling was strong and yet with the day light beating down on him he was not able to home in on it. Frustrated, Devyn wandered about the city HOPING that he might happen upon the source. Yet, the sun was now set and he was still wandering. And wondering. What the Hell was wrong with him? He was chasing a feeling?! Though, what else did he have to do? Century after century and well, it had to be boredom. And loneliness? To Hell with that, he wasn’t lonely! Devyn needed no one. He was simply making sure that this, this…feeling wasn’t a trap of some sort. Then when he was sure that everything was right or after taking care of the problem, which ever the case may be, he would leave.

For now Devyn needed to restore some of his strength. The sun had definitely taken its toll on him. Yes, and he wouldn’t have enough strength to continue his search if he didn’t “refill” so to speak.

With that Devyn dropped down in front of what appeared to be a very active club. Very nice. He would be able to have his fill and be in and out faster than a drive-through. Or maybe he would find him a couple of sexy young ones to play with for the night. Ah, so much depended on his moods lately…but, if the mood struck him…well, no one had refused yet, or was able to refuse was more to the point.

RUNNING AWAY!

That is IT!

I just can't take all of this shit anymore! It's rant time!

Here's what I do during the week:

I do the budget/finances
I do the shopping
I do the freakin' laundry
I have been doing the damn dishes!
I cook lunch
I cook dinner or order it (at anyrate I'm the one who thinks about it and has to "come up with something")
I'm trying (and failing miserably) to potty train my son
I make all of the calls
I make all the appointments
I have to do homework and online classes during the day
I have night classes Monday-Thursday
I clean one Friday a Month one place
I clean every weekend at another
I vacum (sp?)
I wipe down the counters
I find things out
I mop
I sweep
I MAKE time (that I don't have) for my kids and husband
I do the daily cleaning and night time pick up
I even do the mowing

And you know what?

I was not supposed to be doing all of this.
Say for instance...the dishes that I did AGAIN today. Not my job!
With the exception of the last couple of nights...I've taken out the trash.
Also not my job!
I REALLY FREAKIN' WANT TO GO TO CHURCH, again...and yet I'm exauhsted by Sunday and hate going ALONE.
I just want a few things done...I really don't freakin' ask much!

JUST:

-Do the dishes at night (if they're done everday then I am not pulling out my hair b/c I can't see the sink and I need one of the dishes and I'd be more apt to help on a daily basis)
-Take out the trash before it is over flowing and without my having to nag your ass 30 times
-clear the table after dinner unless you are going to do the mopping from now on
-pick up the house before I come home from class so I can rest a few minutes and enjoy it rather than you SITTING there telling me to rest for a minute b/c I CAN'T rest with this hell hole all around me!
-Tell me I look pretty when I actually wear make-up and do my hair (I know I'm hot but, damn it I want to make sure you know it too)
-Once in a while call home and say, "Hey, I've thought we'd do -such and such- for dinner b/c I know you've had a bad day." or "I called -so and so- and they'll be delivering dinner in about 3o minutes." It makes me feel as if you care!
-Do something that you NOTICE needs doing! (why should I have to ask and remind and nag you when I know it's not going to do a damn good b/c you'll wait till last minute hoping I'll help you before we go to bed or you'll just say "I'll do it tomorrow" and then it's a week before I finally have a nervous break down and do it myself!)



DAMN IT!


Today....has just sucked major ASS!

The kids don't feel good, I don't feel good, I have class later, I've had to do two assignments today and get them turned in, I have to stop by the store after class, and I'll probably have to come home...make my daughters bed, get them night clothes, dress them, give my son his medicine and maybe my daugher, pick up the living room, try to do some reading for my classes, motivate myself to take a shower, and try to get some sleep so I can get up and go to the damn gymn!

#@@$(*#$_#$*^@)(_+@)#^%^#&!!!

I have to share this email...Thanks Christy!

16 THINGS THAT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN



1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."


3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."


4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.


5. You should not confuse your career with your life.


6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.


7. Never lick a steak knife.


8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.


9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.


10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.


12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.


13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)


14. Your friends love you anyway.


15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.



FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them

...goose-bumps

Exactly...
How does one screw with That!?!!!


Doesn't do a DAMN thing for me...but, make me cringe!

HEART TO HEART

So if you put the phrases on the Valentine's Day candy hearts...

What would they say?

Take a GOOD guess!

What are the three sisters?


You have to check out the comments for a hint.

My very best friend in the world!

I'm known this guy since pre-school. Through most of highschool we were inseperable! I still keep in touch with him and I miss him alot. God we were so stupid! Good times though.
He's the one at the very bottom of the link in the title: Jeremy Duvall



Here's to you, Duvall!

I miss you bunches man! And it looks as if I might be putting my daughter into this dance place if the fees aren't too much.


Dude, if you're reading this...email me and let me know when you're stopping through here. I'll make some of my famous "chicken fried steaks"...come on now, you know you miss em'. MY TREAT!


....I'm glad you're living your dream and I hope that life always treats you well.

So, here's to my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WHIDE WORLD!

Hey Smokey Smurf...I need you to come help me doctor Dez again. The inside of his ear is swollen BIG TIME and he won't let me do more than clean it. I wish he'd stop playing "young tom cat" ...he's just to damn old! 

Dare You To Move By Switchfoot

Welcome to the planet

Welcome to existence

Everyone's here

Everyone's here

Everybody's watching you now

Everybody waits for you now

What happens next?

What happens next?

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout

Welcome to resistance

The tension is here

The tension is here

Between who you are and who you could be

Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Where you gonna go?

Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

I dare you to lift yourself

Lift yourself up off the floor

I dare you to move

I dare you to move

Like today never happened

Today never happened

Today never happened

Today never happened before

Oh, GOD...I LOVE that song!

Think about it

Have you ever noticed how much taking a shit is like having sex?

Think about it.

It can be quick and to the point...
Or long and drawn out...
Hard and fast...
Some times it can even be painful...
Other times it's a great release...
The mood can strike you at a moments notice...
And some times it doesn't happen without the help of medications.

Hmmm...

This is what I've done all day...it's a diaper cake for my Step-Sister. She's due in a few months and her shower is coming up... 

Yes, I am the BITCH!

This guy I had a major cruch on in the 9th grade in my youth chior called me Courtney Love. I freakin' loved it....he kept telling me all I needed was to quit washing my hair, dress dirty and get some "whore red" lipstick.

(If I thought that would've made him go out with me as something other than a friend then I would have seriously thought about it)

LOL

LOL

I swear this just happened!

We've been discussing the remodling of our "study" all this morning.
AH-hem...more like arguing but, we came to a middle ground. (I'm not saying that I was right, but.....)

So...
I had to do some running around and brought lunch home (yeah, I know...kinda late). Well, we're eating and talking about the kids and laughing at some of the things that they were doing. The subject of the repairs and fixings of the study had not been mentioned since I had been home.

When my husband puts his hand on my shoulder, looks at me, and says...

"Cock"

My eyes raise up and laughter starts bubbling over until I can't contain it. I'm thinking, right now...here? But what about the kids...I can't afford therapy. He then clarifies because he realises that I have a dirty mind and didn't understand what the HELL he was talking about. Though I thought for sure it was about cock. ...which is what he said!

He then explains that he was saying that we needed it {Hell yeah, I do...I'm a red-blooded healthy woman but, uh...he's already got one...?}.

"I'm talking about caulk to seal the edges of the 2 by 4's at the base of the new wall!"

Oops!

I then explain that he can't just grab my arm and say "cock." I guess men and women do think along different wave lengths. It had been hours since we'd talked about fixing the study....Hell, I have seen caulk before (I've seen cock before too....LOL) but, just the one word....I mean, FUCKIN' clarify, man!


Damn, I'm still laughing about it!

This is my confession...(you can hear the music right?)

Yeah, I'll admit it...I listened to:




Debbie Gibson!


Okay, now I feel better...I'm going to go hide in shame now...

“Take Five 4 Grooming”

Does anyone find themselves driving down the highway with the song “Take It To The Limit” (I think that’s the name of the song) singing it to the top of your lungs?

Yeah, I didn’t think I was the only one…

So I’m sitting at the stop light (still singing as loud and as on key as I am able to anymore) and I look over and see this bright shiny Mustang full of 16 and 17 year old girls (every man's wet dream...but I have not a penis and wasn't impressed). They are giving me "the look.”

Now for those of you who don’t know what “the look” is, I’ll explain:
It’s the “Oh My God, you are such a dork! And Old! I can’t believe you would be caught singing in a car! Don’t you know that’s not conforming with the cool crowd?” look.

So I pretended that I had magic powers. (You know you do it sometimes too…don’t lie) And I used my middle finger to turn them all into old hags.

Kablam!

I think they knew what I was up too and had the counter spell though. Because they got rather pissed off and ran the red light.

I laughed. Hard.

I was that age once…not too long ago, as a matter of fact, and I hated those kinds of bitches back then too. (I am only 26! ...Stupid bitches, LOL)

I know the road that they are wandering down. They’ll end up fat and pregnant and stuck with some pretty-boy/pot smoker or worse! That’s not cool…though sometimes it’s funny as shit. True, I have made mistakes and will continue to fuck up…I’m sure of it but, I have and will always be myself…for better of worse. Even if that means singing to the top of my lungs at a stop-light and not giving a shit if I look silly.

Well, it’s too bad my “bitch magic” doesn’t work. Damn. What would The Rock do?

(Bitch-slap their candy-asses…that’s what. But I didn’t want to get a ticket…not that I have road rage, mind you. I think the “old” judge would probably excuse me from the ticket after meeting the little anorexic-Barbie-bitches.)


Now, when I finally got to the nail shop (they do hair and massages too)…it wasn’t hard to find but, I didn’t realize that the only parking spots within a five block radius were meter parking. Great! I don’t have any freakin’ change but some pennies. I mean, for the love of God, this is Oklahoma…we do NOT need parking meters! So I have to find a store...also in which could be reached without having to use the parking meters…and get some change. Then I have to hop back in my car and go around a few more blocks to get back to this place which is on a one way street. (Sigh) At least I was able to find a spot where I didn’t have to park parallel. I’M A WOMAN AND I HAVE NO BUSINESS EVEN TRYING…because I AM woman enough to admit: I HAVE LIMITATIONS.


It was completely awesome though. I have the best looking nails this side of The River I betcha! I highly recommend this place to anyone who is near Norman, Oklahoma. It’s called “Take Five 4 Grooming.”

Just remember to bring change. You get a token after your appointment and it comes in handy for your next visit but not before the fact.

God, I love that song…does anyone know who it’s by?
…incase I want to look up the words so the next time that it comes on the radio, I’ll be able to sing more than just the chorus correctly, hehehe….

AHhhh....

I'm off to jump in the shower. Where I am going to let the water run down my back teasing my buttocks then down my front. Sliding off of every curve, in every crevice until every part of my body is glistening!

Okay well, Cedia had done some really juicy stuff...I felt left out, man.


I AM going to hop in the shower and scrub until my inner thighs squeak! Because I will be getting some much needed pampering down today. At 11am I am going to have my nails done! I haven't done that since I got married! (Thank you Grams)

Got a need a beauty treatment--Lots of them! LOL

Damn it's been so long since I've gotten the chance to be girly in a womanly way. I get to do my daughter's hair and smear lip gloss from ear to ear with her.

"Now go give you Daddy a big KISS!" Trust me Rogue Wit loves it!

...I'm off to make myself more beautiful than I was before! If that's possible? I mean...I am the shiz-nit!


Don't make me tell the "diamond earrings story!" They sparkle real pretty in the light!

*smiles*

Dasodaha

Dasodaha: (apache) He only sits there

A very fitting name for my frog who does just that...sits there.

What is your Vampire name?

Seeing as this is a "Vampire Site" from time to time...I thought that this was very fitting to share with all of my faithful readers!

Let me know what name it gave you?

That, my fair readers, is a Pac-Man frog! MY Pac-Man Frog! Got him for $9! Do you know they have fangs? Yup, I'll be able to pull his lip back when he gets older and show off his vampire teeth. Right now though, I need to figure out a name for her/him. Any suggestions? 

She Was Brave (6th Part)

Pulling into the parking, Traci wondered what she was doing. She should be going home and…and doing what? Fighting with Don, was what. She could do that later and besides, Dena and Antwan kept telling her she needed to check out this new club. Hindered, who was coming up with these names?

Well, she was here. It was all she could do to make herself get out of the car and the walk to the entrance was laced with apprehension. What is Don going to think when I come home smelling like alcohol?

That was it! It was time she stopped thinking about Don. He sure as HELL wasn’t thinking about her or her kids. So what if she wanted to have a couple of drinks before she came home and had the biggest fight next to WWII? She was an adult. He had come home smelling like more than just alcohol before. Which is why she was having her doubts about his loyalty and commitment in the first place! Besides, it wasn’t as if she was there picking some guy up. She didn’t think like that. Traci wondered if Don thought like that or not? Damn it!

Okay, that is the last time she would allow herself to think about him until she went home. There was still a good forty-five minutes before she would normally head home. Once there, Traci was certain, she would have her fill of Don…perhaps more than her fill.

__________________________________________________


The club wasn’t too crowded, though most of the partiers wouldn’t show up until at least ten or so. Antwan and Dena were right. This place was nice, very nice. There was a dance hall but, it was at the opposite end of the club. The front of it was more or less a pretty classy bar. Very sophisticated. The lighting was just dim enough and there wasn’t the smoky haze that is usually present in most bars. Then again, glancing around the room, it might be that none of the smokers have shown up yet. She couldn’t imagine that any bar or club would have a “no-smoking” policy. (That would not attract many customers.) It was very roomy as well. True, Traci hadn’t been to many bars…at all! but, those she’d seen were “Red-neck” at best.

In front of her stood a very young and very handsome bartender dressed to the nine’s…bow tie and all! He glanced at her a few times and patiently waited for her to settle herself. God, she felt so old! Twenty-five with two children tended to tack on the years. Boy, she did need a drink!
“So…what can I DO for you tonight?” He was flirting! It actually allowed her to relax a bit more. It was nice to be flirted with and pampered. No wonder her friends wanted her to have a night out so bad.

“Just a Long Island Tea, if you can make it not too strong.”

“I can do it anyway you like it, sweet!”

And with that he started flipping around bottles and causing a lot of commotion. Though, it was a spectacular display of manliness, even if she did say so herself. Traci had been so sheltered as far as the “fun” things in life. She was not naive as some might imply but, she was lost when it came to letting loose.

That wasn’t one of her priorities when she found a way to get through school and get out of the slum she grew up in. She was more concerned with making it in life than in “making it” with the skins who wandered the streets or the so called “In” crowd.

That was probably why she fell so hard for Don. They met when she was in college. It had seemed as if he had it all together even back in those days. He had wonderful credit and was very sensible with money. Don had helped her with her finances. He was a genius at budgeting and didn’t mind sharing his secrets with her. It was infatuation, pure and simple.

They had spent many a night studying together at the library and dreaming about their future together. Don talked about their buying a house and getting married. She would work up to a respectable position in her field and he would reach the top of his. They would never have to worry about money again! It all seemed so wonderful back then. Traci went along for the ride and took his advice from A to Z. There should have been red flags waving back then. Don was a little too together. Traci had been a little too eager to heed his advice, come to think of it. It had been Don’s dreams that they were living and yet it didn’t seem as if it was a “good” dream at this point.

It didn’t matter. Traci could not quit thinking about him…them. Avoiding things, was something she would just never be any good at. Fight or not she would finish her drink and go home. Part of her wanted everything to work out and for them to put all of this non-sense behind them. The other part was screaming that she deserved better and needed better. Part of her whispered to her at night of some one who would sweep her away and give her…what? What did she want anyway?

Love, devotion, compassion...attention, is that so much to ask?

Shout Out (...and not shout at, as has been my M O as of late)

I forgot to mention this.
I don't know how I could over-look such a thing.

When I came home last night from class and made my way through the front door...I almost didn't believe my eyes!

The living room was picked up!
My son was in his night clothes and my daughter was in the shower.

I hear him talking to her.

"Did you get everything clean? Don't forget to wash your butt and rinse off the soap."

Then upon entering the kitchen I hear a noise.
Not just any old noise but, the sound of a load of dishes being washed in the dish washer and an echo of the clothes washer and dryer running!

Ah, it was music! SWEET MUSIC!

So this is a shout out to my loving husband who DID care enough to think about me while I was gone.

LOVE YOU BABY!

(now if it would just happen like that all the time)

Yeti Baseball

You click once on the yeti to get the penguin to jump.
Then you click again to get the yeti to hit the penguin across the ice.
A friend of mine sent this to me in an email.
I made it past the 300 yards (I think it's yards) just once.
LOL...and I'm going to keep at it until I can do it one more time...LOL.

Native American (Indian) History Class

First off, GOD I am TIRED! ...But it's a GOOD tired.

Okay, so I get to class, right and first seat I came across was next to this old man. I figure, one seat is as good as another, right?

So I drag my "rollingbook-bag" (which weighs about 5 tons due to all the shit in it...JUST IN CASE!) and situate myself.
I wonder why only this old man is sitting at this row? Hmmm...

I start taking out all of my shit and getting "prepared," you know: class book, binder (which also has everything under the sun in it JUST IN CASE [it's that damn obsessive compulsive shit, I tell ya], and I start looking for my digital tape recorder before the professor starts the lecture.


MY PROFESSOR:

This man in probably in his early 60's (and I AM being nice) and has something wrong with his leg (or something). He walks with crutches because he said he 'refuses to use a walker.' Okay, even though a walker doesn't usually fall when you stop and try to pass out hand-outs AND there are those little "things" that hook in the front of a walker which allows you to carry shit without dropping all of it or something else...but HE doesn't want to "look" old. Okay...
well, it's kinda hard not too when you have WHITE hair. I can only describe it as something close to a bulls-eye. He did have hair all around his head...From ear to ear (about two inches in height)! Then there was nothing on the top except, what I swear was fashionshed just like a vanilla cone leaning slightly towards the right. The man reminded me of (okay, here I go trying to spell something I have no idea of how to spell) Orville Redenbacher...You know, the pop-corn guy...Yup, that's him.
Then there was a matter of his speech. He has a very noticeable lisp and tries very hard to cover it up. Plus, he speaks like he's Ben Stein from F. B.'s Day Off. LOL...What can I say...The man is hysterical.
This should prove rather interesting through-out the course...Seeing as it will be great to hear him try to pronounce all of these Indian words. Yes, I said Indian!

(Tangent Time)

First of all, I AM NOT prejudice...I hate EVERYONE including white people like myself.
Second, if you don't believe I'm not prejudice then you can speak with some of my X's: La Shawn, Tishomingo....(there are more but I won't bore you...And I'll let you figure out who was black and who was Indian [feather not dot])
Third, I dated my one X who was a Creek/Sioux for years. They don't appreciate either name we give them. Because Indians was given to them by Columbus because he was a very famous dumb-ass ("Oops this doesn't look like India but, what the hell...Let's call them Indians anyway!") And they aren't too fond of being called Native Americans either. Yeah, they were here first but, they didn't name this land "America" and they already had names for themselves as in different tribes and clans.
SO...What they prefer is for people to just be people and ask them about their tribe and not try to be so DAMN PC!
Honestly, do we call them Native Asians or Native Europeans? I think they would get pissy if we fucked up "what" they were or didn't give a shit "where" they were from....


Okay, better...


So, I'm unpacking my "shit" and the old guy next to me says,
"You've really got it together, don't you?"

I giggled and thought he was making fun of the fact that I have everything with me from: Anti-bacterial wipes to a mini-stapler and a hole punch to an umbrella and lab coat.

"Yeah," hehehe "I don't want to be without something in an emergency."

It was then I noticed he was looking me up and down as if I were some prime-grade-A-meat and he was starving. Then, the old perve winked at me. HE WINKED AT ME!
I know, I know...He's just an old man.

Yeah right.

I promptly flipped closed all of my crap and moved to the back of the room and sat next to this nice young black girl. Who, by the way, laughed her ass off at me as I sat next to her.

"Did he give you the eye too?"

I looked at her and we both laughed. Damned old pervert!

--Off To The Gymn--

...Damn it's freakin' early!

!Fashion Diva! 

Are you ready for a month from tomorrow?

Do you even know what that is? I KNOW that every female visiting this site is aware of that “special” date!

I thought I’d give the HEAD’S UP for the men out there. A month from tomorrow is: VALENTINE’S DAY!

(I can hear the gasps and the “so what’s”)

So what?

Well, you had better start thinking about it NOW man!

Here’s an idea: Why not take advantage of all the sales and specials going on right now with the “Valentine’s Day” stuff that can be seen at any store, right now? ...And not wait until the night before or (for most of you) the day of!

BRILLIANT!

That way, even if you forget next month, you can say…"Wait…."
And grab the (already wrapped, right? Right? Wrap that shit buddy!) present and give it to your dear lady…saying,...

“Would I forget something like that?” Huh-huh?! I promise, you’ll be rewarded far beyond your wildest dreams!



WARNING: Do not buy things that will perish between now and then!
SUCH AS:

1) Roses (real ones, silk ones don’t wilt dumb-ass but, she’ll like the real ones better)

2) a cat (bad idea if you’re planning on stuffing it in your closet for a month)

3) a dog (-see previous parenthesis-)

4) clothes or lingerie (if you get the wrong size…you are forever doomed and will NOT get laid [yeah, they won’t perish but, you will if you screw it up—just felt the need to warn you])

5) or any kind of candy that is subject to perishing.



IDEAS:

1) Diamonds (they ARE a girl’s best friend—no matter what she tells you and on a ring [such as engagement or promise type one] makes them even better)

2) a gift certificate for a professional massage (ya'll don't do it right or long enough...LOL, could be said about other things as well--for some of you)

3) her favorite chocolate (ask her now and WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN so she will be surprised when you get her the right kind on February 14th)

4) take her to a Bed & Breakfast (see you can [and had better] make reservations now)

5) a gift certificate for some kind of pampering such as a manicure or hair cut (note: do not specify on the card b/c if you should IMPLY anything [such as, you need a new hair style] you could be in the shit house)

6) GIANT fuzzy teddy-bears (we know how much they cost and we don’t want a “cute little tiny one” we want the HUGE ones so we know you care)

7) or [the best idea, if you’re married with or without kids even] send her off shopping with some money and CLEAN THE DAMN HOUSE while she’s gone…when she walks in she’ll be putty in your hands! I SWEAR it!

You have to LOVE that face! It's her "SAD" face, lol. 

That's my son, I don't know if you can tell but he's got a pair of my heels on....don't they just match that suit so well? He's got such a since of fashion! 

Is that the lead singer of Twisted Sister? 

rain in JANUARY

I dance to the sound of the pouring rain
And rejoice as the mists caress my face
And the smell of the rain somehow vanishes the pain
And my feet are ready once more for the race

Okay, seriously...I need a spice rack. Does anyone see my crushed pepper? Damn it! How am I supposed to cook a decent meal when it takes me an hour to find the right spice...I know it's in there. I got a new one last month! Sheesh... 

"The Pain!"

Ugh!

SO, I THOUGHT that I wasn't stressing about today.

I thought...

But my stomach says otherwise.

My ulcer is killing me today and I've already had as much pepcid as I can have until tonight.

(Damn it...Too many ant-acids can cause kidney problems....and I'm not about to chance that.)

School starts tonight and I'm worrying about it.

WHY?

Hell, I don't know...I thought I was doing a pretty damn good job "ignoring" the fact.

(Sigh)

As long as they have my check in the office and I'm not late for class I'll be happy.

I've got the 1st chapter read already (well, mostly...about 5 more pages till the end...DAMN those chapters are long, like 45 pages!).

---VENTING AGAIN---

I AM an Evil Mutha!

Moms are evil. Yes, I will admit this but, we are evil because we LOVE YOU!


Example:


My son has an affinity for corndogs. We’re talking he would just keep eating them not stop through-out the day if we let him. And both of my children are VERY picky eaters (Hmmm…could it be because their father IS also FREAKIN’ PICKY??! I mean the man doesn’t even like home-made lasagna or any lasagna or anything with tomato sauce or broccoli-cheese casserole or any VEGETABLES except corn). So I try to keep what I know ALL OF MY CHILDREN (husband included) will eat around the house. So every major trip to the store, I buy the economy box of 24 individually packaged corndogs.


My son (like his father) does not like fruit (as in it’s a waist of fucking money if I’m buying just for him) and will only eat the vegetable: corn.
My daughter (like her mother) will eat fruit and vegetables. She eats healthy snacks like 2% cheese sticks, oranges, apples, bananas, and even kiwi (and we can’t keep strawberries in the house…if she sees them, they’re gone). She is particular about what kind of meat she eats though. If I make “taco salad” we have to save some of the meat and make a couple of small patties to cook before we make the taco meat and cook it. My son won’t even eat HAMBURGERS!


Ooops, I kinda got off on a tangent, my bad.

So, the last time I went to the store (about 4 or 5 days ago) for a major shopping trip I spied with my little eye…something that LOOKED like a corn dog.
But it wasn’t; it was one of those pancake-wrapped sausages on a stick. Bells rang and I was instantly hit with an idea.
Now check the price…Just over $4, cool I can deal with that.
So I snag a box and put it in the cart with the REAL corndogs (b/c heaven forbid I should come home without that!...Thank God for gummy-vitamins, at least I know the kids are getting the necessary vitamins and minerals).


It’s been a few days. I asked, as I always do, what they wanted for lunch.

My daughter had to think for a few minutes. I mean, after all she eats more than one thing. She looks around in the cabinet and the refrigerator and then the freezer. Spying the chicken nuggets she yanks the bag out and asks if that’s okay.

Sure.

Now my son didn’t even have to think about it. You can guess what he wanted, right?
“Are you sure you don’t want some chicken nuggets with sister?” He actually likes chicken nuggets, especially from McDonalds.

Nope.

He was adamant about wanting a corndog and grabbed two out of the freezer. Sighing I take them and tell them both to give me a little bit to get everything cooked.

I’m heating up the fryer for the chicken nuggets and then it hits me.


The pancake-corndog-looking-sausage-thingies! Oh yeah, I put ONE of the corndogs back and grabbed one pancake-corndog-looking-sausage-thingies.


So I do the mandatory:
“Kids…lunch is ready!” call and await them. I am, after all, having leftover Chinese (you know, the same shit that I got the blank fortune from…evil bastards!) and I sit down at the kitchen table with both of my kiddo’s.

I watch my son through the corner of my eye, as not to give away anything. Low and behold, he picks up the Not-the-corndog-one and begins to unpeel it.

(Yes, that’s right. My son is rather odd with certain things and he’s very meticulous in nature. He HAS to peel the breading off the dog before he will it the dog. He’ll go back and eat the bread later, if he’s not full from the dog. And heaven HELP US if the ‘dog’ falls of the stick!...he has been known to cry for a ½ hour when this has happened. And yes, I’ve tried just sticking a hot dog on a stick…it DOES NOT WORK!)

….He begins unpeeling it. There is this look on his face that words cannot describe but, was so hysterical that I had to put down my fork and walk into the other room for fear of laughing at him. He “noticed” something was ODD about his “corndog.”
But he kept peeling all the same. You never know, it might just be the tip, right?

It’s completely peeled and he looks at it…Then at me…Then back at IT.

I get this “you evil bitch” look from him as he sniffs the not-the-corndog and then licks it.

I am giggling under my breath and trying to hold a straight face. But the lick never lies!


IT WAS NOT ONE OF HIS CORNDOGS!

He grabbed the “other” corndog (which was a real one but, he didn’t know that yet) and proceeds peeling it very quickly. As if he fears the same fate has befallen this one too.

Upon seeing that it is “okay” he takes hold of it and runs off.

I guess he’s hiding it from me. He still hasn’t eaten it yet. I’m afraid he’s going to save it until he’s REALLY hungry…I mean, for all he knew I used my evil bitch powers to transform his corndog into some hideous-leprosy-infected-corndog!

Man, I’m so evil…I don’t guess I’m going to do that to him again…for a while anyway.

A Friend In Need

I awoke about 4:45am, not with another insomniac bought but, with the need to pee like a Sumo-wrestler on buffet night. I shouldn’t have had so much to drink before I went to bed—even though I went tinkle before I swam into the bedroom.

Yes, swam…I took my sleeping pill before I was even ready to get into bed. Dumb, yes…probably…okay, maybe! The fact of the matter was that I did the same thing yesterday night and it didn’t knock my ass out for a few hours. So how was I to know that it would do so this time?

La-la-la-la-la-la-la!


Okay, so after we had just got done with dinner last night I was asked to make some tea.
Simple right? Well, it should’ve been but, seeing as I haven’t made tea with our Mr. Ice Tea Maker in such a long time…and that I wasn’t raised with a “tea maker” (Our tea maker was one of us, a pan of water simmering over the stove with tea bags in it, and a pitcher with sugar and some ice in it)…it wasn’t as easy.
First off, we didn’t have ice. No problem, that just means you add more water, or something…
And so I did. I filled the pitcher to the top line and tried to pour the entire contents into the tea maker. WHOOPS!
It flooded the floor and all my husband can do is laugh and ask,
“Are you okay, love?” In that sarcastic tone only a man can speak in.

Bastard, LOL!

So as I’m mopping up the excess water with some already dirty towels (because once again, laundry is backed up and I’m not wasting my paper towels to clean up such a HUGE mess) the phone rings.


“You’ll have to get it. I’m in the middle of being a ‘good little woman’ here.” More spells of laughter erupt from us both. And the Rogue With hands me the phone.

“Hello.”

“Devona, Hey what are you doing?” More laughter.

“I’m, uh…er…making…some tea, among other things. (Like a huge fucking mess, lol) What’s going on with you, girl?”

“I’m in the hospital.” I stopped mopping up water.

“Are you okay? Is it your pancreas like they thought…what, where?”

So after talking to her and her old man to get the directions…seeing as she was kinda, shall we say, out of it on the drive up there…I announce that I’m going to hop in the shower and head up there.


No, I did NOT get lost. LOL…you see my Dad and my Step-Mother work at the V.A. Hospital which is amid all of the rest of the OU medical “centers”. For some reason, someone thought they should stick about 13 different hospitals and centers in the SAME area. For real, you can walk from one building to the other. It’s pretty uncommon in this state unless it’s down town OKC or Tulsa (but why anyone would want to go to TULSA is beyond me…I mean except for their kick-ass mall, anyway). So you see, I knew how to get somewhere…which made me VERY happy.


Yet, what’s this, folks? FOG…like the thick fog that you see in those movies about Sherlock Holmes or from the move The Fog.
I figure what the hell; I’ll just drive slow…
It took me almost 20 minutes to get up there so that wasn’t that bad considering it usually only takes me about 15 minutes to get there. It just sucked that I had to pause at every freakin’ road because I couldn’t read them until I was up on them and the land marks I use were completely invisible.


AH, my poor friend looked like crap! (Though I mean that in a Not too bad way, girl...really) They had been giving her Demerol and phenergan (sp?). Apparently it is not her pancreas; it’s her gall bladder. It’s filled with ‘sludge’ and therefore does not work properly, which is why she is in so much pain and nauseous all the time.

Did I mention she’s pregnant? Well, she is. She is about 10 weeks along, which is still the first trimester but nearing the end of it. So they can’t do surgery until at least the second trimester. Which translates too: they are going to keep her in the hospital until they do surgery on her.

The BAD side: This means that her old man now has to get a job because she can’t work while she’s in the hospital. Also, she has a little boy (two months younger than mine, Dayton [Dayton—and mine is Aiden, you should hear us trying to call the right kid when we’re together, lol]) and someone has to watch him while her old man goes job looking and she’s in the hospital. I would volunteer but, I don’t live near Tecumseh anymore (and as much as I would LOVE to watch Dayton, I think it’s best that I do not—for safety’s sake/cough).

The GOOD side: I get to see her more often because a 15-20 minute drive I can do…it’s those 45-60 minutes ones that have me retching at the price of gas and the amount of money in my bank account. I just don’t like the fact that I haven’t seen her in almost a year (though we talk on the phone for as long and as often as possible) until now and it’s only because they sent her up near where I now live that I get to see her.

I told her no more kids! She (and her old man) agreed. She had enough problems with having her son and we’re both hoping this one will be a girl…but another boy will be fine as well. So she is going to do like I did and get her tubes tied, courtesy of the government. Because when you’re poor and pregnant the government aid comes in very handy and they are all about getting you spayed or neutered (although you have to be married to them in order to have you old man neutered).

So anyway…guys keep her in your prayers. I rather think she needs a vacation but, LOL…this is not what I had in mind. So pray that her Old man gets a good job so they don’t loose any of their shit.