Got This From Melanie's Site

What Icons are for you?(Thank you for #1!! Please check out my other Memes!!) by ladyallie
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Nick(-nack-patty-wack) Names

What is your weirdest nick name and how'd you get it?
***
If you don't have one go HERE, but don't forget to tell us how you got it.
(yes, if you had to generate a name then you have to make up a story too)
***
I'm going to wait until I have a few comments before I tell you how I got to be called "spread-eagle." So PLEASE COMMENT!!! You know I'm addicted to them. :)

What is your name number?

To find out what you name number is and it's meaning click HERE.

Weekend Astrology

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,
we love you. Happy Birthday
and may all your dreams come true!
Here’s $5. Now go get a blow job.

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
What did one Virgo say to another Virgo?
It was a trick question. You see they’re
both Virgos and there for know everything.
So they already knew what the other one
was going to say and how the other would
respond. Duh?!?

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
You sense of fashion is starting to falter.
Darling, the hair style looked great in the
book, yes, but you know you’ve got too
round of a face for that! It’s alright. Go
blow $100 and you’ll feel better.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
It looks like your moon is still stuck in the
spandex house! We’re going to have to call
in for the jaws of life! Just say no to spandex!

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
She told you it was a cock ring?? Dude, it was a
rubber band, man. Now what are you going to do
with out a dick? You really pissed her off huh?

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Way to go with the rubber band. If you ask
me, well he was asking for it. LOL…just
plead insanity and you’ll be alright. Hit the
spa this weekend and enjoy yourself.

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
A-Quar-Rius! Sorry, I’m still singing
that song. Now, all I’m seeing in my
crystal ball is a lot of smoke for you.
Hmmm…I guess you’ll be having a
good time at a crowed bar or something.
…Man I need a new crystal ball!

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
You know…you’re the “fish” sign.
Could this also be the lesbian sign?
All I’m saying is look before you
leap this weekend. Fish is pretty
good…fried.


ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
Why don’t you just have yourself
committed this weekend. Sure, it’s
not exactly like the spa, but think
of all the fun activities!

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
Anyone ever tell you, you’re hung
like a bull? I didn’t think so. I’m
in a generous mood today. Here’s
$2 get yourself a beer.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
I’m glad to see the shock therapy
is working! No more pills for you!
Get laid this weekend. Pisces and
you can try to figure out the birds
and the bees together.


CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Too much sun makes you turn
black and we don’t want Blog
Ho to eat you. Or do we?
“Munch, munch, munch!!”

To My Dear Wife

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.


I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move



=====================================================


TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Sigh...

I really don't have anything to post today...

I'm working on several things and haven't been at the computer much. I know you are so upset.
It's okay.

There is a story on the news today about a little four year old who has been badly abused. The mother had even given the kid green rubbing alcohol and told him to drink it. She pretended that it was cool-aide! They locked this poor kid in the closet and made him hold bricks for long periods of time until he dropped them on his feet. He had bruises all over his body and I'm sure much deeper ones that are unable to be seen.

I can't even describe to you the sick feeling in my stomach when I hear about these things.

I believe in the death penatly and I think that mothers who abuse their children to this degree need to be killed. Slow and painfully, that's if I had my way. I'd show them what abuse was all about. Psycho, evil, filthy, stupid, EVIL, fucked up bitches!!!

If I had the money, I would take that baby in. My eyes are tearing up right now thinking about that poor baby.

Does anyone watch The Mind of Mencia?

At the beginning of the show tonight he asked, "I wonder if gay men stop giving oral sex when they get married too?"

I've got to do some more cleaning tomorrow...
So I won't be on much, if at all either.
And by tomorrow, I mean Thursday...because....

Damn it, LOL....

Can't think, I'll finish this post tomorrow....

Sorry, I guess it didn't have much of a point.



So...


He're a pic.

Holy Hormones Bat Man!!

He's got a nice ass, but I see a man boob.

What The Hell??

I mean if you're going to have such a fantastic body everywhere else...

Shouldn't you have a manly chest.

And by that I mean less chest and more man.

Oh, well...I'm running out of pictures to post.

I'm going to have to spend some time of the web soon searching for more HOT HALF-NAKED MEN!!!

He needs to do something about the buldging veins on his arms too. (cringe)

Although, I bet I could get a good stick in that one on his hand. Practice makes perfect!!!

"My, what good veins you have...the better for me to practice starting an IV with!!"

I Only Have Eyes....For You...

I'm wondering what in the HELL!
Is this shit for real?
If it is...How does one find out that they can do such a thing?
Really...

Is this what happens when men spend time with their buddies on a weekend with no women and an endless supplie of beer?

I'm beginning to understand the "Prohibition."

God, my eyes hurt from looking at this.

On to other things...
I've been feeling out of shape of sorts (though certainly not litterally as in that above picture).
I wonder if it's nerves. I do start school in a few weeks and then I will most likely not be posting as frequently. I've got to take a couple of fast track courses so I can start the program in the spring.

I will be in class Monday-Saturday.

"Ugh!"

It'll be worth it though, right? I have to keep reminding myself how proud I will be when I dance down the isle...and I will be dancing! Make no mistake about that.

I'll likely be crying too. I'm not the "boo-hoo" type, but damn...graduating from college will be a BIG thing in my life. It's like the Holy Grail of my existance.

Hidden deep inside
Is a being that
I hide, from myself.

He slips out of my
Prison, only to
Cause me: doubt, hurt, tears.

I cannot kill him.
He is part of me.
The part that I hate.

He cannot be freed,
Lest he should kill me.
And so, I hide him
I hide him away...
Away from my heart.

MY CAT....MY CAT...MY CAT!!!!!

My Cat CAME BACK!!!!

Half asleep in my husbands arms I hear a meow.
My husband heard it too.

So I get up and go open up the front door...

"DEZ!!!"

It's been close to a month and I'd honestly decided that he had been hit by a car or something.

He's back, but he's so skinny...

My cat is back!

The Name Game!!

The rules are to make a sentence by using the lettersof your name, in order!
****
Devona
Does evil violate our nature always?

****

(Don't forget to post your sentence in the comments!!)

Slumber Parties Massacre!!!

I had two older brothers. I was the fourth of five children (No it was not the Brady Bunch, by any means, LOL). What I'm trying to get at...is that I am not your typical "girly-girl."

Hell, I didn't even start trying to act like a female until highschool (when I realized that the boys liked that-Woo-Hoo!!). Even still, the only reason why I knew what I knew/know was because my best-friend (who was gay) fixed my hair and went shopping with me. Man, do I miss him! He and I played with make-up, hair care products, and fashion. I must remind you that this was in high-school.

Well, my daughter is a "girly-girl." I'm not upset with that. If it's who she is then I love her for that. My problem has now become...I am not sure how to be "girly" with a five year old.

She's having a slumber party on Friday and I want to make it special for her. If it were my slumber party, I would be taking her on a ghost hunt in a cemetery (yes, I am a little twisted, but I am who I am, lol...and you like me that way). Don't get me wrong, I am totally going to take her on a ghost hunt and scare the "drama queen" out of her...but not until she's older. I'm a good Mom (or at least I try to be) and I am pretty sure she's already going to need therapy when she grows up because of her crazy parents. I just don't want to add to it, LOL.

I talked with Smokey Smurf, but she's in the same position as I am. LOL...we're sisters after all and everything I went through so did she. Smokey Smurf is the fifth of five children AND they thought she was going to be retarded when Mom found out she was pregnant with her. The jury is still out on that one (Smokey is going to kick my ass for that one, LOL).

So, my faithful female readers...
What did you do at the slumber parties you went to?
Any ideas?
What do girls like to do at a normal slumber party?
(She's too young for Horror movies and ghost stories...)

Hit Me Baby One More Time

Okay, so I've felt I'm being neglectful to my male readers.

So here you go...

Now don't get to happy because she's not going to strip for you guys. LOL...it's art!

Can't you men look at a naked woman without reverting back to horny teenagers?

LOL...I didn't think so.

Well, at least I have bigger boobs than she...and I bet she's not even a blonde...I mean not a real blonde, anyway.

I like the paint texture though.

It's like something I saw off of the Home and Garden Network...the paint technique, not the naked woman. Are you men following at all??!

That's okay. You can ignore me for a minute, because this one's for the ladies...

Sweet Dreams Are Made of THIS!

Midnight is calling
Darkness is falling
I hear the singing
Of rain.

Love and hold me
Kiss and scold me
And I will be
Out of pain.

Sometimes we have to look back on our lives.
I suppose it’s just the mood. I feel overwhelmed.
I’m running out of time, sweet blissful time!

My heart is heavy with it. My mind…heavy with it.
Yet, I will not be unsettled. I will not allow myself
to be disturbed by whatever fouls the air around me.

I’m going to focus on more pleasant things. Halloween is only a short time from now. I know you’re saying, “God, she’s nuts!”
Yes, I am, but I have good reason for getting ready for Halloween in July as opposed to September. You see, I will be in school doing a fast track course for eight weeks (four weeks? I’ll have to look back at my schedule…I can’t remember.) I always do Halloween arts and crafts and this year will be no exception. I’ll just have to do it now rather than later.

Other news…
My best friend Tracy is going to have her baby on August 3rd. She’s not actually due until August eleventh, but she’s been sick through the entire pregnancy and has been in the hospital twice. She doesn’t do well with her pregnancies and so after the birth of her second son and while they’ve got her cut open they are going to cut her tubes. I’m glad for her, because who knows whether or not the next child would kill her! I’ve know Tracy for most of my life and would crumble if I didn’t have her to talk with. I’m lucky to have such a close friend as her. We’re like family! We’re closer than family. It’s always been Smokey Smurf, Tracy, and I.
I think my friend from school may be starting a blog soon. I’ve almost got her talked into it. She will get her internet set up in about a week or so before school starts. She’s going to be taking some online classes like I do.
We may be getting a second car soon. I will be so excited I won’t be able to think straight I’m sure. They don’t run the busses to pick up pre-schoolers…and though we only live three blocks from the school, the Rogue Wit has reminded me that I’m screwed if it snows or gets too hot. My little boy has asthma now and I can’t take a chance of him having and attack on the way to school. We’ll walk on the nice days and drive on the bad. That and I hate…HATE…H-A-T-E!!! being stuck here during the day while Rogue Wit is at work.

It’s as if I have this cloud of angst that is hovering over my chest. Sometimes I have to wonder if I’m just fooling myself…thinking that I can live my dreams.

Does anyone else ever feel like that?

WEEKEND ASTROLOGY!!!

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Enjoy Friday because Saturday
and Sunday are Leo’s day to
shine.

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Happy Birthday Leo’s!!!
I’m sure you’re going to get
everything that you asked for.
(Or rather that you told people
to buy for you, LOL)

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
You’ve had a hard time of it as of late. This
weekend is your time to shine and relax.
Get you stuff done early and be lazy for the
rest of the weekend. :)

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
You’re starting to feel excitement in the air.
Go ahead and start on your Halloween décor.
Fuck what everybody else says. Halloween is
only a few months away.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
Stay away from latex this weekend. Your moon
is in the spandex house which could cause
problems. I would suggest a healthy dose of
leather.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
Your war like tendencies are likely to start a fight
this weekend. Pretend to be gay and things will
work themselves out.

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Three words: Mail Order Brides (or grooms)
Hey, sex is really over rated anyway…and most
marriages end in divorce anyway. Roll one up
and have some ice cream. Then suck it up already!
Hehehe

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
Aquarius…Aquar-ius…
Isn’t that a song or something?

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
I’m not even going to tell you what
lies a head for your weekend. You
already know don’t you, you FREAKY
FREAK! LOL, pick me up at 9 sharp!

ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
So…how’d you get the rug burn?
Uh-hu. I know it all, baby…and
the crystal ball doesn’t lie!

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
You’re going to do what you want
to anyway. You don’t need my
advice. Fine! Fine! (Runs off
crying…)

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
The weekend is looking great for
you. Stay away from the Pisces
this weekend though. They’re
FREAKS!!

help!!

Alright ya'll...

You know it's serious when I'm using my favorite word.

I need you guys to defend my honor.

Go to THIS site and leave your best insult.

Pretty pretty please...

Ha! Take that Andy!

Enima Queen

...Rar!!!!!

The force is strong with you my son.
Now come here and take care of Daddy!

My Scorpion Story

Shortly after my parents divorced when I was nineteen, I moved in with a friend just outside of town. Shawnee is a rather large town that kinda overlaps with some smaller ones: Meeker, Tecumseh, and Bethel.

Anyway, this place was technically in Meeker, but had a Shawnee P.O. Box and phone number. Needless to say it we were in the sticks.

Don’t get me wrong the place was beautiful! She lived on a few acres of gorgeous land. I remember many a day when I would go exploring with the dogs by my side. We gathered fire wood during the summer and fall because the only source of heat was a wood burning stove in the center of the house. Yes, there was electricity, but that was it…no A/C, no heater…just good old ceiling fans and windows.

The front porch was even set way back from the gravel road that swung by the house and the view of the house was blocked from the road by several tall bushes and trees. Keep in mind I was nineteen and a major pot head. I remember many a day/night/afternoon that we sat on the porch swing and hit our water bong. Ah, the good ole days…I kinda miss ‘em…but mostly I’m just glad I survived my stupidity.

So, where was I? Yes, I remember this post was just for Man in the Middle.

Okay, so being a girl I hate spiders and bugs and anything small and icky like that. Well, I’m from Oklahoma…born and raised here. The girl I lived with wasn’t. This was her house though and she’d lived there for many years (she was a good 15years older than I). It still makes me giggle remembering this story.

One night after I came home from work and burned a few trees I told her I was going to bed. It had been a long night and I had had a fight with my boyfriend (again) and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. I had to pass meds that night like always AND I had to do the aids work. You see, nursing homes suck and everyone who works there hates their job because they’re over worked and under paid. You never get benefits or time off because you’re always being called in to fill in for the fuck-ups who work there.

Okay, so I’m a little bitter…just a little.

….Oh, I was going to bed. I guess I had been a sleep for a few hours when I awoke to this blood-chilling scream. I was out of bed like a bat out of Hell and I ran to my friends bedroom. She was sitting on the side of her bed holding her foot and sobbing.

“Girl, what’s wrong?!”
“Oh, Devona…I don’t think the ambulance will get here on time!”
“WHAT AMBULANCE!? What happned?”
“…I just want you to know you were closer to me than my daughter…”

She kept sobbing. After about ten minutes she showed me her foot and then explained that she was bit by a scorpion and was going to die.
“Okay….”

I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself, literally. She didn’t find it funny that I was laughing at her while she was slowly dying from a scorpion bite. It was then I had to explain to her that the scorpions here in Oklahoma aren’t poisonous.

The ambulance arrived and they had a good laugh too.

So…that’s my scorpion story…and I’m sticking to it, LOL.

Hot Booty!!

Smack That Ass!! (pardon my French)

"Interview With A Vampire" -this vampire

The rules:
1) Leave me a comment saying interview me please.
2) I will respond by asking you five questions. ( not the same as you see here.)
3) You will update your blog/site with the interview questions.
4) You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.


~So without further ado...these are my answers from my interview by the Queen~


1) When did you decide to become an RN? And why?

I have been a certified nursing assistant for almost ten years now.
When it was just my husband, myself, and my daughter we were doing pretty well for ourselves. I had a nice job that paid $12 an hour and my husband made above minimum wage.
Then I found out I was pregnant and we bought our house.
It wasn’t until I started a new job that I realized I could be a nurse.
My charge nurse and several of the nurses on my floor told me that I would do very well in school and would make a great nurse.
That and one of my friends showed me her paycheck for working just part time and she was a brand new nurse.
It was then I decided that I could do it.
I decided that the few years it would take to get through school was worth the hardship if it meant a better life for my babies and myself.
I want the “American Dream.”


2) Where did you meet Rogue? Did you know when you met him that he would be your husband?

Interestingly enough, I met the Rogue Wit at a psychic fair.
I was living in Shawnee and he in Norman.
The lady I lived with was into Wicca (I’m not a fan of it, but I’m not here to judge and we were friends) she got me into the psychic fair with her.
She read runes for people and we made things to sell.
I sculpt so I made fairies and sold them.
I put stones in all of my fairies and would get about $15-$25 for each.
(I wish I still had the time to devote to making them)
The Rogue Wit came up to our booth and kept picking up my fairies and looking at them.
He would glance up and smile at me and then pick another one up.
After a little while, I finally told him to either buy one or take me out on a date.
Like the smooth talker he was…he whipped out a card with his phone # on it and told me to call him anytime.
Then we were dating.

I think I did know, but I had issues.
LOL…when I say issues I mean I had just left my stalker of an X-boyfriend and was not about to hand over my heart on a crystal platter only to have him stomp on it.
The thing is that I had a dream about him while we were dating.
In the dream I kept picking up crystals and crushing them in my hands and he would take the shattered pieces and mold them into what appeared to be a unicorn.
One of the venders who was supposedly a “dream expert” wanted one of my fairies and said he would interpret something for me for one of my “love fairies.”
When he did the reading for me he told me that it meant with him (the rogue wit) I would be creating a beautiful life with if I was willing to give him control over my shattered heart…because he could make something beautiful out of it.
What was weird is that he was so right.


3) If you were to create a new flower what would it look like, smell like, and what would you name it? Would it have thorns? What color would it be or colors? Describe it fully.

I think I would create a flower that had petals like a rose but a big center like a sunflower.
I love sunflower seeds!
So they would have seeds similar but that tasted better (if that’s possible).
The outer petals would be dark blood red and get lighter towards the center with a vivid bright red.
They would grow on vines and bloom only at night.
I’d name them “vampflowers.”
LOL…they’d be so beautiful and with double thorns that looked like fangs.


4) If you could be a magic spell, what would it be, how would it work?

If I could be a magic spell it would be a truth spell.
I would stop people from being able to say anything if they started to tell a lie.
Then good or bad at least we would all be on the same page.
I think we would have a lot less stress that way.


5) If you where a fairy, a vampire, or an ogre what would your name be for each?

If I were a fairy or a vampire I would still go by my name, Devona.
I used to hate it only because everyone wanted to pronounce it wrong.
They want to pronounce it Dev-on (as in on and not off)-uh.
When it’s pronounced Dev-un-uh…like Devon with an uh.
I’ve gotten used to it and even the miss-pronouncing.
The truth is I love my name, Devona…It means brave girl and I believe that’s what I am.
Brave.
I think it would be a suiting name for any fairy or vampire.
As for an ogre…well, I would need a name that was powerful and commanding…
something that would strike fear into anyone who ran across my path.
Bedu (bay-doo)…it means warrior princess.
I like it!!!



I hope that this wasn’t too boring.
I really enjoyed these questions and I did quite a bit of thinking about my answers.
Now, who wants to be interviewed???

Rogue Wit

I feel it's important to say how much I love my husband.

Some people never find their soul mate.
I'm one of the very fortunate to have found mine.

I truly truly hope that he should never feel taken for granted.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Never doubt that, my love.
I am yours for all time.

When I look into your eyes I still see the same man I fell in love with.
I see more too.
I see the love you have for me shining there in your beautiful eyes.

I don't regret anything where you're concerned.
You are my love. You are my life.
You gave me two beautiful children who only add to the love I feel for you.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

......I just needed to say it.

What Would You Do?

Alright, so I’m shirking my blogging responsibilities. You can give me the lecture later.

I feel like a rant…not just any rant, but a personal one.
When do you officially call it quits?
When do you admit that it’s over?
When do you leave?

I have a friend (I’m not going to mention names, but she’ll know who I’m talking about when she reads this) who is going through some ruff times. The man she loves and has married is shirking his responsibilities as a husband. No he’s not cheating on her. He’s being a total ass.

I know, now you’re saying, “So what? All men are assess!”

Yes, yes, she knows that and I am certainly aware. All men are an ass to one degree to another, but this man has taken it to the next level.

I’ll try to be brief.

When you ask the man that you love completely and totally with all of your heart and he tells you that he only loves you half as much as he used to…what do you do?

When you’ve given the relationship 110% and he only puts in about 30%...what is the last straw?

Marriage is for better and worse, but when they’re not willing to go through the worse times with you…does that mean that you should cut your losses?

When the man you love cuts your self-esteem down to a tiny sliver…Do you stay with them?

When this has all been discussed and they decided that they were in the wrong and will make some changes, but then when you go back…not even two weeks later they do it again…is it safe to say that he’s not going to change?

When do you decide that you deserve better than what you’ve got and go…when that part that still loves him has your stomach in knots?

I say to go and cut your losses now. If he thinks it’s worth saving then he needs to make the effort because you’ve drained yourself dry from giving without receiving anything in return. No man is worth your self-esteem. It’s not worth walking around on egg shells waiting for him to snap again.

Yet, I am not the person to make this decision and it’s a hard one to make.

Yeah, if it were me, even with my kids…I’d kick him to the curb.

Desperately seeking advice…what would you do?

Sing To Me!! 

Little Miss Muffet

I was in the middle of commenting on one of your blogs when I felt the disturbance.

It was slight at first, but it was unmistakably evil. Years of experience has taught me to listen to this feeling of mine. I sat perfectly still and tried to discern what was trying to attack me.

It was lurking as I sat in the dark room. Not even the curtain had been opened yet as is my usual custom. Some days I feel dark and surround myself in it. This was not that morning, but a lazy morning.

Then I notice the slight movement to my right.

I thought maybe I had imagined it at first as the shadows played across my right hand as it maneuvered the mouse.

Then I felt a touch and retrieved my hand from dangers way.

In one movement I stood up and switched on the lights, backing away from my desk.

There....with one long leg on my mouse....was a huge spider.

No, unfortunately, I am not exaggerating.
The spider was about 2 1/2 inches from leg to leg and it's body wasn't very small.
I think it was a wolf-spider. I'm not sure.
I know it wasn't a fiddle back.

I stared at the spider for an enternity and it watched me back.
It was hesitant to move now that the light was on.
Until my daughter came in to see what was wrong I was frozen and unable to move.
I could only stare, but then my motherly instincts kicked in.

I grabbed her and raced from the room.
Not knowing exactly what the spider would do in battle, I grabbed a variety of weapons:
a bottle of windex
a fly-swatter
a paper-towel
a heavy shoe

(Yeah, I know..."why windex?" I was out of hair spray is why.)

I crept back in the room to see my enemy now completely on top of my mouse.
It was if he was trying to claim his victory over my space, my desk, my woman-hood.
I was not going to give up that easy. I am a WOMAN!
(and there was no man in the house old enough to slay the evil beast for me...)

So I went into action.

In a dive closely resembling something out of Rambo, I flew into the room with my spray bottle of windex on stream. I assaulted the beast with the scent of sparkling windows.

Then the beast glared at me and lifted his legs in an evil posture that was surely taught to him by satan...and he let out a growl that was more fierce than any lion. (cough..no really...okay, well...I can write what I want. Nee-nee-nee-nee!)

The giant spider then took off with a speed of evil spiderness and I followed.
You see, though I may be timid, I have fought the evil that is spiders before.
I knew that if I watched and waited I would get my chance.

Just as the spider was about to run behind my desk I threw the shoe blocking it's way.
Yes, it pissed off the spider and gave me the moment I was waiting for.
The spider turned to run across the open room...at me.
That's when I hit it with my fly-swatter.

The first hit was just a flesh wound and he kept coming at me.
I swung my mighty saber at him again.
This time it was maiming and I went in for the kill.

As he sat there unable to jump or run I saw the sadness in his beady eyes as they stared back at me. I would be his killer. Yes, he was going to die and he saw it coming. I held my gaze steady.
Taking out the paper-towel form my pocket I folded it several times. Then, like the grim reaper strolling leisurely towards his charge I made my way to the fallen spider and dropped the paper towel over him. I then retrieved my shoe from the corner and donned it. The bottom of my shoe flattened to paper-towel to the hard floor, crushing whatever bit of life the spider may have had left.

Death is always hard even when it's your victory.

I feel somewhat sad for his death as I'm sure another will try to attack at a later date.
There is no regret.
Just a feeling of unease as I know now that my castle has been breached.
I feel less secure in my holding and turn on each light as I wander from room to room.
My sanctuary is now not so easy anymore.

I'm sure there are spies about.

I can't help but cringe every time I feel the brush of something on my arm.
Looking down there is nothing there, but I feel it all the same.
I know have the dreaded, "Heebee-jeebees."

suffice it to say that I am writing this from the lap top.
I had another post written and saved on my desk top, but the battle is still to fresh in my mind.
I cannot go near it for the moment.

My most sacred of all places, my desk, was defiled by that evil beast and it sits bitter in my stomach.

LOL!!! 

Here's another one for the men. Yeah, she's hot, but she might kill you if you can't satisfy her. 

WEEKEND ASTROLOGY

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Happy Birthday Cancers!
Yup, that’s all. Come on, I’m
not a miracle worker.

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
Maybe you should go ahead
and buy that new vibrator now.
We know your birthday is coming,
but friends don’t buy friends
vibrators.

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
Bla-bla-bla…Damn it. Why do I continue to
ask Mr. (Mrs.) Know-it-all stupid questions?
It’s re-fucking-toricle! We’re all aware you
know EVERYTHING.

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
Two Libras decide what to do this weekend:
“So…What do you want to do this weekend?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”
“No…Really, what do you want to do?”
(sigh) I’d suggest flipping a coin today, but
you have to have choices before you can
decide between them.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
Just because the rash is gone doesn’t mean
that it can’t still spread. Practice safe sex
this weekend. Use your hand.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
(Rolling my eyes and making jack-off motions)
Yeah, I’ve heard that pick-up line before. Keep
Practicing though and maybe you’ll find your
groove before you go out this weekend.

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Sorry about the advice last weekend. Maybe
this one you should stay away from the
Sagittarius’s. You should’ve used your own
judgment…Come on, they’re all assholes.
(lol)

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
Nobody wants to be your friend. Well,
boo-fucking-hoo princess! No one likes
a goody-goody. So do something notty
this weekend. What’s that you said
about peer pressure? Shut-up. (lmao)

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
So your sign is supposed to be one
of the best lovers…Let’s find out
this weekend if it’s true.

ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
You’re the life of the party, but
all of the CPR in the world can’t
resurrect the dead. So go ahead
and ditch your friend’s party.
Really, they’ll understand that
you have to maintain your rep
as “the party guy.” But maybe
you shouldn’t have told your
friend he was lame. Try and be
tactful.

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
Hmmm….Nope. I’ve got nothing.
Maybe if you didn’t butt head with
everyone I might give a shit. (LOL)
Okay, okay…here’s one: don’t rock
the boat. Tee-hee.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
So you’re cured, eh? Okay.
No, really! I believe you. But…
Well, you’re drooling, a LOT.
Just saying…

Doggy Style!

Okay, so you're helping to write the next Kama-Sutra book.

What is going to be the "new move" on page 69?

(name and description)

For the Guys... 

Too Cute!! Really too cute!!

My daughter has a new game she likes to play.

Whilst in the midst of “House Bitchery” I was strolling down the hall singing in the back of my mind, I’m too sexy for a Mom, when I heard my daughter singing.

So like any good Mom, I’m nosey and decide to check it out. I glide down the runway…I mean, hallway to peek in. I get just close enough to peek inside and listen, but far enough back that she can’t see me.

She was sitting on the steps to her bunk bed, half-way up and singing.

What?
I don’t know because she was singing in the little girl voice that only other Mothers of little girls can relate to. I was sure the dogs next door were going crazy it was so high.
As if that weren’t cute enough I look down and notice that all 34 of her Barbies are seated on the floor around her ladder facing her.

Just then her little brother comes running in her room giggling. He stayed long enough to kick the Barbies and then zipped away as if he’d never been.

Well, my daughter was pissed! She yelled at him, “Shooo! Go away Aiden! I’m doing a show!”

Yes, my 3 year old son torments his sister to no end. This is not to say that it is not reciprocated on her behalf, only his are much funnier.

God, I love my kids.

Creepy, Sexy, Tool!

Yeah, that's kinda what my dreams are like...

Half-Naked Hottie!!!

Oh Yeah!

I have a lot to say, but I'll have to catch everybody up later...

Knock Three Times by Tony Orlando

Hey girl whatcha doin down there
Dancing alone every night while I live right above you
I can hear your music playin'
I can feel your body swayin'
One floor below me you don't even know me
I love you

CHORUS
Oh my darlin'
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness
Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

If you look out your window tonight
Pulling the string with the note thats attached to my heart
Read how many times I saw you
How in my silence I adored you
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come apart

CHORUS
Oh my darlin'
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness
Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

Oh I can hear the music playin'
I can feel your body swayin '
One floor below me you don't even know me
I love you

CHORUS
Oh my darlin'
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh my sweetness
Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

You'll Always Be In My Heart! [sniff]

Yea fare reader…

I hate to have to break the news to everyone. Ach, it’s hard to even type this.
But…
I will not be blogging after this post.

I know it’s hard to believe. I can hardly believe it myself, but I must. I MUST.

Yes, you’ve heard right. Today (and not the today as in when I posted this, but the today as in Tuesday which will be null and void on Wednesday and any other day proceeding that) there is nothing and I must stay away. I repeat must for some things have been brought to my attention and I must deal with these in all haste.

My bathroom has turned sour with all of the dirty bums that have touched their cheeks to my porcelain bull’s eye. I may not return from this journey into the lower regions of Hell.

Alas…fear not. As I shall return on the day which is after this (and by this I mean not when I posted this, but as in…okay, you I can see you’re following along).

I bid thee farewell and I will see thee two nights from now.

Until then, I beg of thee. Pray tell me what is your favorite way to be stupid?

EVERY BODY IS DOING IT!!!

Support Your Vampire!

I have added this to my website on the side bar.

I figure if everybody else is doing it...then so can I.

How To Trap My Husband Into An Affair...

Should I be flattered or what? Someone got to my site from Ask Jeeves in a search on “How to trap my husband into an afair.” (notice the misspelling, maybe that’s why it found my site…maybe anytime some one misspells something in the search bar it will bring my site up…I think I’m the queen of spelling errors, lol)

What is interesting is that I’m the top listing! Uhm, I’m so confused about this because I have never posted anything about trapping my husband in an affair or an afair.

Hmmm…
But, hey…At least I was #1 right?

Also, I love it that you can do a google search for either "enimas" or "coffee enimas" and I'm one of the top results.


YOU GOTTA LOVE GOOGLE!!

"Beauty School Drop-Out..."

I wonder what he really aspired to be growing up? LOL, okay so I don't really give a shit about that, but I had to throw it out there.

I've not got much time to be on here today.

I hope everyone had a better weekend than I did.

Hot Man-ness!

I bet I could bounce a quarter off of THAT!

DOOTY MAN

This is an awesome way to kill time, but...

It's kinda sick too.

"You were warned."

[hehehehehe]

I am the DEATH CARD!!! (evil laughter in the background)

You are the Death card. Death is a stage in the
cycle of life. Without death, there would be no
room for new things to grow. When you receive
the Death card in a tarot reading, fear not;
Death is only an indication that transformation
is about to occur. Death allows us all to
evolve by removing that which is no longer
needed. The end of one cycle makes way for a
new one. Old behaviours and patterns which have
tied us down are released. Death cleans house
so that we don't have needless drains on our
energy. In Death's ruthless destruction there
lies compassion. Image from: Danielle Sylvie
Taylor
http://members.limitless.org/~morpheum/gallery.html


Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

WEEKEND ASTROLOGY!! (the day late version)

CANCER (June 22-July 22)-
Happy Birthday Cancers! Let’s
get wild and crazy!

LEO (July 23-August 22, 23)-
You better start reminding
everyone about your up-coming
birthday. As if anyone would…
COULD forget with you around.
(lol)

VIRGO (August 23, 24-September 22, 23)-
Your wife is happy. So you can relax some
this weekend. But first…I have a few things
I need you to do real quick…

LIBRA (September 23, 24-October 22, 23)-
Your work is never done. Know that after
this weekend you must relax and not lift a
finger for three weeks until school starts.

SCORPIO (October 23, 24-November 22)-
You’re going to have to wait for the rash
to go away. So, no sex this weekend. It
should be gone by next weekend though.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21, 23)-
“Head out on the highway…” This is a great
weekend for you to consider going on a road
trip. But, don’t go too far! Gas is expensive.

CAPRICORN (December 22, 24-January 20)-
Make a date with a Sagittarius this weekend.
A road trip is the way to go.

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)-
You too….
Road trip!
And you can only pack one suit case.
Sheesh! You won’t need 8 extra pairs
of underware. I promise…

PISCES (February 20-March 20)-
Relax this weekend and try to put
last weekend out of your mind.


ARIES (March 21-April 20)-
Being around people may be
a bad thing today. Stay home
and get drunk instead.

TAURUS (April 21-May 20, 21)-
We know how you love to clean,
but when you start thinking about
waxing the wall…
Well, it’s time to put it down.

GEMINI (May 21, 22-June 21)-
Those new pills aren’t working
out for you. Make an appointment
to see you’re doctor first thing
Monday. Yes, you really do
need them.

My Bad

I forgot today was Friday and I hadn't previously prepared the "WEEKEND ASTROLOGY."

So, I will work on it today and have it posted by tomorrow.

Bad Boabhan Sith, Bad!!!

"I sorry..." sniff sniff

Also, just in case you're interrested...

Chapter Three of Legeneds in complete.

...And remember...

"I'll love you more today than yesterday....but not as much as tomorrow..."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POPS!!

Today is my Father's-in-law birthday.
I'll refreign from mentioning his age, lol, as I don't want him to spit in my food. (Hehehe)

Pops has been the best Father-in-law I could've ever asked for.
Not to mention, he's a great grampa.
Just ask my daughter, LOL...she'll let you know.
After getting off of work and I'm sure very tired, he still plays "come find me" with my daughter.
Yes, that's right. It's not hide and seek that they play.
That would be too easy, or harder maybe is the word I'm looking for.
LOL, it just wouldn't be as much fun.
"Come find me" is a game similar to hide and seek.
My daughter pulls you with her to a hiding spot and then yells:

"Come and find me...I'm in the closet...hiding with pops!"

LOL, what do you expect? She's not quite five yet.

So here's to you Pops!
For raising your son to be one of the more like-able assess...
Uhm, wait...
Let me try this again.

So here's to you POPS!
For raising your son to be a responsible man who loves his children.
Because your son has given me the two most precious gifts anyone could have ever asked for...
My daughter, Adara Jade and my son, Aiden Wallace.

Pops has his own blog but hasn't updated it in a good while.
So if you all have time, stop by and wish him a happy birthday and mention to him that he needs to post again. :)

Okay, I am seriously pissed off here. I added some stuff yesterday and apparently it caused pop-ups on my blog. So I promptly removed the vile thing and now I'm still getting pop-ups!!

Bare with me and I will skin whatever mutha-f*#^a who's to blame.

THE BEST POSITION!!

WHAT'S YOUR MOST COMFORTABLE POSITION IN BED?
...and by that I mean, sleeping position...

I sleep primarily on my right side with my right arm tucked under that pillow.
My left hand is clenched between my legs to keep it from flopping about, I guess.
It's just how I get comfortable.

So, how do you sleep?

Big Harry Dildos of Clay!

Okay, so I'm a little bit disheartened (if that's a word).
I used to get about 90 hits a day. Used to being the key words here.
Now I'm only about 30-50 depending on my week.
What can I say, I'm an attention whore.

Mayhap it is my succumbing to the little "d" that I so loath.
Or maybe it's just that I say things like that and ya'll don't get it.
LOL, it's my hick accent isn't it?

Or could it be that the title of this blog implies a lot more HOT VAMPIRE ACTION!!

I'd be down with that. Oh, yeah....

One question though:
If you have a really hot vampire and he's putting the moves on you.
...Nibbling your neck and suckling your breasts...
If he's a vampire, he's technically dead.

Is it necrophilia?

How does blood get down there for an undead-hard-on-from-hell?

These are just questions I think of in my off time.



Now, on to the title of my post...

My best friend Tracy and I were always doing something dorky.
We were of course, the two biggest dorks in Shawnee for years.
Okay, well, maybe not the biggest dorks, but damn close.
Here's proof of our "Dorkdom":

My Dad tried several million times to get me into some type of extra-curricular activity.
It wasn't happening. I took swimming for a little while. Once I learned how to swim...well, why did I need to take more lessons?
He took me to gymnastics once and I never went back. Lets get this straight, I don't do tights and spandex [...anywhere but the bed room (and then only on special occasions)].
We had an ugly piano he tried to make us learn how to play.
Then there was the keyboards. Nope, still not a go.

Well, then one idea kinda took...kinda.
Though, probably not how he intended it.
He took us to a lady who makes and paints pottery and little ceramic cats and things.
I took a few lessons from her and that was it.
I must say that I learned what I felt like I needed and then I was done with it.
But...I was really into the paint thing.

Then my Dad thought, "Why don't you paint what you SCULPT?"
BRILLIANT!!
I was then introduced to several varieties of clay and mediums.

Well, you know you can only sculpt so many things before they get boring.
So with my best friend, a tub of clay, some paint, and some teenage know how we went out to make our mark in the art world!!

So what did we make?
I made a tiny penis paper weight.
Tracy made a nice take off of a doggy dropping.
I think there was some badly done ash trays and a crappy coffee mug.

That penis was wonderful though.
We kept it in my sock drawer.
If was great for tormenting people with.
And some times we just laughed that we'd made and painted a penis.
It even had pubes!

I wish I still had that tiny penis.
It's proof that it's not the size that matters, but the memories that lie within.

My nephew will be here soon. I'm feeling a little better, thank you guys. Sometimes everything creeps up on me and I'm swallowed whole. Other times I'm just lost.

There's a lot of stuff going on and I can't even put words to it. Maybe it's just me. A woman that I am, I am prone to bits and fits and moods and such. I wish it were just PMS, but no, not yet.

Am I the only one who gets these bouts of depression?

Sometimes I cannot think past, "Man, have I screwed up my life."
Then I look at my children and think, "Maybe not so much."
My children (little hellions [sp?] that they are) are precious and dear to me.

My son is doing better with his asthma medicine. He does NOT like it, but I think he is realizing that he breathes better after taking it. I was so worried about him Sunday. We stayed in on the 4th so we wouldn't aggravate his breathing problems. He's such a good little boy, albeit, a stubborn one.

I guess what my problem is now, is that I no longer have transportation while the Rogue Wit is at work. These last two weeks had been SWEET! Now, I'm stuck here again. I know, Boo-fucking-hoo.

I guess that burn on my back really was pretty bad, because it's been almost three weeks and I'm still pealing. It doesn't really hurt anymore, but it itches like a bitch.

I'm anxious to start school in the fall once more.
I needed this summer off more than I'm willing to admit, but I'm ready to get the show back on the road. Moving forward is much preferable to stilling still. Hell, sometimes moving in any direction whether it be forward, back, or to one side is preferable to the stillness. No one likes stagnate waters. There's leeches and mosquito's breeding in there.


I so miss the days of two vehicles!
...and of having friends who lived closer.

Sad Eyes

I'm feeling a little lower than "bla" today.
Don't feel like much.
Sometimes I feel myself sinking into this state of mind, but not this time.
It attacked me and I was helpless to defend myself against it's power.
I'm overwhelmed to the breaking point of my mind. I'm lonely, but don't feel like company.
I know I'm not making any sense.
I cannot help but worry. Worry is who I am.
I feel dread creepy up behind to take advantage of my condition.

Sometimes, a cute smile doesn't matter

He must be happy to see me..

Go ahead...click it!!

(4th of July gifs)

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!

!!

Please keep your fingers crossed...
Smokey Smurf is on her way to take me and my sick little boy to the ER.

Which goddess are you?

The Goddess of Flora and Sadness. You are a natural
dreamer. Always loyal and tranquil, you can
make anyone feel safe and you are exceptionally
thoughtful. You are a delicate beauty.


Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I am rain

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and
unique. You are quite distant from emotion and
people, but you have been made this way by one
thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail
to see it, and are quite creative be it in art,
music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in
now you don't even bother to try having been
hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude
is that you don't need anyone but yourself,
people are just trouble waiting to happen. But
you really do want to trust someone no matter
if you see it or not, deep down your waiting
for someone to come and set you free. This kind
of depression can turn dangerous, don't let
them get to you. Not everyone in the world will
hurt you, humans are humans and are not
perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll
meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps
your shell will eventually disappear.


.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

What a cute wittle bunny wunny...

Awww, a widdle bunny waaaabbit. You're gonna hug
him and squeeze him and then you're gonna
molest him. Chicka-wah-chicka-wah-wah. Just
do me a favour and don't send me the video,
it'll put me off my rabbit stew..



Like games or roleplay? Here's a great one that
has nothing to do with beastiality:

www.life-blood.vze.com


What animal would you have sex with (If you had to)?
brought to you by Quizilla

Brooding...

Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.


What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

1978, Baby...yeah!

You were born in the year of The Great Milenko.
Which means you are different from what people
may think.
Relevant Years:
1954, 1960, 1966, 1972, 1978, 1984, 1990, 1996,
2002. Most Compatible with Carnival of Carnage.


The Juggalo Zodiac Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla