Happy New Year TO ME!

Damn...It has been a good morning. To spare any unfortunate family who read this the gory details, let me just say that I have been sated. (oh, yeah...Good morning WOODY!) LOL
Anyway, as I am in a very...No, extremely.....
Ah, but I cannot find a word that can fully describe the sweetness of the gloriful bliss of which comes over me this morning (lol...Or somewhere anyway.) Yup, my mind is going to be running amid the gutters all day!
So...I'm feeling yummy and I'm going to do my cleaning and then get my nails done [via my Christmas present from my Mother-In-Law which is a gift card for a set of nails and a free fill...Or whatever I want to have done]. I'm thinking about doing something different with my hair but, don't tell Rogue Wit as he just gets all disturbed when I go about my different hair styles. I LOVE my hair and it is my one quality that I know is always glorious...Even when it's just pulled up in a clippy. And I'm had many different styles and colors (except I've never done any un-natural ones...Although I am quite fond of purple, it wouldn't suit my profession).
Anyway, (I guess my brain hasn't quite got the blood back) I won't be posting as much today but I want everyone to know I wish them a very Happy New Year!
Smokey Smurf and I will probably be meeting up later at my In-Laws and if this does take place we will be starting the "beltching contest" with Rathwel...If he's feeling up to it, via some kind of audio crap...See if it weren't for the Rogue Wit I wouldn't even have a computer let a lone know what to do with one.

Remember everyone...today you are supposed to eat black-eyed peas (for luck) and cabbage (for money)....I'm going to be eating alot of fucking cabbage--as in my delicious vegatable beaf stew!

...It's tradition!

My new friend "Hello"

Okay, so I kinda...Might have over done it (maybe) with the pictures yesterday. I was just so proud of myself for figuring out how to set that up and install it ALL BY MYSELF. I didn't have to ask my husband (who is a computer tech for county)...Not once. I was just so excited about my new found ability that I fear I posted about 18 pictures yesterday.

(deep breath) I have conquered my addiction and the excitement has dropped a few notches...Thank goodness.

It's just so hard not to play with something once you've figured out how to do it by yourself, ya know. LOL...And as much as I practiced yesterday, I'm sure that I won't forget how to do it anytime soon!

EVIL

When I was very young I remember the end of some old black and white horror movie. That's all, just the end...Yes, it made that big of an impact on me.
There was this girl (I think) sitting in a spinning chair holding a porcelain clown and as the chair spun slowly around and you were blind to all but the back of the chair...You hear a "shing."
The noise sounds familiar but, you don't place it until the chair makes a complete circle and you see the girl with her neck slit and an evil smile of the porcelain clown.
Then such movies as: It, Evil Clowns From Outer Space (or what ever the fuck that scary ass shit was), Polterguiest, and even Halloween came out and thus enhanced my phobia.
It has always been with me and I can only sit and wait for them to kill me when approached by the evil painted men.
After I had my daughter, I got on at Norman Regional Hospital as a Flex/Float Aid. This meant that I was trained on every floor and went were ever they needed me. I loved it. I like doing different things at work because it breaks up the monotony and tediousness of the normal "routine." My supervisor loved me as well and I had certain floors requesting me. The really "head-bloating", "pride-swelling" thing about that is when you work at a hospital you don't remember names...Even the weird ones like Devona. You remember the room number and the name is on your report sheet along with the information you need to know. And you definitely don't remember staff names unless you work with them on a regular basis or have to know it (as in it's the boss's daughter or for that matter the boss). So when it came time for my evaluation and my supervisor went to the floors I had worked he didn't have to remind them of who I was. They all remembered me and had only good things to say. I had the highest rated evaluation of a Flex/Float Aid that they'd ever had. (Yes, damn it...I'm proud of that)
Hmm...Sorry, got side tracked...
So I was up on the 3rd floor in TCU (pretty much the nursing home floor...Not one of my favorites) and I was waiting at the nurses station to get my report from the off-going shift (bitches) and it touched me. IT TOUCHED ME!
I turned around to find myself face to face with a clown................
I couldn't move! Really, I wanted to run...I wanted to scream...I wanted to shit my pants and I could only stand there and sweat.
It asked me if I was feeling alright?! LIKE IT ACTUALLY FREAKIN' CARED!
I tried to swallow or nod my head or SOMETHING. I was frozen like a deer caught in head-lights...I was stuck awaiting my demise.
Then, what must have been divine intervention, the activities director came up to the EVIL KILLER CLOWN (who I suspect was really the angel of death in disguise...Not a good thing to see in the hospital...a bad omen if you wish). She merrily lead him to a patients room. I made damn sure to note the room they had entered and steered clear of it till I was certain the THING was gone.
I had to go out on break early and I smoke about half a pack of menthols in 15 minutes...It was horrifying!

Super Star! Okay, so I was playing around with paint shop..so sue me! 

This is the fairy phone # book and organizer I recieved from Smokey Smurf and the Ass-Master for Christmas! I love it, you can see it matches my stuff. 

Tangerine Onyx I like buffalows (sp?) 

We go to the Medevil (sp?) Fair in Norman every year and a couple of years ago I got this...Did I mention I like orange? 

This is my son as a Pixie --by my Step-Mother...these pictures really don't do it justice! 

A picture of my daughter as a fairy also painted by my step-mother...she's a wonderful lady...and very talented! 

This is the other dragon Smokey Smurf and the Ass-Master got Rogue Wit...it's an inscence burner (the cones go between his wings and smoke comes out of his mouth)...IT IS SWEET! 

The puter Dragon was a present to Rogue Wit from Smokey Smurf and the Ass-Master... 

That is the Dragon Oil Burner that I got Rogue Wit for Christmas...He had a very "dragon-ish" Christmas...which he enjoyed much. 

Okay, so this was a present for my Birthday (Oct. 17th)...not Christmas...but I still LOVE it. My Step-mother painted it and fixed it up for me...Love you Marty! 

See what I mean about a mountain of clothes to fold...my son is hiding somewhere in there too...Look reall hard! 

Why I gained about 400lbs while I was in New Orleans...You can see Rogue Wit in the back ground digging in...God, it was delish! 

Awe...their window shopping! "Now kids, you can look but...DON'T TOUCH!" 

My kids favorite game... Tackle Uncle Deez Nuts...he most usually looses due to their ganging up on him. 

That's my son Aiden...Ain't he a doll? 

That's me after right after having my daughter...you see how much pain I was in. 

Look very close at Smokey Smurf's top lip... 

My God, that's an old picture! 

"The ANT Lion Wars"

Did anyone else besides me and my siblings play with ant lions when you were young?
I remember it well. Smokey Smurf, Crack-head (my addict brother…you know the one who got $5 to let another man suck his twig), and myself played outside a lot. As in… “the parents didn’t want us inside causing problems.” So, we were outside in the back yard from sun rise to sun set.
Our garage was located inside our back yard…which was okay considering that no one parked cars in it. My Dad had turned it into a Dojo (sp?) because he worked out for hours after he got home from work. He used to teach martial arts in Illinois.
We had a cellar in the back yard as well. God, we played in that thing all the time…even with the spiders and other creepers everywhere (it’s Oklahoma…you have to have a cellar if you want to survive tornado season).
And we had a club-house-type-thingy. It…uh…well, you see my dad fancied himself “the builder” and threw a couple of pieces of wood together and some bigger pieces of wood on top of that. It was actually okay. Underneath the “club house” was a sand pit. Now we played more in that damn thing than in the upper level. The upper level was actually more of a resort for our friends when they came over. None of them fancied the “sand pit” as it was crawling with spiders and other bugs…this is probably the source of my “insect/spider phobia” (I’ll have to remember to mention that to the shrink should it be necessary to convince a jury that I am, indeed, crazy).
Now when you come from a large family, as I did, you learn to entertain yourself. Especially if you don’t know what is going to get you in trouble from day to day. Yes, outside was best. And we liked to have wars and build sand castles in the “pit.”
I had my Thunder Cat toys and some Ninja Turtles and a few of those “muscle men” (if anyone remembers those…slip me some skin, man).

Smokey Smurf had some “muscle men” as well and her smurfs and Barbies.

Crack-head had some GI Joe and some Thunder Cats and I can’t remember what else…I think some Star Wars figures.
So we each went about building our little castles at different junctions in the sand pit and the game began. Let me say that my Thunder Cats were mighty and it usually took an alliance of the Smurf kingdom and the Dark kingdom to defeat them. (Bastards…always ganging up on me)
One day…and I don’t remember what day it was…I’m getting old alright. We were in the midst of battle and one of us screamed (and not a bloody death or battle cry of the game…and it could have been anyone of us as we [even crack-head] could scream bloody murder). After the moment of hysteria passed we see this weird creature in the sand. And just like a bunch of kids…we ran like a crack-whore from her pimp.
My oldest brother (we’ll call him) Narc (LOL), came to see what was wrong and why we had disturbed the peaceful quietness of the inside world with shrieks and tears. It was then he informed us that it was an “ant lion” and showed us how to find where they lived so we could steer clear of them in the future.
Well, that should be where it ended but, we are a sick and twisted lot so…no. Crack-head sparked an idea…Our kingdoms would draw up a peace treaty and we should set about building an arena. I mean, the Romans had “lion matches” right…so same thing… “ant lion matches.”
So off to the sand pit we raced to build our arena and Crack-head went to get some “ant lion cages” (which looked surprisingly like Dixie bathroom cups). This was the start of the “ant lion wars.” We would dig them out of their den and force them to fight for the amusement of the three kingdoms.
Ah…good time, good times…

The Funniest Shit EVER!

Okay, so I have been posting A LOT here lately...

Well, because, I am bored. I could be doing more constructive things as in: folding the Mountains of laundry that has accumulated in the corner of my bed room; or like cleaning out my refrigerator seeing as how it still contains left-overs from Thanks Giving. Yes, Yes...I admit it. I HATE cleaning the fridge and I don't do it more than once every few months. I do, however, make exceptions when I get bitten by some unidentifiable creature (that suspiciously looks like broccoli casserole) and will then go through and clean the toxic waste dump that I feed my children from. Hey, what doesn't kill them makes them stronger...Right?

Anyway, so I'm not folding clothes because I still have, what is now closer to, a large hill of laundry in which to wash (I can only deal with one mountain at a time and it has taken me days to turn it from mountain to hill {I can't imagine not being able to do laundry after 7pm...stupid bitch land-lady, I feel for you Babs}). And I'm not cleaning the fridge because...Well, I'll make it my New Year's Resolution.

That being said, I am bored! So I have been bothering everyone I can on the Net rather than my poor "already bothered" husband, Rogue Wit. And I ran across the best shit ever! You have to check this shit out!

LOVE

How can love be,

When love cannot see,

For it is said that love is blind.

How can you love me,

When you do not know me,

Mixed up emotions our hands they do bind.

How can you kiss me,

And speak, oh, so sweetly,

As I hold myself prisoner inside my mind.

Just know that I love you,

And appritiate what you do,

For love, it is also said, is kind.

The Royal Children:

Alright!

My Brother-In-Law, Deez Nuts, has posted the picture of my kiddies on Christmas. If you remember I posted the hystericalness of it all here.

"Damn it, it makes me giggle!"

So What The Hell IS A Bathroom Window For?

I wonder what brilliant architect thought up the “bathroom window.” True I like to stare out the windows of my home (as you will note from my first post this morning) and I can see the need for fumigation after Rogue Wit comes home for his daily reading. That man is like clock work and he’s particular of where he does “his reading.” Every day after work I get half a conversation and then I hear, “I’m off to the library.” So, yeah, maybe a window would help that but,…and I mean a big stinky butt, our bathroom window does not open. And there is really no reason for the damned thing anyway. Our bathroom is tiny and they stuck the window in the shower.
Okay, so my seventeen year old neighbor may not mind this fact but, I do. The only consolation that I have is that I’m just short enough that my bountiful breasteses are just below the window. We used to have a curtain and blinds but, the fact is I HATE cleaning that kind of shit. Please…I already have to do around 5 loads of laundry a day because of the pigs I live with and then let’s add a daily bathroom chore. I clean the toilet once a week and the rugs get washed every two to three weeks unless they start smelling moldy. I take the trash out every day and wash the sink some times twice a day. My husband cleans the shower and bath tub because he’s tall and I’m not going to stand naked in the tub balancing on a wobbly chair even if my husband thinks it’s amusing. So there is no curtain or blinds. That means, my dear friends, that I have to resist the urge to jump about and frolic in our two by three inch shower/tub…or risk having the neighbors snapping some interesting pictures of me. Not that much of a problem except when I’m in a cheery mood and have the shower radio on…and, what is this?! It’s my song…and the dancing begins.
Rogue Wit like it when I take the little sack that the children left me and make it talk to him. If I do it just right and lean up against the foggy glass shower door I can make a pretty damn good smiley face print. Thank God no one has a picture of that, lol…Now if I could, I would get you a picture of Rogue Wit doing the same thing…Only it looks like one of those Grouch-O Marx disguises with-out the glasses…LOL!
I’m going to be in trouble for that one…hehehe

Okay...if you want a really good laugh you have to head over to Bab's site. I was in fucking tears with the "I bet he know's what a regular 69 is" part.

What has become of me

Two years ago I was working as a CNA on the 2nd floor of Jim Thorpe Rehabilitation Hospital.

We worked mostly with Knee and Hip surgeries but, our floor also specialized in Quads and

Paraplegics (sp?). I'm 26 and have been an aid for almost 10 years...ya'll do the math. I love

working in hospitals.

The nurses have always loved me. I get what needs to be done done, on time, and correctly the

first time. My parents are both nurses and I grew up around it. They would've killed me if I

turned out to be one of those lazy aids who wasn't worth their weight in dead clown shit.

This has been a problem for me at times though. You see I have 'such a mouth' on me and I

know I am the bomb, baby, yeah. So when I feel as if I've been dumped on or am being taken

advantage of I speak my mind...Especially if I'm in the right! I hate to say that when work is

concerned I usually am.

We had two head nurses (yeah, go ahead and make the joke...It is funny and I've always

enjoyed it). The one nurse I absolutely loved and the other was a complete bitch. They both

loved me. And why not, they never had to tell me it was time for my rounds as I was already in

the midst of doing them. If they needed a blood pressure on a hard patient they didn't have to

worry either. Even if I had to grab the Doppler to get a pulse I could get an accurate

reading...So they didn't have to double check my work. Even if I wasn't their aid I would lend a

hand...I learned early if you offer help, help will be given back to you and it creates a buddy

system when you're having a bad night. My rooms were always clean and I could run circles

around most of them.

Needles to say when I have had a problem I have people to back me up because nobody wants

me to quit, LOL. Even the patients loved me because I bent over backwards for them if they

did what they needed to do.

I had only worked there for about 4 months when we got a new nurse. She was right out of

Nursing School but, I must say she was not very green. Yeah, she did have some things to learn

but, she had the knowledge and the determination to get things done. One thing about her

though...She had cerebral Palsy (sp? God, I hate spelling...I should go on to be a doctor, lol) and

was slower than some of the nurses. She wasn't a sever case but, she walked with a limp and

had to do some things differently. It didn't bother me...She got things done and though it took a

few more minutes they were done properly. That's all I've ever been concerned about...Doing

things right.

The other aids and nurses were bitching about her "slowness" the one night as we walked the

"mile" to and from the adjoining hospital's cafeteria. I got pissed off. First off, if you're going to

talk shit on someone you should have the balls to do it where they can defend themselves and

not snickering behind their backs. Second not one of them was bitching about anything that

made any kind of difference as to her performing her job.

So I said as much...And shame on them for kicking someone with a disability. After all we

worked at a rehab center to help people function with their disabilities and yet they are making

fun and bitching about a nurse who can do her job with just such a disability?! They should be

praising her accomplishments because I know that several of the bitches talking smack about

her couldn't do their damned job right if it weren't for the rest of the bitches kicking in. And

here this other nurse is doing it all by herself and correctly.

They all just looked at me and no one spoke another word for the remainder of the walk. Hell, I

didn't care...They did need to think about it.

So when we got back to the floor I took "the nurse" outside and ate lunch with her. It turns out

we're both Librans and share a lot of stuff incommon. We've talked ever since...Her husband is

just like mine even.

I just got done talking with her, as a matter of fact, which prompted this post.

She had to have surgery on her leg again for her "CP" and now they've found some sort of

tumor on her ovary. She has to wait about a week before they find out if it is cancerous or not.

So I'll be heading over there for some margaritas and a shoulder to cry on tonight. Please hope

with me that it is not cancer. This woman is the one who talked me into going back to school to

get my RN and I owe her a lot. Mostly the fact that she showed me her paycheck one night and

I about fainted...Which is what made my mind up to head back to school. Yeah, I definitely want

to make about $2000 every two weeks because my husband doesn't make even as much as the

one paycheck for the whole month and we're stretching it across him, myself, and our two

children's living expenses. Sad but, it was what motivated me to go back to school...My goal is to

not have to worry about "getting the bills paid" and "having grocery money left over" and "gas

money left over." That and I'm so poor that the government is giving me all the grant and

scholarship money I need to go to school.

Hey Babs, Rathwel, Ya'll should see if you qualify for some grants and stuff...Yeah school sucks

but it means more money! Just a thought.

...And said, "What a nosy bitch am I"

Alright, so every three or four months I feel the need to travel the world...To go and try different things...To see things I've only heard about...To soar above my poor little house and feel the magic of pixie dust in my hair.

...But, we're a poor lot and the best I can do is re-arrange the furniture. This drives Rogue Wit CRAZY!

I'm not sure why but, it does. He should be used to it because his Mother suffers from the same problem. Yet, Rogue Wit would like to come home to "white" walls and the furniture lining every wall and in the same place. HA!

1) I hate white walls in a house...I'm doing my best to be practical as I haven't spent the money we don't have on the paint. (But tax time is coming and this room will be a nice shade of green!)

2) I suffer from cabin fever as well. I get cranky if I don't get to be out of the house to do more than just grocery shopping. There was a time before I had my 2nd child that my daughter and I were gone for at least a few hours during the day. Whether it be to the park or one of my sister's or my best-friend's, I can't stand feeling trapped in. My daughter is the same way now and yet we are trapped in.

You see, we are down to one car (we have two but my husband's [baby] 65 mustang pony GT is a piece of crap and a gas guzzler as well and he won't sell it and we can't afford to fix it up either...Until I get out of school and then if he can fix that monster then he and the kids can go for it). I know ya'll are saying...Well, you should be happy to have "a" car at all. Yes, we are...Believe me we are.

The thing that sucks is:

1) My husband has to have the car for work and so I can't just drop him on [except on special occasions and then he hears about it, I'm sure]

2) There are things that I need to do on occasion--necessary things--not just things that will get me out of the house.

A) Freakin' WIC appointments because the kids need those stupid vouchers that buy us milk, eggs, and cheese

B) Some things can only be done during the weekdays/in the morning for my college {enrolling, speaking with heads of programs...}

C) Taking the kids to get their shots

D) Taking the kids to a doctor's appointment/or myself

3) This is Oklahoma and we live miles from anywhere we need to go

...So I guess I could take a cab--but we can't afford it being that some appointments are in another town and that is way too costly for our poor selves.

The only good thing is that a 15 minute walk with the kids (on each hip...You see why I do my shopping at the 24hr Wal-mart...After the kids are in bed and the husband is home) can get us to the corner gas station. Yeah, it's several corners down...I know they say Texas is big (and it is...Like a Down Syndrome kid {hehe}) but so is Oklahoma.

So...Seeing as how I'm stuck here in the house until after 5 everyday I have to pretend to be somewhere else...And moving around the furniture helps along my fantasy and makes me less cabin-fever-cranky.

Yet, as he comes home to see what I'm doing he has a fit and so...I being who I am...Give him the general idea and then say...

"Do you have a better suggestion? I have to have room in here for the damn rocking chair!" (it's been hidden in the kids room since we've had roommates and I'm not giving it up again...I love to read and study in that chair. It's my 'thinking chair.')

And guess what folks? He did.

I even have my desk right infront of the windows so I can feed my nasty addiction of "spying on the neighbors." I'm freakin' nosy okay...This is what happens when I'm stuck at home and have to listen to Spongebob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer all freakin' day long!

Besides, when we first moved in here the people across the street and three houses to the left went through some shit!. For about a week the rest of the neighbors (myself included) had to call the cops on them every night about 3-4am because, they would be outside and fighting/screaming/yelling/breaking shit--very freakin' loudly.

A few weeks later their kids got taken away from them. I was pissed off about that...Hell, no one even knew they had kids.

Then a few weeks later I see the NARC squad pull up with their K9's in tow and have the neighbors cuffed and sitting on the lawn as they go threw the house. I don't know what they found, only that they found something. It was then that they were taken to jail and evicted.

I love to watch people! We as a species are very interesting or in the very least, entertaining.

Smurf-a-tity Smurf!

Well, I just heard from Smokey Smurf that her "man toys" are firm but, not broken.

This was extremely good news for her as she didn't want to have them deflated and be back in band-aids. LOL

So I'd like to give a shout out to my little sister's tits!

"May they be perky till death!"

...and it's promising to be a Happy New Year.

She Was Brave (5th Part)

“…The biggest thing to remember is that most people know they should be taking extra

precautions when it’s hot out. The fact is simply that most people do not use their knowledge

and follow through. It’s simple enough to prevent but, once you’ve passed the heat exhaustion

stage a stroke is imminent and requires immediate medical attention as it can result in death.

“Heat cramps, Heat exhaustion, and Heat stroke…I want a six page paper on the hows, the

whys, and the best course of action for each. If you wish, you can create a scenario as long as

you meet all of the guide lines I’ve listed on the hand out. It’s due in two weeks. We are having

the test next week and I’ll give the review when we meet next. The only bonus I will give,

before any of you ask, is a ten point bonus for turning in your paper on test day instead of the

week after. Any questions?...

“Okay, I’ll see you day after tomorrow.”

Traci was glad to see them all go. She was also very glad that they had not asked any

questions. Her mind had been so distracted all day and while it was easy to recite a lecture,

answering questions required her total concentration. Especially with some of the brilliant ones

in her class and she used that word loosely. She just hoped that she’d never have one of them

trying to administer first aid on her. It crossed her mind that she would have better luck just

waiting for the ambulance to arrive than to chance it with these future medics. Traci was going

to have to really drill it into their heads if they were going to pass. So far only a hand full of her

students could properly perform CPR and the Heimlich maneuver. It would be better if she

had them for more than twice a week but, that was what college was all about. The work must

come from the student. Professors only had to present the information in an understandable

way.

As she began to grade her morning class’s pop quiz, Traci heard her cell phone ring. The

thought crossed her mind to just turn the damn thing off but, she knew who was calling. All the

more reason to ignore it, you twit.

“Hello.”

“Are you planning on coming home at a reasonable hour tonight?”

“What, no ‘I love you, dear’ or ‘how are things going’?” Oh yeah, this was going to be one hell

of a fight. Why did she always have to make it worse?

“Look, I got a call from the school to come pick up the kids…”

“Oh, no! Wait right there buddy. This is your day to pick them up. You know that. This is

my late class and I won’t be home for another hour. Don’t blame your forgetfulness on me. I

do what is required.” Shit, let’s just dig a deeper hole while we’re at it. Traci’s mouth was

going

to get her killed one day.

“…You know I don’t have time to take off for that kind of thing and..”

“That kind of thing! That thing would be your children. I didn’t make them by myself and

you

will make time for them. So, go pick them up! You can yell at me all you want to later but, I

am

at work and I will not…will not be spoken to like this. I’ve had this job for a couple of years now

and this has always been my late night so there is really no excuse for you’re forgetting about

your children! Good-bye.”

Oh yeah, it was going to be a fun night. Dena and Antwan were right. Don is just picking fights

now. This was totally absurd and Traci couldn’t put up with it any longer. New job or not she

was going to lay it out on the line…Tonight. She couldn’t live with a man like him any longer,

the man he had become. Screw it! I can grade this shit at home later but, right now…I’m going

out for a drink. The bastard! Those are his children too and it’s the only time they get to see

him really. He doesn’t fucking care. Well, it’ll be the last time he has to be put out by “spending

the evening” with them. He’ll be spending the evening elsewhere.

She Was Brave (4th Part)

“Mornin’ beautiful.”

“Hey, Antwan. Dena, you two really need to quit playing Nanny. It’s not that I don’t

appreciate it…it’s just…”

“It’s just what? You don’t want to visit with your two best friends over coffee before work?”

Traci sighed aloud. They knew what she was about to say and the conversation that would take

place, yet again. They would bait the hook and she would always bite, like a good little fish. If

only they hadn’t known each other from practically the beginnings of their lives…Not she would

have it any other way.

“So, what? You want me and Dena to leave?” God, did Antwan really have to look like such a

sad little puppy when he wanted his way?

“It’s just that Don thinks I don’t need to have people over all the time. He said if I needed the

help we could hire a house keeper or a cook or something. I don’t think he understands that

we’re just so close we’re practically family, ya know?” Okay, so she was pleading with them in a

way to keep the same “talk” from taking place yet once again. By the looks on their faces, Traci

figured it hadn’t done any good.

“Oh, so Don thinks that we’re your servants. I see.”

“You know, Trace, I don’t think he wants you to have friends. He made you stop with the

tutoring you were doing because you spent too much time with students. You had to drop out

of the PTA because he thought you were being too intrusive with the kids schooling. You even

had to stop going to that Bible study that you started with the pastor’s wife…do you even still

go to that Church anymore?”

“Stop it! I did quit but, it was only because it was putting stress on our marriage by way of my

being gone so much, okay?! We don’t get to spend a lot of time with each other and it has

required some personal sacrifices.”

“Yeah, yours.”

“Uh-hum…what exactly has he had to sacrifice…I mean besides having sex with his wife.”

“Dena! That’ll be quite enough! …Look, I’ve got to get the kids up. I don’t want you guys to

leave me okay…just wait here till I get the kids up and to school and we can talk.” Traci had

just taken a big bite of bait just like a good little fish. Hook, line, and sinker. It didn’t matter

what they said really. She always wanted them around and had told Don as much. He had

been totally pissed off and told her to loose them. It was the one thing she was firm about with

him. Dena and Antwan were the only family she had, even if they weren’t blood. The one

concession she had made with Don was that she’d ask them to ease up on the visiting. Though,

what did it matter? He was never around to see that they were here anyway.

Sighing once again, Traci made her way up the stairs to the children’s rooms. To her

amazement they were both up and nearly dressed. Her little angels! Tamara and Matthew

were her one ray of sunshine this morning. Tam was getting to be a real pro at dressing herself

and had helped Matt get dressed as well. That is, unless her four year old had figured out how

to tie his shoes during the night.

“Wow! You guys look great. Good job, are we ready to go to school?”

“We’re hungry Momma. I smelled the bacon and now my tummy smells it too.”

“Well, we have to hurry up then if we’re going to eat before we leave. It’s getting late. Maybe

we can make a plate to go? How’s that?” Tam looked stricken. She loved sitting with Dena and

Antwan in the morning and eating breakfast with her little brother. Traci could see her fighting

tears but, she was such a good selfless girl.

“Okay Momma but, can I have Dena make mine up?” Traci was touched beyond words. She

would never comply with Don’s request now. Dena and Antwan were just as much a joy to her

children as they were to her.

She grabbed up both the kids and their bags and raced down stairs after hugging the poor

things to death.

If they wanted to sit a few minutes with Dena and Antwan then, by God, they could. She’d just

talk with their teacher and have them excused for being a little late. It was one thing to have

her own joy stolen from her but; she wouldn’t steal that joy from her children.

“Okay, kids…we’ll eat before we go. And if we’re late then we’re late and I’ll talk with your

teachers okay.” Yeah, they were okay.

The Perfect Husband (I loved this email)

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings
and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up.The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.Then he smiles and asks:

"Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

The Day After Christmas

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
A Freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry


On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Seven hot men cleaning,
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Eight minutes of resting,
Seven hot men cleaning,
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Nine pampered Chefs,
Eight minutes of resting,
Seven hot men cleaning,
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
A ten minute quickie,
Nine pampered Chefs,
Eight minutes of resting,
Seven hot men cleaning,
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Eleven blue tarantulas,
A ten minute quickie,
Nine pampered Chefs,
Eight minutes of resting,
Seven hot men cleaning,
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

On the day after Christmas
No one gave to me…
Twelve hours of baby sitting,
Eleven blue tarantulas,
A ten minute quickie,
Nine pampered Chefs,
Eight minutes of resting,
Seven hot men cleaning,
Six Chip-N-Dale dancers,
Five gold rings!
Four flying craps,
Three back massages,
Two dishes clean,
Or a freakin’ hand
With the laundry

WHAT IS OUR "SAFE" WORLD COMING TOO

Yeah, yeah...Don't say it. I shall stop you before you question this.

As I mentioned to Rathwel, I received a new curling iron (at least I think I mentioned it to

him...Hmmm...I haven't had my coffee yet, God, I'm so addicted to the damn thing) for

Christmas.

The curling iron I owned (I threw it out last night, YAY!) I have had since the 8th grade [I just

turned 26 October 17th]. So when my Mother-In-Law (I still don't know how I got so lucky

with good In-Laws) asked me what I wanted for Christmas I responded by saying...

"I want girlie stuff. I'm almost out of all of my lotions and make up and by curling iron is on

death-row."

She laughed. Apparently, she had a wonderful time shopping for me. You see she only had the

two boys and never got to do the frilly stuff that she would've had she had a girl. (LOL, and I'm

such a lady!)

When I gave her a granddaughter she told me she was twice blessed (which I cried on my

husband's shoulders about...I'm still getting used to all of this easily shown emotion crap, and

now I cry all the time...hehehe, go figure).

...So on with the story! [good idea ,Boabhan Sith, no one wants to hear all of that crap..]

The first gift she handed me turned out to be a very nice curling iron (with a soft grip {just like

my husbands...LOL}). I got a lot of (much needed) girlie stuff including a gift certificate for a set

of nails and one fill! Wow...I haven't had that done since I got married.

I didn't open my new curling iron until last night (this shows how much I still primp, hehehe).

When I opened it I couldn't help but notice this thing that fell to the floor. What is it you say? It

was none other than an "instructions booklet" on how to use you curling iron. I don't

remember having one with my first iron [but it's been ages ago so I don't remember (not to

mention to I was a pot-head supreme back then)]...So I decide I'll read it.

You know, what the hell...I might as well and it wasn't like it'd take me more than about 5

minutes to read it [it was even in about 7 different languages...Just encase].

I am hysterical at some of the instructions. Then I really laugh when I get to the "warnings."

The one that really got me was warning #6: Do not use while asleep.

Yup, that's right...Don't use it while you are asleep folks.

I don't know about you but, I am unable to use a curling iron...Or anything for that matter

while asleep. Yet, I think...If you are damned cool enough to do anything while asleep then I

say go for it. I mean, that's a talent even if I do say so myself. Hell, if they can curl their hair

while asleep I think we should be taping it...Recording it...Hell, watching it. It'll be a new show.

We can call it: While You Were Sleeping (yeah, just like that movie with Bill Pullman[sp?]).

Or....While you were out (LOL), oh wait...That's already taken.

What is this world coming too when we have to have directions that are stupid beyond

words...On curling irons? For that matter, when did they start putting directions on a bar of

soap? If you don't know what to do with soap, then my friend, you probably really stink and

need some kind of mental help before you graduate to washing yourself.

(sigh) It's hard being one of the brilliant people.

My Christmas Present from my Husband

Okay, so I'm a romantic, a hopeless romantic and my husband knows this for he suffers from the same affliction.
I, therefore, forgive him for sending both of the presents he ordered to his parents house instead of here...This time. Though it still chaps my hide.
You see this is the first Christmas that we've been able to buy eachother something. We have a very, very, very fixed income and don't get to splurge. I got some extra grant money from school that helped us to get some extra stuff for eachother (although I still think he shouldn't have spent so much money on me [but, he's forgiven}). Usually we just buy for the kids and have what the family buys for us. We both decided that since we're the adults we can do without but, kids don't understand that concept (very well anyway) and it's more important to buy for them than for eachother. This has always led to our making eachother a gift. Now when I say making a gift I must say that we're both creative enough that they're wonderful gifts. One year for Christmas my husband gave me our wedding picture etched in glass with a beautiful frame he found. It makes things more special when you put the extra work into it. I know some people thing that's crap and would rather have store bought stuff but, anyone can buy something at the store if they have money. That doesn't take talent...Just money and we don't have much of that later (money).
Yet, this year (after all of the shit that we've been through [Rogue Wit being without a job for several months due to his place of employment shutting down and then playing catch up for several months because of that]) God smiled down on us. Granted it wasn't a lot of money but, I've learned to make any money last.
So I asked Santa for a new wallet because, my old (plastic) wallet that I got close to four years ago was starting to come apart at the seems. But Santa decided that wasn't enough and got me a book too.
Yup, a book but, no ordinary book. He got me a Customized Classic book starring myself and himself based on Romeo and Juliet. I came close to tears...And I don't cry often (though it seems that as of late I am constantly in tears...Damn hormones).
I am hopelessly in love with my husband even after all these years...I hope the spark doesn't die anytime soon.

Merry Christmas Too Me...and my husband and my kids and the whole freakin' world...God Bless Us, Everyone!

I've laughed so hard my sides are sore!

My daughter got a box of dress-up gowns (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White dresses). Well, my son felt left out. He brought me the "blue" gown and begged to wear it...I complied much to my husbands horror. HE'S ONLY TWO YEARS OLD...none of my friends turned gay from wearing a dress at the age of two. He could just be showing his "transvestite tendencies."

Anyway, after I dress him up in the "Cinderalla" gown [which is blue] he grabbed my Mother-In-Laws high heels and pranced around with his hands over his head. It kind of reminded me of a ballerina doing that twirly thingy. The best part was watching him try to manuver up onto the bench in the dress. The poor, poor boy...my heart went out to him because I know how it is...he had to hike up the front of his dress to climb up on the bench. I've watched my daughter do this on many occassions but, it is just so much funnier as it is my son this time.

We had a long discussion about the "gay" issue. First off, girls are encouraged to play with boy things so that they will be more independant. With this being so, it is not shared with the idea of having boys play with girls stuff. Both of my brothers played with girls stuff and neither of them are gay [well, one we know for sure isn't...the other one is questionable as he let some other man give him a BJ for only $5...that's right $5, hell my husband doesn't even get one for less than a couple Benjamins {even my mother (whom he told as well) couldn't get over the fact that he only got $5 out of the deal} "Yeah, well I got a pack of beer too." Oh yeah, that makes it okay...(sigh)]. Anyway, off the subject again...I just don't believe all of that crap about "making" someone gay or for that matter...of the whole gay thing to begin with...it's just not my cup of, urm, tea(?). {cup of something, anyway} I am now and have always been "strictly dickly" and though I can look at another woman and say..."yeah she's beautiful," it does not imply that I want to try some "fur pie." I was even brought up to be a "Tom Boy" and could catch a snake at the age of 7 (just don't throw a bug at me).

The point is, worrying so much about that kind of thing puts stress on the child and I believe it leads to rebellion and yada...yada...yada...

He's only two!...and he makes such a cute girl, you should see what those heels do for his legs. As it is, Rogue Wit didn't allow me to take a picture but,....but, DeezNuts (Rogue Wit's brother) took one for me...because, well, what are brothers for, huh? So he'll be posting it on his site in a few days...Keep and eye out for them...hehehe.

I have gotten to spend two separate Christmas get-togethers with my little sister, Smokey Smurf this year. It was wonderful...and Smokey Smurf actually showed up about 5 minutes early! I nearly had a heart-attack; as I've previously mentioned before, my family is OIT (on Indian time) and we're never on time...let alone early! [that is for anything other than work and then we're always like 30minutes to an hour early...don't want to piss off the boss]

My step-sister is now 7months pregnant and when she waddled in [and I do mean waddled] I made a comment about such. The entire room became quiet as all eyes went from me to her. You could tell what they were thinking:

...I hope she isn't having a mood swing

...I'm backing up because when insulted, pregnant women can attack pretty damn fast

...Damn, Devona, use some tact!

It was then my step-sister laughed and said, "Damn it, what is this pick on the pregnant woman day?"

"Hey, I've had two pregnancies...I'm allowed to poke fun. Try getting stuck in a boothe at a restaraunt and having your husband laugh at your ass because you can't get out...that's being mean. I was just acknowledging the cute little way you walked. At least I didn't say you've gotten bigger like you husband did." Hysterical laughter errupts and all eyes shift to her husband as if to say..."Dumb-ass!"

LOL...we had alot of fun last night until the children began to scream and we had to leave.

Merry Christmas to everyone!...we're going to the In-Laws in a few minutes.

...Just so I won't "Die Painfully"

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Mom

2. Boabhan Sith
3. Devona

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

1. L8ybug 1017
2. scoobydubious

3. Boabhan Sith

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. I am who I am (no one has been able to change my ass yet)

2. I’m artsy/craftsy

3. I like my hair

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My ugly feet

2. My elf nose

3. My lack of tactfulness and my over use of the same

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1.Losing my kids

2.The Dark (you can only see 3% of what's going on around you with the lights on...it's less without the light!)
3.Not achieving my goals (…I have so much to do and so little time/money!)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Coffee

2. Pop (Sunkist or Pepsi…I’m not a Dr. Pepper nazi)

3. Reading/Writting

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1.underwear

2. yellow hoodie
3. a stupid grin

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):

1.John Mayer (I know he’s ugly but I can look past that with a voice such as his)
2.Korn

3.Spuirl-Nut-Zippers (I had to fight to keep from putting Hootie and the Blowfish…yup…I love them)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:

1.Daughters (John Mayer)

2.Your So Cold (Breaking Benjamin)
3.Mocking Bird (Eminem)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:

1.I want to learn to make soap from scratch

2.Sleeping through the night—all night—without waking up till the sun shines in

3.uhm…well, only my husband knows the answer to this last one…hehehe

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or ****same***) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. Hands—rough man hands (uh-huh, huh, huh, huh… “you sand rough”)

2.Strong Noses (like on David Duchovnie [sp?] or Tu Pac)
3. Shoulders—I like broad He-man shoulders!

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:

1. Make fart noises under my arms (Smokey Smurf has it down to a science and can even use her knee-pit…damn it)

2. Speak Spanish (I took Spanish I and II…I even made A’s in the class but I can’t speak more than to say, “Tu madre es una vaca de deablo.” Now how is that going to help me out in life?!)

3. Swallow (LOL…this is so much fun, tee-hee)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Arts and crafts (namely scuplting)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Uhm…I can’t say that here (damn my head is in the gutter this morning)

2. Sleep (I’ll second that motion)

3. Go on a billion dollar shopping spree

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:

1. Nurse
2. Author
3. Evil Scientist

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1.Scotland
2Salem (on Halloween…just for the witchy atmosphere)
3.Canada (Hell, I’m happy to just be able to go on vacation)

THREE KID'S NAMES:

1.Anes (I knew a guy named that and I just loved to “mispronounce” it, “accidentally”…hehehe, needles to say Anus, oops I mean Anes just loved me)
2.Ben Dover (more chuckling)

3. Mike Hunt (Ha-Ha)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1.See the Rose Castle in Scotland (I’m a descendant you know)

2.Have several books published and be more famous than Stephen King

3.Learn to pee like a man

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:

1. …
2. …
3. …It’s Christmas Eve and I’m not going to punish anyone but, Smokey Smurf

She Was Brave (3rd Part)

Seven thirty in the morning and the alarm echoed in her pounding head. Traci reached over to turn it off. Don was already gone, to work no doubt. But there was doubt. Oh, she could just kick herself for sounding like a silly teenage girl. She wasn’t even out of bed and there she was accusing. Maybe Don was right? Maybe, she just was feeling insecure because he was gone more now? He is under a lot of stress and that explains his lack of libido and his need for extra sleep. Upset with herself, Traci headed off to take a hot shower and try to feel normal. That’s what it was; they just both needed more rest. After all having a six year old girl and a four year old boy on top of having already stressful careers was exhausting. It was just that simple. They would work things out like they always did and she would have her happily ever after. Her moonlight sessions with a glass of wine were taking their toll on her mentality.
The water was hot and steamy and she dropped the robe carelessly on the floor and stepped in. Hot was good; steamy was good and it was what she needed to clear the cobwebs of sleep from her mind. After applying the conditioner to her hair, Traci stood with her back to the water and let it cascade over her bare back. Water was wonderful for soothing tension. She just might have to get herself a hot tub like Dena had suggested. It’s not like she didn’t have the money. With that she laughed. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that she would ever be anything but poor and abused. Why would she even think about giving that up because Don was gone more often than usual? During the night it all seems so clear, but during the day light it was hard to understand why she was feeling as she did. Traci was practical. After all she was respected nurse and professor. Deciding it must be one to many of those lifetime movies she was watching, Traci rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and stepped out of the shower. She didn’t have to much time to get dressed and take the kids to school and daycare. Her day was going to be ever so busy and she wasn’t going to let it get the better of her.
Down stairs, Dena had already let herself in. She and Antwan were already cooking breakfast for herself and the rest of the kids.

She Was Brave (2nd part)

The moon was a strange blue tonight. Devyn had been restless this night and wandered the land with supernatural speed. Something was pulling him, compelling him. Centuries had gone by and he had never felt such a compulsion. Not until a few weeks ago and it was every night since then. It was a loneliness that closely matched his own. A deep empty void. He had to find what was filling the night with such pain.
Devyn had been in search of prey when he felt the call tonight. The nights had become as one long endless night. Every century that went by the world made more changes, but with everything new it had all been done before. Not the technologies of course, but people were people and very little about the species had changed. After all, he had been human once. He had a wife and child once. He had loved and felt things once. That was why he now found himself searching for something he couldn’t put into words. Feelings so deep he couldn’t ignore them. And he was getting closer with every night.
After his kind lived for more than a century or two they began to grow bitter and power hungry. He was not any better and he was very old. Devyn had fought many nights with others of his race for the supremacy of their pecking order. He had only found small joys in winning. This was not the life he had ever wanted and had searched up until the last hundred years for a meaning to his life, for someone to love and some one to love him. These last ten years or so his hope had completely left him and he turned to ruling the dark kingdom. And was very close to his goal, only the wizards were yet to bow to his authority.
The night was nearly gone and he would have to find hotel accommodations. The pull was very strong now and he was going to need his strength if he was to end his search tomorrow. And Devyn was determined to find what he was searching for before the next dawn. His powers were not as strong during the day and he couldn’t afford to fall into one of the wizards traps.
He came thundering down from the sky without a sound and landed in front of an old inn. Rest was something he needed badly and he didn’t have the comfort of his home land’s soil to rest above. This would have to do. At least he had fed well this night and would not be so drained by the sun that he would not be able to hear the strange call should it come again.
The old man at the desk had been quite indifferent as to Devyn’s specific needs. He gave Devyn a room in which the morning sun wouldn’t seep into the room. No doubt the old man thought that it was simply that he would sleep better in a dark room. No matter, the sun wouldn’t deplete him of his strength while he rested and maybe he wouldn’t have to feed upon this rising so he could continue his search. Devyn knew he was getting closer. But to what? It didn’t feel like a trap, but then again it didn’t feel like anything he’d ever felt before. Anything different was worth exploring, especially now.

She Was Brave

She woke up in a cold sweat and reached for the night light. It was three in the morning. Traci

rolled over and looked at her husband of seven years. Don was sound asleep and snoring as

always. She found her slippers and robe and went down stairs for a drink. Maybe she was

turning into an alcoholic? The last few weeks Traci found herself awake and alone in the early

morning hours with a glass of wine. Her friends told her there wasn’t anything wrong with

having a glass of wine to put herself back to sleep. But Traci knew better. She had never liked

to drink before.

This was not the life she had envisioned for herself when she had gotten

married. She had two beautiful children and a husband. Yet, she was always alone.

With a heavy sigh, she walked out onto the patio. The night was beautiful! That was the one

saving grace in her lonely existence; the nights in the country were welcoming. Especially in

the fall with the moon shining over the amber colored leaves; the yard was a masterpiece of

silvers and golds and coppers. Mother Nature was at her finest and surely God had made this

place just for her. The night brought her peace like nothing else could. It was her very own

little piece of heaven. And yet, it wasn’t heaven while she stood there alone. Traci looked up at

the sliver blue moon and let out her breath in exasperation.

I’m so lonely. Isn’t there anybody

out there who will take me away from this humiliating existence!

It was a silent plea she

found that she was unable to keep from thinking when she woke in the night. Someone was out

there for her. She would wait until her husband got his new job and the pressure was off of him

and then tell him it was over. She just couldn’t live this way. It wasn’t in her heart to be selfish

and demand a lot from him. She just wanted what she thought she and her children needed.

Traci wanted better for her children than a father who worked and went to bed. Sometimes

she wandered if he was being unfaithful to her. They hadn’t been intimate in any way for

months.

He worked for the government. Doing what, hell, she didn’t know? Don had worked

very hard to get where he was now, but the sacrifices didn’t justify the means. To Traci, they

didn’t, anyway. Their life didn’t use to be like this. Every time she brought up the subject he

told her she was just being paranoid and should stop worrying about those things. But

something wouldn’t quit gnawing at her and she learned very young to listen to her inner

warning system. That same feeling had kept her alive and many of her patients as well.

Smokey's Booby "thang"

I was twice blessed with amazing breasticles. It was to my delight that I was seemingly born

with brilliant and abundant breasts...as was my older sister. Poor Smokey Smurf, the breast

gene was used up before she was born and she was forced to wear bandaids up through even

high school (she likes the little round smiley faced ones best!).

Then when I had my first child (my beautiful daughter, Adara Jade) the breast fairy saw fit to

dance across my chest once again. At that point, I gave Dolly Parton (sp?) a run for her money.

This totally depressed Smokey Smurf and her blue flat chest that even Smurfet laughed at. It

made matters worse as I would complane about how, "they get in the way."

"You should be grateful for your breasticular sweetness...some of us have to work hard to look

like more than just a skinny drag queen!"

Yes, my husband is a lucky man.

Time flies by and Smokey Smurf's man...uhm, we'll call him the Ass Master for now...decided to

get her some tities for Valentines Day. What better of a present on Valentines

day?...chocolate...or boobs? Hmm...you be the judge.

Needless to say, Smokey Smurf was very happy with the Ass Master and his "selfless"

generosity with his gift of great endowment. And they smurfed the whole day long...

Yet, what is this? There is great unhappiness in the Smurf village! Oh no!...it seems Smokey

Smurf's "hand crafted" cleavage are on the blink. LOL

So please stop by and send her some smiles! Bless her heart...and the poor Ass Master!...it

must really be hard on him, or something sappy like that...

...it's almost Christmas...

There was a time when I remember being elated that I was out of school for the holidays. Of

course that was when I was much younger and didn't have children. It was only 10:30 or so last

night and my husband and I both heard the calling of our bed. What was weird was that I heard

the sweet tempting voice first. It is only weird because of my insomniac adventures of the last

several years that has only gotten worse. I was exhausted last night. Even with exhaustion and

the bitter cold outside I still woke many many many many many times during the night. Yet,

they were short wakes lasting only about 30 minutes each this time. The thing I just can't figure

out is...Why do I hurt so badly this morning? I feel as if I have been horribly abused in the

course of one night.

It was also my fate to have more frightful dreams last night in the fits of sleep I acquired.

Hmmm...Maybe I should quit reading before I slumber. I had visions of Rathwel's battling men

in my head...And I've got to say the one guy is hot! I just don't remember much more than that

and the fact that they disturbed me. (laugh) I'm always disturbed!

So much to do....So little time left before Santa arrives. That is if he doesn't hold the fact that

I'm Rathwel's friend against me. One of my elves told me that there had been words between

the two...Hehehe.

In The Spirit Of Christmas

How about a "White Trash Christmas"!!

So it has happened…

Somewhere between the fart jokes, joking with the boys, beating the crap out of them at Magic

the Gathering with my Elfish Rage and Unblockable Wizard deck, and marrying my gentle

giant…I have crossed over into the dark side. I’ve become fucking June Cleaver! Damn it…

how the hell did that happen? I used to be just one of the guys…okay, one really freakin’ hot

guy but…you get the picture.

I found myself in the kitchen till 1:30am this morning finishing up goody bags for my husband

to take to his Christmas party at work. First off...I guess I could use the excuse of being an

insomniac and this was an attempt to exhaust myself into slumber but, I’m not going to. You

see, my husband (Rogue Wit) told everyone he worked with that I would make my famous

stuffed peppers.
“Okay…so you’ve volunteered my services unbeknownst to me…You know how long it takes to

make that crap?”

“Yes, I’ll help.”

“Damn right you will…and we’ll talk about payment later, buddy.” (Evil smile)

So the kids went to bed early last night because my son had turned into a wobble-head…as he

had rocked himself to sleep in the chair and couldn’t find a head rest. First off, that was nice…

it’s always nice to have the house quiet and pretend to be a free-willed adult again. Yet, what

was this…my husband was in the midst of getting comfy on the couch?!

WHATEVER!

I grab the 3lb bag of jalapenos and explain to him that he’ll be hollowing them out for me. I felt

somewhat saddened as I see the defeat in his eyes while he made his way to the kitchen.

With the children in bed early I decided to make some of the candy I intend to use in the

Christmas baskets everyone is getting (see what I mean, I guess I think I’m a FUCKING

Martha Stewart or something). As I’m setting my Chocolate factory on the stove and heating

the chocolate, Rogue Wit asks…

“So how hard would it be to make some candy bags for some of the people I work with?”

“Not hard…how many’ll do ya?” See I’m a sucker for that damn man. My sister’s teased me

about my IQ dropping about 50 points whenever he came around while we were dating. And

damn it, he still has that charming smile that’ll make me do flips for him. It’s not fair!

So I go about making gingerbread-shaped, peanut-butter, chocolate candies and I can’t help

but think how sexy it is to have a man doing kitchen work. He looked so cute in his button-

down work shirt and boxer shorts sitting at the table with his tongue curled upon his top lip as

to help him concentrate. So at 1:30am I take the cream-cheese peppers wrapped with bacon

and finish up the chocolate bags and go to bed.

Yup, I’m a sucker for that damn man…

Okay, I've adopted a Smurf

The poor thing was thrown out of the village because of a mental/retard disorder.... What can I say, I'm a sucker for lost causes. If you want, you can check out a picture of my adopted Smurf.

----Knee Slapper-----

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table.

The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like.

The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like.

The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."

The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like.

The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."

The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct.

You want two bloods and a blood light?"

--Chuckle--Chuckle--

Sending Smiles Your Way

Okay, my sister is turning out to be quite the blogger. You have to check out the newest post of hers...I laughed till I thought I would cry. I have no idea where she gets this crap but, damn it, it makes me giggle!

....so click away and visit.... Smokey Smurf ...you'll be glad you did.

had to share this email...

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl!
We should've known . . .
ONLY FEMALES would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and NOT GET LOST!!!

Blackness hovers on the edges of my site. Whispering pines and oaks sound like static in my ears. Movement is not the same and I struggle to do normalities. Is this a dream?

Yes, but it seems I can never convince my subconscious (or whatever part of our mind it is that allows us to dream) that I am indeed dreaming.

I do not see myself and yet I can and I know it is I who is lost or being followed. I have a television view and yet it is from my eyes as well. My movements are leadened and I struggle to be fast.

I see in the distance a man...Tall, with broad shoulders and long dark hair. The power emanating from him is almost tangible. It's intimidating and dark, yet, I find I am intrigued and stimulated at the sight of him. Though, I already know that traveling to him is impossible. Yet, I try and am surrounded by swirling shadows and misty evil.

I look towards that dark and handsome sentinel and I see a wry smile on his hard jaw. My faltering amuses him and yet I still try to seek him out.

In the distance I hear a frightening shriek and I fade into a milky haze.
I then open my eyes to see the light shining in on me in the bed.

Yes, it was a dream. A dream brought on by insomniac-adventures, I'm sure...Yet, it plagues me today. As it seems to plague the air in the house...