so true

Life may not be the party we imagined, but while we're here we might as well dance.

I've Been Tagg-ed!!! ;)

10 Years Ago, I...
1. was 16 1/2
2. wore Tank-tops and flannels
3. i was obsessed with drama class and having fun
4. i was a good girl at school, but not outside of school
5. I was still a virgin

5 Years Ago, I...
1. was 21 years old
2. was living in Norman, Oklahoma
3. I had found out I was pregnant with my baby girl
4. Id been excited about the brand new $100 swim suit that I never got to wear because I found out I was pregnant and my hips have never been the same
5. worked in home health and then at an assisted living center as a medication aid

Yesterday, I...
1. had lunch with my sister, step sister, dad and step-mom and enjoyed a beautiful day
2. felt guilty because I yelled at my daughter for dropping her heavy cup on my bare foot
3. Started reading "Dance with the Devil" by Sheryllin Kenyon (so far it's good...no pussy vampires...yet)
4. cleaned
5. went to bed early

Today, I...
1. I woke up and make coffee, because if my husband makes it it's too damn strong
2. am trying to finish cleaning the last room in the house (then I have to start cleaning in the garage...woman's work is never ever EVER done)
3. have not yet beat the children...so far
4. ordered pizza b/c I'm being lazy and it's really too hot to cook
5. organized my craft closet

Tomorrow, I will...
1. get up and have some more coffee
2. go clean for Crazy Ol' Lady
3. go to the store
4. read some more of my book
5. call and get caught up on all the gossip with my friends and little sister

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
1. pickles
2. cheese-its
3. corn nuts
4. fruit loops
5. fruit

5 Songs I Know all the Words to, Even Without the Music:
1. She Runs Away-Duncan Shiek
2. Baby Got Back
3. I Miss You-Blink 182
4. Hold My Hand-Hootie and the Blowfish
5. Stupify-Disturbed

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000:
1. get me a couple of new cars with nice warranties
2. build a house with a swimming pool and three stories
3. get a brand new wardrobe, maybe two to fit my moods
4. put a couple of million in a good savings account and let it build!
5. take a trip to Scotland

Top 5 Locations I`d Like to Run Away To:
1. Scotland
2. Australia
3. New Orleans
4. Vegas
5. Itally

5 Bad Habits I Have:
1. popping my knuckles, kneck, back, toes...you name it...I can pop it
2. I chew the insides of my lips when I'm nervous
3. nagging
4. loosing my cool over the little things
5. trying to fit too many things into one day

5 Things I like Doing:
1. playing dominoes
2. singing and dancing
3. reading a good book
4. taking a bath by candle light
5. sliding in wet grass

5 Things I Would Never Wear:
1. a push-up bra
2. boas
3. stilettos
4. anything pink
5. a flowered hat

5 T.V. Shows I Like:
1. CSI
2. Numb3rs
3. CSI Miamie
4. CSI New York
5. MXC

5 Movies I Like:
1. Chronicles of Riddick
2. Run Down
3. Pirates of the Caribbean
4. Braum Stoker's Dracula
5. Love At First Bite

5 Famous People I'd like to Meet:
1. The Rock (at sat in the same spot he did in the same limo...although, it wasn't at the same time)
2. Johnny Depp
3. Vin Diesel
4. Eminem
5. John Mayer

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. reading
2. playing with the kids
3. friends
4. storm season
5. a clean house

I tag 5 people:
1. jill
2. ransom queen
3. rogue wit
4. smokey smurf
5. Man in the Middle

Grrrr... 

Hot Vampires! Tssss...... 

Yeah, yeah, yeah....

Okay, so I've deleted the last couple of posts.

WHY?

Because Stuart Townsend just doesn't do it for me unless he's decked out like Lestat in Queen of the Damned.

I've looked and looked and just can't find any good pictures of him...that aren't high-school dorky. LOL.

I've more cleaning to do this weekend and next week it will be pools and parks for the rest of the summer. That is after I go up to the college and see what befalls me for the Fall Semester.

So, you see how boring my weekend is going to be as of today...

Curiosity has gotten the better of me.
What is everyone else doing?

*Banging Head on Wall*

Why can’t parenting be easy? Can anyone explain that one to me?

…and does anyone know if there’s a law against putting a shock collar on you 3 year old?

…just asking…

Talking to him doesn’t seem to do any good.
Popping him on the back of the head doesn’t either (LOL…I’m getting pretty good with the “Mommy Pop”).
Spanking him only does about 15 minutes worth of good…give or take 10 minutes depending on how long he chooses to pout and cry. (I’m a Mom, I don’t even spank hard and you’d think I killed them! I can’t bring myself to spank any harder than to just make the “pop” noise.)

The day had actually been fairly nice yesterday. It rained a little tiny bit…just enough to make it a cool 65 degrees outside. After the heat wave we’ve had 65* felt pretty chilly, but I like it cold and opened the house up.

My daughter talked me into making chocolate chip pancakes. I had to steal one of them and put it on a separate plate in the microwave. LOL…both of my children enjoy my pancakes (especially the choc. Chip ones) and out of the 12, I got one. Hehehe…

Really, the kids hadn’t even faught…much.

Then about the time Rogue Wit gets off of work I was just about done with dinner. (Yeah, I can be a good little wifey-poo when I want to…but only then.) I made steaks, fresh garlic bread, and some buttered rice. So it didn’t take long to cook it all.

The kids had been good and quiet while I was cooking. I didn’t hear any crying or anything suspicious so I just enjoyed the peace and quiet while I could.

After dinner, I was headed to the bedroom to get my shoes. LOL, this is Oklahoma, but they still frown upon people walking into Wally-World without shoes on.

…But as I walked down the hall, I spied with my little eye something that was out of place.

I walk past the bedroom door into the bathroom and was horrified at what my eyes beheld!

No wonder my son had been so damn quiet!

He destroyed about $50 of make up and supplies!!!!

I couldn’t even look at him I was so mad. My husband sent him to his room and “grounded him” for the rest of the night.
Love you, babe, but that doesn’t work with a three year old. My son ended up just taking a nap.

Joy. That meant for certain he would be up before the sun was in the morning.

…and he was…

So, after exhausting everything I know…short of beating him…I’m spent. It’s like I’m beating my own head on the wall…every-fucking-day.

Please tell me that boys grow out of this stage? Please?

Stuart T...again

He looked hot in
The Leage of Extro(damn it, I can't spell)denary Men....

*giggling*

Nose Job for the Vampire

…So I lied to Ho the other day about the book I was reading.

My bad, sorry Ho.

Although, I didn’t lie about the Dune book.
I’ve never read it…and don’t plan on it.
The movies were alright.

What HAVE you been reading then, Boabhan?

Another vampire romance, of course.

Well, actually, it’s four short vampire romances in one book.

So, yes, this is another one of my book reviews.

Okay, so I should’ve guessed by the cover of the book.
“The hotter the guy on the book…the better the book is.”
They guy on this book, well, all he had going for him was the dark hair and the cape.

...I should’ve known.

I would say DON'T buy it.
The first story is worth reading, but you could finish that in the book store.
Then just put the book down...and walk away.

That’s how they get you.
They tempt you with one really very good story and then put crap in the rest of the book.
If they used all of their good stories first I guess they would run out soon.

The book is titled, HIS IMMORTAL EMBRACE.
The first story by Hannah Howell, The Yearning was a wonderful read.
It had sex, it had violence, curses, and a lot of vampire stuff.

The second story I had to make myself read.

The third didn’t even have any vampire stuff in it until the last couple of chapters.
Even then there was no sex until the very end!!
Come on, it’s a damn romance book!

The last was just rather boorish.

I like vampires for several reasons:
-they always make for a great fantasy
-biting is rather sexy
-being carried off as some little damsel in distress is also kinda sexy
-vampires are sexual by nature
-they are wild and do a great bit of fighting

Really I could go on and on.
The first story was the only one to have battles in it.
How can you do a story about vampires without a couple of good fight scenes?

I hate pussy vampires!

Lessons in Life

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark

One: Don't miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do
something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be
done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the
cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals

Hobias Cantankori Poodious

(which means: child born and sold under the star of Ebay)

It’s dark outside…Very dark. I’m hoping for some rain, but I’m not going to hold my breath if you know what I mean. Moore, where I live and which is usually the target of big storms has been passed by now several times. Damn, and we really need the rain!

The children have been hellions since I’ve been out of school. It’s three weeks today. Man, this potty training shit is going to kill me. I can’t remember how I did it with my daughter, but like my husband said, “I won’t matter anyway. Our son isn’t normal.” Damn, I hate it when he’s right!

The Rogue Wit’s work has been rough…And after a bad day at work he gets a ticket.

Can you guess what for?

He wasn’t wearing his seat belt.

Not only did that ruin the rest of his bad day, but it topped mine as well. We can’t afford a damn ticket! Especially over something that I’m always nagging him about anyway!

Damn, Damn, DAMN.

The kids and I did some sculpting yesterday and I let them paint their master pieces after I baked them.

I know…Bitch, bitch, bitch…

It’s all I’m good for today.

“SOMEBODY CHEER ME UP!!!”

He's still cute here...but looks better with the longer hair...Don't you think? 

sigh... 

Sick Fuckers, LOL

I’ve pretty much been up since 4:45 this morning. Yeah, it sucks. We put the kids to bed about 15 minutes early last night and so I guess my son thought that meant he could get up about 3 hours early.

So I sit down to check my email, my blog, and decided to check out who’s been looking at my site while I’m waiting for my precious coffee to brew.

You can imagine my shock…HORROR to find that somebody got here from a google search on “me and my sister fucking.”

Okay, I guess the “me and my” part is from my blog title…

I have searched and searched, but I have never put “me and my sister fucking” anywhere on this blog….Or any where else for that matter.

Sick fuckers!

Who looks that kind of shit up anyway??!

Now that I’ve said that, let me say this: “Thanks for stopping by my blog.”

I laughed when I saw a few checking it out in a search for “Big, Wet, Carpets.” I remember those posts, LOL.

There are many who stopped by on a hunt for “Vin Diesel Naked.

One I had to do some checking for was a picture that people had searched for.

So...For my public...Back By Popular Demand...

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy!!!

Do I know his name? No. Does it matter? Nope. He is the new HOTTIE OF THE WEEK!! Lestat! You can bite my neck, baby. 

Heinous Anus

I attacked the kitchen today and won.
It was a hard battle and I had to call in back up.
But after seven hours of sorting through everything I came out a winner.

I’ve been watching way too many of those Home And Garden Network shows.
Or, so says the husband.
…Okay, so I have.

We went through all of my dishes, pots, pans, Tupperware, dish towels, utility/pantry, and appliances.
After we took everything out of all of the cabinets and after I cleaned the cabinets we sorted through my stuff.

I had to take several deep breaths and call for the Rogue Wit to come in.
You see, I love my dishes. LOVE THEM!
To me they represent my achievement as a good little Momma. I can’t explain it.
So I needed my hand held as I decided which of my pots, pans, and dishes to let go.
It was hard. It was so hard that some of them I discarded I then decided to store away because I couldn’t abandon them. I couldn’t!
We’d been through so much together.
I know their perks and quirks.

Then, like meth head looking for his next bump I cleaned my kitchen.
It’s been long over due.
I used to get down on my hands and knees and scrub the floor and the base boards every few months.
I hate to even admit it, but it’s been about nine…maybe even ten months since I’ve done that.

…Okay you got me. It was a year ago and it wasn’t I who did it.
Rogue Wit’s best friend was staying here with us for a while and he’s just as much of a house bitch as I am.
I came home from my Anatomy and Physiology I class to find this boy on his hands and knees scrubbing my floor.

I even cleaned all of my appliances.
I’m just so proud of myself.
That’s what this summer off is for.
I made a promise to myself to clean this house and get it (and me) in order and I’m already half way done. YAY!
Hell, it’s only been three weeks since the end of last semester.
I had to crank up the radio the other day when they were playing Alice Cooper.

“School’s out for summer!”

Yeah baby, yeah….me-ow!

From Bay Watch to SpongeBob's Movie

“Baywatch” hunk David Hasselhoff says he’s asked for only one autograph in his life—Cary Grant’s.
As a young actor, David had a proud possession—a photo of Cary Grant signed, “To my barber—To, Bill, who always trimmed me well.” But he had no idea whether or not the autograph was authentic.
When David hit it big on TV with “Knight Rider,” he was invited to a studio luncheon—and he was delighted to learn the legendary star was going to attend, he told Jay Leno.
“So I went in and I met him and said, ‘Hi, Mr. Grant. I’m David Hasselhoff. I’m the guy who talks to the car.’ He had no idea what I was talking about!”
As the dapper actor was leaving in his limousine, David says he jumped in and asked for his autograph.
“He goes, ‘Well, you’re an odd sort, aren’t you?’ I said, ‘Yes I am, I am, I really am.’ And I got the autograph.” The signature perfectly matched the one on the old photo.

Bad Vin Diesel! He started with the tough character act and I had to put him in a time out...I don't fall for any of that shit...I'm the biggest baddest bitch this side of the Mississippi! 

Oooh, yeah...he can ride me......... 

More Vin Diesel Hottness! 

I come and go in no particular order...

Ah, what a wonderful night. I slept so well, like a kitten after a bowl of milk. Is it just me or does every woman like to be petted. I LOVE having my hair ruffled up.

The only problem last night was that when I fell asleep I dreamed about midget werewolves.

Why am I dreaming about midget werewolves??!

The worst part is that in all of my dreams if I am being chased I run in slow motion while everything else seems to be on fast forward.

**********

Lord have mercy!

I started on this post at 8:30 this morning and I am looking at the clock…it’s 11:35 now. I don’t even have time to finish it now. Hell, I can’t remember what I was going to say.

Instead of taking it easy today I decided to do some more spring cleaning.

Yup, I decided to hit the “junk closet.”

Its name is self-explanatory.

We weren’t sure what to do with it when we first moved in here.

I thought, “I can use this as my arts and crafts closet!”

Then months later, “I’ll just store this closet with Christmas and Birthday presents and wrapping paper…that kind of stuff.”

A year or two later, “Hell, I’m just going to stick whatever I don’t know what to do with in there. It’s already full of shit and I don’t know what half of it is.”

So that is how it became a junk closet.

It was also supposed to be the “tornado warning area.”

It’s in the very center of the house and I can fit myself and the two kiddos in there.

Two years ago when one of the tornados just missed my street (thank God for jumpers) I did have the kids and myself in there.

It took about 10 minutes to pull out all of the shit under the bottom shelf, but we got in there in time.

The freakin’ windows were rattling…thank God for Gary England!!

Today I took everything out of it. I mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!

GAWWWD!!!

I then decide to store all of my linen in one area and that the “junk closet” would be a good place.

You see I also need a place for the kids dress up stuff.

So after some thinking one night it came to me.

"If I move all my blankets that don’t really all fit in there anyway from bottom half of the hall closet into the junk closet…then I can put all of the kids dress up stuff in the bottom half of the hall closet!"

Brilliant I say, Brilliant!!

The only problem is…it’s an awesome amount of BS work. I hate BS work. The only thing that keeps me going is the idea that my house might actually become organized by the end of summer.

So, Cheers…Here’s hoping for some organization!!!

My Son and His Two Loves...showers and corndogs

LOL...I edited this in order to share this...

..he is sooooo hot!!! 

Hell YES!, Baby!!!!

Someone likes Halloween just as fucking much as I do!!

I've added this to my blog links and who knows, maybe I'll see about becoming a member and posting there from time to time. LOL, if I have the time.

For now though, I'm just going to share this site...I'm definitely going to be reading it...whether or not I join.

All Halloween Blog!!

??

Is there a cure for "bitter?"

Destroy The Sith, We Must

Yeah, well…bring it on Yoda. Bring it!

I’m strong with "the force"…MY force!

It doesn’t matter that your crippled muppet-ass can hop around a cave like some kind of mutant frog.
It doesn’t matter that you can raise giant boulders.
It DOESN’T MATTER that you look like the short bussed spawn of Kermit and Miss Piggy.

What matters, Yoda, is that you can’t even pronounce my name right.

Can you smell what I’m cookin? Can ya?!!

I’m cooking frog legs, Yoda…with a sweet and sour Jedi sauce.

You see, Yoda, I’m a Boabhan Sith. Sith is pronounced “SHE,” mother-f(#$er! I’m a fucking vampire you twit! God, no wonder the Jedi numbers are dwindling!!

I guess you could say I’m on the dark side. The Boabhan Sith can’t be out in sun light. It’s the whole ashes to ashes thing. Man, what a dumb-ass!

So bring it on Yoda. You and me at dusk! And don’t try any of that Jedi mind shit…I’m a vampire…v-a-m-p-i-r-e…I do mind tricks of my own.

You’d better hope the force is really with you because that light-saber isn’t going to do shit! I’m a vampire…I’ll just ~poof~ into air!

Stupid bastard frog!

*SOBBING*

Holy Crap…the day I’ve had!

I am seriously considering a shock collar for my son. He’s going to cause me to die young…seriously.

My son is okay, though.

I’m still shaken and don’t feel like reliving the shock of it all so I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say that my husband now keeps his blood pressure medicine in a new spot…a spot where even I have a hard time getting too.

God, I’m glad to be home!

I just have to mention my thankfulness for my husband. Normally I can switch into “medical mode,” but I guess with my own child I was stuck in “freaked out mommy mode.” Had it not been for my husband I don’t know what I would’ve done. It was all I could do to call him.

So who’s harder to raise, boys or girls?

My son…he’s harder to raise.
You can see the mischief in his eyes…really, they sparkle with it.

Vin Diesel...NAKED!!!!!!!!

...I know that look...Vin gave me that look last night...right before he screwed me stupid..."I love you Vin Diesel."

Iron Roses

My mind just isn’t working today. I feel like I’m a zombie…a whole pot of coffee and I’m still struggling to keep my eye lids open. You just wait. Come 10pm tonight I bet I’m w-i-d-e awake! It’s always like that.

Talking on the phone with a friend this morning and I realized (not that I didn’t already know) that I am SO lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Yup…lucky!

Some men are controlling and jerks. All me are ass-holes, but you have to take the good with the bad in everybody. Some men are uncaring bastards who aren’t much more than a bump on a log. Some men are cheating bastards who apparently can’t keep their bump to themselves.

My man…he’s just stupid from time to time. I imagine he thinks the same of me on occasion.

Yes, it’s hard to believe, but I can be a stupid bitch from time to time. Yup…stupid! At least there’s a cure for that.

I love that my husband understands that I don’t think in technical terms. If you wanna talk about sickness, health, hospitals, infections, sanitizing, and what ever else along that line…then I’m your gal!

But if you’re talking about hard drives, html, software, uh…and any of those other type things…call my husband. Shit! I broke a computer the first day of my computer science class. I don’t know how I did it, but I’m jinxed when it comes to that kind of stuff. It goes with cars and that kind of thing too.

Now, vacuums I can fix! I’ve had second hand vacuums since I’ve been on my own up till last year when I bought my first NEW vacuum cleaner. No one but I have ever used it! I know. It’s pretty pathetic that I get so excited over a new vacuum cleaner, but…it was my diploma graduating me into WOMAN-dom. (lol…spell check doesn’t know what to do with that one!)

God, what was I talking about anyway?

Oh! Oh yeah, I’ve got a good man. “…a mighty good man…” *singing*

I have a…I’m not going to say friend. Although we used to be….a l-o-n-g time ago. And honestly I don’t know why my best-friend stays in touch with her. Okay, so I know why, but it’s hard to say that you feel sorry for someone when they bring it upon themselves.

This “girl” got herself pregnant to get married to her boy-friend. After they got married…like, a week after they got married one of his other girl-friends calls their house. She had to remind her husband that he should tell the girl that he was married and shouldn’t call.
…They still stay in “contact.”

Then she looses the child, but honestly it’s not a bad thing. She’s a diabetic. She’s been one since she was like 4 and has been in several diabetic comas because she doesn’t take care of herself.
We reminded her…”Have you seen Steel Magnolias?” No kidding folks…some diabetic woman shouldn’t have children. If you’re lucky you’ll just go blind or loose a limb. If you’re not so lucky you’ll die.

Yeah, yeah…for some it’s not so bad and nothing happens. But, “Diabetic Coma”…PEOPLE!

Anyway, she likes to call my friend white trash because they are on food stamps. But, she then gets pissed off because she doesn’t qualify for food stamps.

So does that make her a “wanna-be-white-trash?”

Well, she finally had a kid even though she had several complications. Duh? And she calls it a “little mutha-fucker.” I could slap her, I swear.

We’re white trash, but she has spilled food all over her kitchen floor from weeks and weeks…maybe a month ago. Uh-hu.

And she’s with a cheating-ass husband who bitches at her constantly. CONSTANTLY!

Come on, girl! You made your bed…lay in it.

Why are some women so damn stupid??!!!

Chronicles of Riddick....Vin Diesel is my Hottie of the WEEK! 

All Lubed Up...

...and holding my breath.

Let me recap the events of this cursed weekend.

Friday (the 13th) I went to the store and came home. No big deal right?

Right.

Well, my husband was going to go play Magic with some of his old buddies. I was getting the kids out of the shower and dressed for the night. It was going to be a wonderful night of scary movies and a good vampire romance book. Storms were even heading my way. I LOVE storms.
So, I kiss my husband good bye and so did the kids and he leaves. I lock the door (chain and door knob) because I'm paranoid like that.

Five minutes later there's a knock on the door.

It's my husband. The van wouldn't start.

Crap.

Please GOD, don't let the car be dead!!!

After a phone call to the family mechanic (Rogue Wit's dad) it was decided that it is probably a short in the battery. *They think*

So Rogue Wit and I cuddle up on the couch and listen to the storm as it moves slowly along over head. I am kinda glad his got to stay home. I say "kinda" because I know he really wanted to hang out with his boys. It's something he doesn't get to do very often.

Saturday arrives and Pops (Rogue Wit's Dad...are you following alright?) comes by with a charger. Rogue Wit had taken the battery out of his 65 mustang and stuck it in the van, but his battery was dead. So after charging it for a few hours on low we started up the van.

YAY...WOO-HOO...YIPPY SKIPPY!

The van came to life!

The rest of Saturday was spent cleaning all the construction debris from the side of the house and getting ready for the BIG trash pick-up.

Then today...

The back yard is literally a jungle. I do the mowing and I haven't had the chance to mow since spring arrived because of school & the fact that we've had all the construction garbage blocking the side of the house. I donned my cut-off sweat shorts, a pretty revealing top, my working tennies, and my sun-glasses.

Well, the last time I was to mow the lawn the mower was having problems and wouldn't start. So I wanted Rogue Wit to take a look at it before I mowed. Sure enough...it's fucked!

After he called Pops again I'm still waiting. There's now a check list of things for him to try. I would borrow a mower, but really the grass in the back yard is near 2 foot. It was going to take me about 2 days to mow all of that shit anyway. And a new mower is NOT a possibility. We're fucking poor...DAMN.

DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!

Hot, Hard, and Sweaty! YUM.... 

OCD and Chocolate Grapes!

Okay, I have been asked from numerous persons to relay this story involving my 3 year old son.
This goes out to all you parents in the audience who can appreciate my hysterical laughter as I try to write this down.

My son is in the process of potty training. It’s a long and drawn out process in which patience in not only a virtue, but a requirement for the course. You also have to have a since of humor…not only for potty training but for all parenting things. No humor equals dead children…and the state looks down on that.

Well, Aiden, my son, is making big strides in the world of potty training. He can get out of his clothes, put the training seat on the toilet, push the stepping stool up to the potty, pee on the potty, wipe off his doo-dad, and flush the toilet. Yet, he only pees on it. That seems to be the easy part of potty training. It’s the pooping on the potty that seems to take some finagling. So for the moment he still goes in his pull-ups. That’s okay for the here and now as he makes it simple by bringing my the wipes and a new pull-up to let me know he needs a changing.

There is one thing I should also mention about my son and…well, me as well. Aiden is very meticulous and he borders on obsessive compulsive (as do I as well). He doesn’t want anything yucky to touch his hands. It took him until last year to even get a feel for playing in the dirt. It would get on his hands and he would be upset…it’s funny when I tell other people, but not so much when I’m trying to calm him down and rushing to clean off his hands.

So…the scene is set and I shall spin my yarn for you.

It was a day like any other day. I had been pulling out my hair all day long because siblings fight…constantly. Who knew?

Aiden and his older sister had been relatively quiet for a short while when my son brings me the wipes and a new pull-up.

“Are you stinky?” I ask him. He looks up at me and then just plops down on the floor to be changed. I sigh. He isn’t much of a talker either and would rather show than tell.

Anyway, when I remove his pants and rip open the pull-up I wasn’t surprised that it was poopy. Ah, but not just any kind of poop. It was a group of pebble turds that kids have from time to time that make you think…damn, did you eat a bag of marbles?

Well, I grab a wipey and tell him to lift up his butt so I can remove the clothe of shit-balls. What I didn’t think to do was to remove the cluster of them caught between his nads and his inner thigh. So when he threw his legs back the cluster flew off and smacked him on the cheek.

…hold on I have to laugh this out…

Okay, let me remind you about his dislike for yucky. I’m laughing hysterically and trying to collect all the little turd balls and stick a new pull-up on him…and he’s freaking out!

“Oh, Mamma…poopy!” He’s wiping at his face with a wipey I handed him as if his face was melting.

It took about 30 minutes and a good face scrubbing to calm him down.

God, I love my kids!

Wind, Meat loaf, & Michael Jackson

There are sometimes I sit outside and listen to the wind.
The wind talks to me.
It whispers notes of love and hate and…
That it thinks my meat loaf is worse than Michael Jackson’s nose.
So I fart…in the wind. I hope it felt the slap which that was.
Who does it think it is anyway? Insult my meat loaf, huh?
Bastard!
So I fart again, but this time…I shit my pants.
Damn it wind!
Why must you taunt me?

Touching you, Touching me, & singing while you giggle..

Emotions are powerful things.
Stronger yet is our need to protect them.
I am an emotional person. Yes, I anger easily. I have punched a man in a fight before. I have kicked a man in a fight before. I have even grabbed, twisted, and pulled in a fight with the same man. (No, it’s not Rogue Wit…he’s been a good man…so far…)

Needless to say, I have a temper problem which is fuelled by emotions. I send my children to their rooms when I feel as if I’m about to snap. They should never have to suffer by my hand and I will kill myself should this ever happen. They are my life.

See, now I am rambling.

I’m tired. It should never have become a war. War is bad (Mm-kay). I just wish to be forgotten by those who have come to hate me. Forget me…it’s easy. You never really knew me to begin with.

What am I saying? Where am I going with this?

This has to stop.

Doug, (my crack-head brother) called my little sister the other day. He needed a favor (big surprise…I do not mean to sound so tainted…but I am. How can I keep giving with out receiving anything in return? Surely, they knew I’d eventually dry out. I digress.).

Well, this is where it gets interesting. I told my little sister, Smokey Smurf, to save it and make me a copy…just in case the dumb-ass does anything stupid.

I guess our brother forgot to hang up the phone. He went on to say he was going to beat my little sister and kill my husband. That’s a threat.

Am I scared?

No, far from it…in fact I’m rather irritated.

He mentioned that I left for vacation when my mom was in the hospital. What he failed to tell the guy he was talking to was that my mother was getting out in a few days and was fine. Does he really think anyone believes him? I’d planned that trip for several months, but if my mother (bad feelings or not) was still in ICU…I would have stayed.

That’s as much as I’m saying about that. I don’t think I need to explain myself to some one who can’t keep an apartment, job, girl-friend, friend, or his utilities on without having to call and have my mom bail him out.

I’m done with this bull-shit!

What has happened doesn’t matter. What matters is that I lost the drama…and yet, part of me as well. I miss my nieces and nephews.

John David is right. I have a right to my views whether he agrees with them or not. No one knows what another man has been through until they have walked in their shoes.
I know you guys don’t believe me, but I am not lying.

If someone doesn’t like what I write then they don’t have to read it. It’s just that simple.

Like all of those anonymous commenters out there who post hater shit. I’m happy you stopped by. By reading my site you made my counter go up one more time and I got another comment. Any comment is a good comment.

What is it that they say?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

Hmmm…that’s true in many cases. Yet, it’s not true all the time now is it.

This blog is my diary, my journal, my confessions, my release, my inspiration, and my way of reaching out and touching people. Touching, only because I can’t spank you in cyber-space.

Love You Long Time!!!!!!!

...I could just BITE him!!

Hot, Wet, & Ready for ACTION!!!! He's made the Hottie of the week yet again..... 

Summer Summer Summer Time....

SWEET!

Summer time is here. Took my last final last night and I did rather well…if I do say so myself. I don’t think it’s hit me yet, that I’m out of school for the summer. I’m hoping it doesn’t go by too quickly. Ever notice that when you’re young time seems to stand still, but when you get older the hours, days, and even years fly by.

Oh well, I’m going to make the most of what I’ve got. I plan on swimming this summer, maybe a road trip or two to see some of Oklahoma’s biggest attractions.

What attractions, you say?

We’ve got parks and that kind of out-doorsie crap! Yay, for the out doors!

I want to teach my kids to swim, to hike, to camp (even if it’s our own back yard), and anything else I can think up for us to do. I haven’t had a summer off with nothing to do since my sophomore year in high school. Damn! That’s been a good ten years ago…
…I’m getting…OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least for the embarrassment...I hope he scored. 

...Not Off To A Good Start

I wake up early to the sound of my husbands voice.

"Baby, the boy is awake."

Damn it! So I grab the boy and make him lay down with me so I can catch a few more minutes of slumber. It worked at first...he had drifted off to...what ever dream land little boys venture to in their sleep.

Then I get up. There was a disturbance in the force. I looked over and...just as I suspected. The boy was gone. *sigh*

So I get up and go searching for him. I walk in the kitchen and my "Mommy" senses started tingling and I knew....before I walked to the laundry room...I KNEW!

*SIGH*

My son was on my washing machine and had dumped clothes in it...AND was in the process of dumping soap on them! Enough soap to do about 3 loads...BIG loads!

FUCK!

So after a few calming breaths and a mental count down before I could touch him safely...I grabbed him, swatted his diapered butt, and sent him on his way.

Damn, all I could do was reach in with my hands and scoop out as much excess laundry soap as possible and put more clothes in. So I started the washer.

~the bad morning had just begun~

In the middle of one of the washer's cycles I hear water.

I know you're saying, "But, Devona, washing clothes necessitates the use of water and there for you should not be so worried."

But, friends, need I remind you that we have plumbing issues!? And it was the sound of water spraying on the floor. So I put my history book down, get up, and wander over to the edge of the carpet and the tile kitchen floor.

Yup, it's freakin' WET!!!!

&#(#$)(&#$)_dladfkl@)#&8!!!!!!!!!!!!

...I bet you it's from all of the EXTRA soap my son was so gracious enough to use.......

I've decided!

I am going to become a vampire.

Yeah, you heard me, but not just ANY vampire mind you.

After watching The Kids Next Door with my kids it hit me. I want to be a Spanking Vampire!

I'll go around spanking those who are notty on the ass...and then bite them!

Brilliant! Thank you, Kids Next Door...

Things I’m grateful for:

-My children
-My Dad, step-Mother, Mother-in-law, and Father-in-law
-My little sister, my step-sister, and my brother-in-laws
-All of my friends
-My house
-My health
-Hot showers (lol)
-Second chances (when I don’t deserve them)
-Tomorrow is my last final of this semester
-My summer break
-Sleep
-My wonderfully loving and caring husband
-coffee

Mother’s Day was wonderful! The husband let me sleep till 10am and brought me fresh coffee in bed. I sat there sipping my coffee like a contented cat being pampered and petted. Then it was off to the shower. Did I mention I like hot showers? They’re wonderful for your soul. I swear to you.

We went out with my in-laws for a Mother’s day lunch at Red-Lobster. My brother-in-law works there. He’s wonderful. He spoiled my daughter while we were there. She’s hard not to spoil.

My Mother-in-law got me a lady-bug treasure box. Ah, it’s so pretty! I collect lady-bugs and it will be added to my growing collection! I swear to you, I have THE BEST in-laws.
I missed out on my nephew’s dedication, but I had told them before hand. I don’t need a ceremony to make me pledge to be a part of my nephew’s life. It’s a dream of mine for my children to be able to play with their cousins. It’s so wonderful! I am truly blessed with what I have.

Yes, I’ve had to give up parts of me and make some sacrifices, but it’s worked out for the best. I’ve lost family and a couple friends, but the ones who were closest and cared for me stayed. I may not have been able to make lemon-aide with what was handed to me, but I can slice ‘em and put ‘em on a beer while reflecting the past 26 years.

**********

I’m in need of some reflecting and dare I speak it some adventure. The days have been with too much strife.
Sometimes it’s just hard to focus.
No, I’m not depressed, but just feeling reflective.
There is just some things I need doing. Things I intend to get done.
Time with the children can heal the heart…and mind.

***************************

..

She Will Be Missed

Clare B. Rose (Shuknick [I hope I spelled her maiden name right, it's German]) passed away this morning...I love you Grandma. She became a nurse during the depression and met my Grampa while working in a hospital in Kansas (I think). My Grampa worked in the oil business and had broken his leg on the rig. They took him, Hubert Wallace Rose, to the hospital the Clare worked at where she had him as a patient for several weeks. He courted Clara and eventually married her. They had a wonderful life together on this Earth...I know Grampa will be happy to see her.

DAMN SEXY!!! I just couldn't help myself....ARRRGGGGHH!!!!!! 

If I Were....

(You get to answer any five of these and then add your own occupations)

If I could be a WWE wrestler (Boabhan Sith)
If I could be gay for a day (Boabhan Sith)
If I could be a bearded lady (Boabhan Sith)
If I could be one of the Brady’s Bunch (Boabhan Sith)
If I could be a mortician (Boabhan Sith)
If I could be a music executive (The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a grandparent(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a computer hacker(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a professional basketball player(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be a Customer Service Representative(The Man In The Middle)
If I could be an artist
If I could be a marketing director
If I could be a nanny
If I could be a psychic
If I could be an emergency medical technician
If I could be a firefighter
If I could be a designer
If I could be a policeman/woman
If I could be a teacher
If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate(By Teach)
If I could be a service member(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor(By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver(by Brian)
If I could be a priest(by Brian)
If I could be the Sherrif Of Nottingham(Karen)
If I could be a dancer(Karen)
If I could be Santa Claus(Karen)
If I could be on a reality TV show(Dawn)
If I could be a magician(Dawn)
If I could be a rich man
If I could be perfect
If I could be a comedian

If I could be a psychic I would lie to people and tell them the exact opposite of what I saw…except for my friends and then I would only charge half price.

If I could be a comedian I would tell only knock-knock jokes.

If I could be a priest I wouldn’t molest little boys, but the hot chicks who needed some penance in stead.

If I could be a hooker I’d get false teeth and charge extra for a “gummer.”

If I could be a chimney sweep I would bitch slap Mary Poppins for singing that stupid “supercalafrag…” that one stupid song and make her learn the words to “Wonder Why They Call You Bitch” by 2pac.

I'm going to tag Smokey Smurf, Jerzee, and Ransom Queen.

I'm a Goofy Goober Yeah....

Happy news!
Yesterday, all by himself, my son went into the bathroom. He put his potty-training seat onto the toilet, pulled down his pants and pull-ups, and after climbing up on the seat he peed on the potty!!!!!

*DANCING*

Yesterday I also took my Micro-Biology test. Man it was freakin’ easy! She handed back our other tests and I got all A’s….SWEET!

I have class tonight and then again on Tuesday…which is when I take the FINAL FINAL!!!
I’m so damn close to being done with this semester. I haven’t heard from the Nursing program yet, but I’m not going to get worried. I have a month after starting the program to get the tests and things done that I need.
-dug test
-TB test
-shot history
-recent tetnes shot
-school colored scrubs
-I’ve got a blood pressure cuff and stethoscope

I’m not really worried about any of these. The TB test is only $5 and the Tetnes shot isn’t expensive. LOL, I don’t have to worry about passing a drug test, unless you count benedryl…Hehehe. My shot history is at one of the hospitals I used to work for (they keep it up to 7 years after employment). And the scrubs, well, that’s what financial aid is for.

If I don’t get in this fall I will in the Spring. Why you ask I am so sure of this? Because if I don’t get in in the fall I’m going to take a math class to make sure I do better on the compass test. I did excellent on the other two parts, but math sucked major ass!

I was so happy to see the 14 on the comments thing this morning! Wow! That’s like almost ¼ of what Blog Ho gets.

Bad comments are still comments…Thank you all for the Good ones & the bad ones!!

Now I have to work on that thing from Man In The Middle.

ARRRRRR!!!!! 

What Makes A Mother?

Some people just can never take the hint. Even when it’s not so much of a hint, but a straight forward “leave me the fuck alone and let me get on with my life.”

As a parent I now realize that all parents have their faults. I too am not a saint nor am I the perfect mother, but I try my damned hardest. It’s my wish to have a good relationship with my children. Talking with my mom was done only when I needed something from the store and then when I got old enough I just got it myself. Truly, I resent my mother. To this day, yes, it’s petty and silly…I forgive her, but I can’t be apart of it any longer.

There is so much I could say…so many stories.

My sister and I had to get up at 4:45am in order to get to school on time, because I went to a private school that didn’t have a bus. My parents didn’t want us to walk too school and if it was left up to my mother…we were always late…ALWAYS. She used to make us keep secrets from my Dad. Come on…how fucked up is that?! My parents always sat in different rooms and never talked. They never did anything together. To keep my Dad from leaving her, my mother would always come down with “some strange disease” and this worked for 30 years. She never died…in 30 years of “near death.” Then after the divorce she really sank into a depression and lost her job because she just didn’t show up for work and tried to blame it on her illness. If it were a one time thing they might have…no, they would have been okay with it. Yet, just like her responsibility to get us to school on time she shirked her responsibility as a DON so she could lay in bed, get fat, and sleep all damn day.
She blames things on everyone but her. Yeah, I know I wasn’t the best daughter…there’s a lot of things I would do differently, but I can admit “I” fucked up. Yup, me…I fuck up from time to time. I’m human, but I learn from my mistakes and I pride myself on never making the same mistake twice…I can find new and better ways to fuck up…because I’m just that way. Why can’t people just admit that they’re a fuck up? You have to admit to the problem before you can do anything about it.

Why am I rambling on about all of this?

My mom called my little sister yesterday. She won’t call here because someone will always pick up. Smokey Smurf called me and played the recording.

I said, “So what does she want now?”

Smokey- “I don’t know, but she wouldn’t call if she didn’t need or want something…I’m not calling her back.”

Me- “I don’t blame you…it’s been nice without all of the drama. I wouldn’t call her back…too many bitches over there.”

Ass-Master in the back ground (you need to call her just to make sure nothing bad has happened)

Smokey and Me- “Hell NO!”

So Smokey Smurf calls me back later after she called our mother. (Yup, the Ass-Master talked her into it) And…surprise, surprise…she wanted something. Apparently she’s been falling down at work (yeah, uh-hu…I’m just so concerned can you tell) and she’s on paid suspension. She wanted my little sister Smokey Smurf to try and get her a job at the place where Smokey works. Then she goes on about how she doesn’t understand what’s going on and bla bla bla “I’m so alienated”…suck it up woman.

While Smokey is on the phone with our mother Smokey hears our stupid-bitch niece in the back ground saying “she’d better not be talking shit about us.”

SHUT THE FUCK UP, little bitch. Yeah, she’s turning out just like her bitch mother.

You know, our older sister was never really a sister to us and it’s always been her way or the highway. She’s an evil manipulative glory seeking bitch. She’s treating her kids just like our mom treated us. She dragged her two kids around from fuck to fuck and had herself committed after her divorce because she only married that guy because she felt sorry for him. How do I know this? She fucking told me. She told me the story of her ex-husband wanting sex and had been drinking so she told him to wait for her to freshen up and hid in the bathroom until he passed out. She told me how she moved out with one guy to go on a trip with another guy because she deserved it from what she had to put up with when she was with him and then moved back in with guy #1 when she got back from the trip. Where were her two kids during all of this? Who the fuck knows!

Fuck that…even if I have to give up a favorite hobby or pay cut or whatever!...I love my kids and will make sure that they have good memories of me. I will never forget them or make them late on a regular basis so that they get in trouble for something that is not their fault. I will sacrifice for them and make due with nothing so they have everything. I will talk with them and listen even if I don’t agree…it’s important to listen and try to understand how someone…anyone feels. I will NEVER tell them that I love their father more than them. I will not ever make them choose sides, should it not work out in my marriage, because Rogue Wit is a good father to them.

Why would you have children just to push them aside and hurt them?
How can a mother ignore and manipulate their children…and not try to protect them?

Sunday the 8th is Mother's Day...just thought I'd remind every body!!